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by Dalweener on December 15th, 2006

Dalweener

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My fiance has cheated on me. I just found out recently but this took place almost 6 months ago. She apologized for a couple days and now she acts like she didn't do anything. I'm still hurting, what do I do?

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Answers. 9 helpful answers below.

  • by TaoZen on December 15th, 2006

    TaoZen

    KEEP TALKING!!! That's the main thing. 'Awkward' doesn't mean 'bad'. 'Strange' doesn't mean 'wrong'. TALK, FEEL, TALK, THINK, TALK...
    I often feel like a baby (and not a smart one) when it comes to relationship matters. One thing I have noticed is when upsetting things happen in a relationship some partners turn towards reasons "why this might break us up?". Others turn toward "How do we get through this?" Can you both agree on at least one of those contexts in which to continue talking?
    NO MATTER WHAT, YOU BOTH DESERVE TO BE LOVED. NEITHER OF YOU INVENTED FIDELITY OR INFIDELITY BUT YOU DO GET TO PUT YOUR UNIQUE STAMP ON THE PROCESS OF BEING A COUPLE.

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  • by tomsims on December 15th, 2006

    tomsims

    You guys should be doing pre-marital counseling if you are going to get married. This would be an excellent topic and could consume several sessions. Of course you are still hurting. The question is whether the relationship and this person is worth the efort that you are going to have to put into healing and can you establisbh the communication necessary with her (two-way) that is going to be crucial in a long term relationship. How you two (together) work through this problem will lay a foundation for a life together. If you part, you will still need to heal, but you will be doing so within yourself. All the best to you as you travel this journey.

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  • by machinerat on May 24th, 2009

    machinerat

    I thought that with time, I would be able to forgive-and-forget... but that never really happened. If she's already acting unapologetic, then pretty soon she is going to start getting upset at you for feeling the way you do. A cheater doesn't usually understand what it feels like to be cheated on unless the same thing had happened to them... and can still look back and remember the pleasures of the fling.

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  • by MisterKnowItAll on May 24th, 2009

    MisterKnowItAll

    You need to make sure she's aware of how hurt you are, first of all.
    .
    After that, it's about her consoling you for what she did.
    .
    If you don't talk, you're doomed.
    .
    If she doesn't console you, you're doomed.

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  • by A on May 24th, 2009

    A

    Putting off the wedding sounds like a good idea.

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  • by AntigoneRising on December 15th, 2006

    AntigoneRising

    I think you have a problem, and you need relationship counseling to address it. Firstly, do not assume her fidelity will increase with marriage. Fidelity is a commitment made in the heart, the marriage ceremony only makes it official (usually legal). If she hasn't made that commitment in her heart already, a marriage ceremony won't put the commitment there. Secondly, her understanding of what she has done seems to be...errr...somewhat lacking. She doesn't seem to grasp the seriousness, pain, or importance of the whole situation. It takes a couple more than 6 months to RECOVER from infidelity. Thirdly, her remorse doesn't seem sincere. If she were truly sorry, she'd be your partner in working through these complex emotions and trust issues. She has to earn trust back. After all, she was the one who destroyed it.

    I do not envy you your situation, and am sorry for your pain.

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  • by mrbiggz on December 15th, 2006

    mrbiggz

    I would postpone the marriage until you have resolved your feelings about this. I personally would not be thrilled at her cavaliar attitude. I would make her prove to you that she really wants a long term COMMITTED relationship with YOU. If she can't be trusted before the marriage, how can you expect to trust her afterwards? Sorry IS NOT enough! If you marry her and get divorced, it can cost you bigtime - think about that.

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  • by Anonymous on December 15th, 2006

    Anonymous

    you need to get even,it's the only way.then she'll forgive you and maybe you'll find out if
    you guy's should be together or not.there has to be a reason why she cheated,now you have one.

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  • by Gen.ButtNaked on October 26th, 2010

    Gen.ButtNaked

    Your not married, so you can either forgive the untrustworthy bit#h or man up and move on!! I would move on, if you were asking!

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