You're both right. It is indeed easier to raise the kids if you get along with the ex. Also, if you still LIKE your ex, as a friend, it's good to recognize that and to be asking yourself how important that friendship is to you. On the other hand, it's understandable that the new guy might feel threatened by your friendship with the ex. It takes a pretty confident person to tolerate that kind of relationship, and if your new love is just getting started he may not yet be sure of where your loyalties lie. I think a lot of these complex-relationship problems have to be navigated by instinct: the more you can do to be aware of the different forces at work, and try to balance them, the more likely you are to avoid hitting underwater mines. Some things to consider: 1- Be true to yourself. If your friendship with the ex is important, you don't want to sell that out just to make the new guy less anxious. 2- Respect boundaries, and insist that your boundaries be respected. It's one thing for him to express his objections, it's another for him to go on and on about it and be a chronic pain. He has a choice, manipulation or excessive pressure is inappropriate and you have a right to let him know. 3- If your friendship with the ex is mainly about the kids, keep it that way. That's an easy solution: don't feed the friendship itself so much, "cordial and decent" is adequate for supporting the kids. Good luck.

You can get along with your ex without hanging out with your ex. If it is really over with your ex you should only be together with the children present. If there is a possibility all is NOT over with your ex, you shouldn't lead the new guy on.

You can get along with your ex without "hanging out" with him. Just exchange the kids, exchange pleasantries and info, and be done with it. Remember that many abusers start with controlling you. (And I'm not saying he is or will be an abuser, but he DOES sound controlling, and untrusting of you.) Ask him why he doesn't trust you to spend a few moments with your ex while you exchange the kids. If he has trust issues here, are you sure he won't, elsewhere? An OCCASIONAL "hanging out" with the ex - Taking the kids out for a supper, so you can also discuss a problem; going to any recital at school (and inviting the ex); maybe picking the kids up at an ex's relative's home, if they're visiting and close enough, or to meet someone (remember, you divorced the ex, not necessarily his family) - shouldn't be too much to ask. HOWEVER, any new guy in your life MUST understand that you have a good (you ARE divorced, right?) relationship with the father of your children, and wish to maintain that to make things easier on THEM. If they can't see that, then you must sacrifice what YOU want for the good of the children. If you can, take him along with you. If he refuses to go, that's his problem - BUT, it obviously can turn into yours, since he is this way.

You should direct him here: http://www.leykisonline.com/main/leykis_101_rules.htm