My boyfriend of 3 yrs choked me 2 days ago. Ive been really upset & hurt about this whole situation. I know I shouldn't be with him anymore.. but I feel like i should be. Any suggestions? Please help
by 
amber-omber
ANSWERS: 35
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See Signs of abuse, even early on - http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/2872392 Signs of abuse, and what to do - http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/3384385
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I can scarcely think of a clearer sign that the relationship is over than what he's done. What you had is gone, and he needs help. Tell him that in a note or email, but it's time to go. Just remember that however good the good times were, he's left you already.
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Stop all contact with him! Think! THINK! No......you shouldn't be with him anymore! You feel you should because.........WHY? Things will only get worse. Not better! What advice would you give a friend? That's what you should do!!!!!!!!! Better to walk away now.....than to be carried away in a casket! it happens....don't be the next!!!!
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Please, please leave.
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I'm sure if he'd have accidentally killed you, you wouldn't even be thinking about this question. Um, it's obvious he doesn't care about your well being so it's my opinion that you should leave his abusing ass.
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Part of the abused person syndrome is to think you "should" still be together.
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you deserve way way better. you should leave him and find yourself a man that will respect you. Guys like that are fucking cowards. just leave him no matter what.
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Are you kidding? You should pack up your computer RIGHT NOW and leave. (If you live together that is.)
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YES..I suggest you leave as soon as you can safely do so. . My friends boyfriend choked her. He then moved on.. to punching her, and kicking her, and breaking her bones, and dragging her behind a car, and imprisoning her.. and hiring a hit man. . The hit man stabbed her 46 times.. before he cut her throat and killed her. . She was so full of life and still would be .. if only she had left the very first time he choked her. Instead of feeling like she should be with him.
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Amber my FRIEND!!!! Be lucky you've been warned, for many never get that chance. And then there are many who do, only they feel trapped like they can't leave. Or they believe they can change the other person on their own. I'll tell you right now my FRIEND. The only why that other person will ever change. Is if they themself decide to seek help. You may of known this person for 3 yr's. And most likely, you've seen other signs headed up to this point. But if this is the first sign of this type of action. Please my FRIEND!!!! Don't wait for the 2nd. Leave now why you still have a chance. Find a FRIEND or family to stay with. And don't fall into his trap. If you have to go back for any reason. Always take a FRIEND or two along with you. Don't be trapped alone with him. Like I said in the beginning. Be lucky you've been Warned........Good Luck my FRIEND.........M.C.S.
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well you already know the situation you are in.. so the best way is to walk out.. and if you are still finding it difficult to end the relationship go on to this link this might be of some help.. God Bless http://home-family.top54u.com/post/How-to-End-An-Abusive-Relationship.aspx
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i suggest you leave him now b4 it's too late.. once they do it once they keep doing.. i no it's hard to leave the person you love but it's gonna be harder once you have kids together.. but it's all up to you.. how do u want to live the rest of ur life??
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it will not get any better, only worse. if you feel like you should be with him, then stay with him. just know the danger that you're putting yourself in. if you feel that you should take the risk, then so be it. you'll find out for yourself. good luck.
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Get out and get out fast. This is a dangerous man and if you stay you are giving him permission to abuse and from the sound of it eventually kill you.
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Get out and get out fast. This is a dangerous man and by staying you are giving him permission to abuse and eventually do you permanent if not fatal harm.
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If you are still with him, you are not too brilliant, and just begging for more!
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I understand that you've invested 3 years of time, effort and emotion into this relationship, and I think that's why you may be reluctant to let it go. You don't want to feel that you've wasted three years. Well, you haven't wasted it. You've learned invaluable lessons about yourself, what you want out of life and what's important to you. You use the words "should" and "shouldn't". According to whom? Strip this down to the basics. What are you worth, Amber? Do you value yourself? Do you deserve to live in a healthy environment where you can thrive as a human being? You aren't in that environment now and you are the only person who can change that. Your boyfriend can't change that because trust has been broken and there is no way he can prove that he will never do this again. Go forward. Take responsibility for what happens NEXT in your life.
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More bad to come my dear. I speak from experience. Time to leave while you can still breathe. Your man has impulse control and anger management issues that you WILL NOT be able to fix or help him with. I know you would like it to be otherwise but the experience of countless other abused women will bear this out for you in statistics. Some part of you may even crave or enjoy the drama of being with a person like this but it won't end well. Good luck.
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If he does it once, he'll do it again. Especially if he doesn't receive any consequences for it. How many times do you want to be choked in the future? If you stay with him and start a family, how many times do you want them to see you choked? How many times do you want them to be choked? And finally, do you want your parents and extended family to end up in the world of hurt that belongs to Lacy Peterson's family. Go to the Doenetwork web page. Look at all the faces of missing persons whose families are still missing them, and all the unidentified dumped bodies. Now, wait until he is out of the house, pack a suitcase, lock the door behind you and don't ever look back. If there are marks on your throat, go show them to the police. Take out an order of protection. Do not ever so much as take a phone call, text message, voice mail or email from him again. Go fishing, there are lots of better ones out there.
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You want 2 wait until he really choke you out? Leave him, he's already out of his mind.
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Get away now before it is too late.
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theres two choices... A)Break up with your abusive boyfriend (get a restraining order if you must) and find a man who will love and respect you, who would never degrade you verbally or physically. B) stay with him until he literally chokes you to death.. you're family and friends would be devastated.. but how can they blame either party when it was your choice to stay with this person? ..you won't be able to find a man that respects you until you start respecting yourself.. sorry, but that's the truth..
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LEAVE!! Don't wait for him to get more violent until you get seriously hurt.
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I think you are mentally Retarded and should check yourself into a special people clinic or at least consult your doctor on aplace where he sees most fitting and safe, because someone who puts them self in danger purposely id a a little Der ter derr!
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Sounds potentially very dangerous here. I'd recommend leaving NOW while it's so much easier. Staying longer, or worse yet, ending up married to him most certainly will NOT help you if this becomes a pattern. See this link: http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/833291
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On behalf of all the non-insane guys in the world, LEAVE HIM!!! There are plenty of available men out there that will respect you for the beautiful woman you are, and will be more than happy to defend your honor against your maniac of an ex-boyfriend. If you need help, find a local addiction-recovery program group. Many non-profit groups offer these for free; the one I know best is LDS Family Services, which is affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints but offers free, professionally-led groups that are open to anyone. Just follow this link— http://www.ldsfamilyservices.org — and click on “Addiction Recovery Program.” No matter what course you take, SAVE YOURSELF. I would never dream of laying a hand upon my wife (nor my children) in anger, and you DESERVE someone that will treat you the same way. Blessings!
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get out of this relationship imediately, no silly I love him stuff this will only get worse and you'l have wasted a couple of years, lost your confidence and slef esteeme and endoured more abuse. Get out, trust me once someone shows the ability to do something like this to a woman it will only get worse, people like this do not change, period. Please leave him
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leave him and do it fast
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control freak, he is.. Go to the police, and if you don't then it's your falt if he kills you.
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Hi .. i know you dont want to hear this but u have to leave as soon as possible. Tell a loved one or your mom you are coming to stay with them for a while. I had a friend who boyfriend use to yell, then slap, then choke and beat her ass then in public. I confronted him and told her to leave and me and her stopped talking because she kept going back and forth with him. My friend died november 24th from cardiac arrest. I knew i should have went to the police but that would make me look stupid if she went back to him. TELL THE POLICE first. and leave him alone it might be love but he does not love you if he chokes u. hope that helped. Dont end up like my friend
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i was in the same situation when i was pregnant with m eldest daughter he choked me and swore it will never happen again it did and ever time i took him back and it only got worse i sugest ou leave as soon as possible before he does worse then just choke you as it will get worse every time
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the part that makes you want to be with him is a lie if i've ever heard one. Do yourself a favor and not listen to it...
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It takes time to leave an abusive partner because it's hard to leave anyone you love no matter how they treat you. This could get very dangerous though and he could kill you. Without planning too, ya know. If at all possible make a safety plan if you have to leave or need help. Some women use a code word if they can get to the phone. Contact a Domestic Violence shelter in your area, they have some good ideas and if you are able to go to a group they sometimes have those. Good Luck!
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I found your question online searching for my own answers. My longtime friend of 15 years and boyfirend now fiance of 3 years chocked me this morning before work. This is not the 1st time, actually it's the 2nd. The 1st incident occured after I made the first swing, so I guess I asked for it, right... This time, we were arguing and I was holding my ground loudly and in his space. With that he pushed me against the bathroom door, when he turned away from me I slapped the back of his neck. That's when he turned angry and violent, wrapping his hands around my neck. Telling me I better keep my hands to my self, asking me if I' f*cking crazy.....All in front of our 3 yo son. What the hell am I going to do? I love him with all that I am...I'm not perfect either, but damn....never say never huh? Mad and confused!
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Hi,I know you love him and are hurt by what he did.You feel sorry for him,don't you?I have lived this before and know how you feel.It doesn't matter what people tell you,you have to deal with it yourself.Ask yourself this.Do you want to live the rest of your life like that??Your a smart person and know what to do so why do you ask for opinions?I should have been dead years ago but I loved myself more and would not allow a scum bag to drag me down.Feeling sorry for someone doesn't help you.Get away and pray for him,he needs it.
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