My spouse cannot understand the custom of eating after a funeral. Do you think the dead person would not want the living people to enjoy themselves and associate over food?
by 
Sheriff Raff -Answerhag
ANSWERS: 19
-
This is going to sound silly but For my Mother & My Grandmother's Funeral afterwards we had a get together at our house. Everyone was welcome. We didn't ask anyone to bring anything but they did and we cooked homeade food. We thought of it as a gathering of Celebration of the loved one's life. And the person dead would want us to enjoy ourselves. yes they will be deeply missed
-
Better is the day of death than the day of birth.
-
Alot of cultures have made it a rite of passage that there will be food after the funeral. The ones that are sort of freaky to me, are the ones who bring food to the event...employees have to let them know "hey we don't allow that," in a super kind way. One of my friends works in the industry and told me some stories about how people sort of picnic on the lawns...and make a day out of it. I think if there's a group honoring the life of so and so, they should be fed & spend time with one another afterwards...but at home or at a restaurant. I think people usually get together for weddings and funerals, so its a time to catch up.
-
Don't worry about his not understanding. If he'd participate with an open mind in such an event, he might change his mind.
-
I have already told my children that when I die, I do NOT want people all moping around and sad and shyte! Have a big meal with lots of beer, invite all my family and friends, then sit around and tell funny stories about me and laff their asses off! : D
-
It's the difference between celebrating the life of the person that passed and mourning the loss of the person. We lost another cat this morning, and when we got back from the emergency vet after letting her go, my wife and I got home, cuddled with our other kids and had comfort food (left overs). When you lose someone you love, your adrenaline goes out of control. You will lose sleep, you will go into depression, and your body will physically need carbs to maintain.
-
I work at a cemetery and I had many deaths in my own family also, so I see just about every thing you can think of. Many times this is the only time family and friends from afar get together when someone passes, as time has causes people to move away but death has a way of bringing all back together and some times even healing past bad feeling. Family's get together share food and memories. Although not all people wish this to happen, some prefer just the opposite, maybe to many bad things happen and when they bury that person its done and they all just want to forget and go home and they do, so its what ever makes each person and/or family feel best.
-
I was thinking about that the other day - i don't think there is actually a name for that event - it is not a wake, or a funeral - we should name that event!
-
Sorry I didn't put the reference for my answer. It is morbit though isn't it? Once, our calico cat was not using its hind legs. My Dad (old gold miner type) and I went to the vet. The Vet said they should put it to sleep. I was sad, but not really. I seemed to be in another world at that time (early 20s). My Dad had a tough time though. He said ok to the Vet, but at the last minute changed his mind. He took the calico home and crushed up some of his "calcium supplements." He put the crushed calcium in a child's medicine dropper with milk and fed it to the calico. He got better within an hour. My Dad has sinced passed, but I remember wondering how he knew what to do??? Still do not know. But anyways...
-
The shared meal is probably the most fundamental form of community activity. To have "shared bread" is a very fundamental relationship. So in having a meal after the funeral, you are saying "we are coming together as a community to honour the departed". To just separate without the symbolic sharing would be to say that you are all individual cogs, and your shared knowledge of the departed has in no way drawn you together. A very chilly and anti-community attitude, IMO.
-
I can relate with how your spouse feels. I can't get into eating right after leaving a funeral. It is too hard to enjoy myself, let alone, want to socialize.
-
I never really understood why eating in masses is such a highly practiced tradition in anything. Whether a birthday, Independence Day, or funeral, will always avoid the meal part. Ironically, I love to cook for such occasions, and will do often -- am doing tomorrow, actually -- just not the eating in masses part.
-
The after funeral meal is where some of the best food is being served and there might be somebody that you might actually want to talk to and to catch up. This is a fine example of community and should be enjoyed whenever possible. The funeral itself might suck, but the meal afterwards makes up for it.
-
Many times, weddings and funerals are the only times far-flung family members can or DO get together. Normally, friends or church members make a meal for everyone, so the family doesn't have to spend any time or money to do so. Reminiscences of the lost family member, and "catching up" are shared in a relatively relaxed atmosphere. Heck... In New Orleans (and elsewhere) they start off with the sad marching, then break into dancing music on the way to the burial. It's considered sending the deceased off in style, and a celebration of their LIFE.
-
Yes, we mourn the passing of a love one. It's my opinion, with all due respect, the sorrow is for one self. Not the passing of the person. I believe we should celebrate the life of the departed. I dont think there is anything wrong with eating after a funeral. Family and friends gathered and talking about the different memories they have of the departed. For those that have religious beliefs, we know our love one is at peace in a better place. In some cultures having a feast after the funeral is a traditon. Live and let live, we all have diferent opinions and beliefs.
-
The Neanderthals used to bury their clan member and then build a fire over the top and cook a feast of life meal on the grave. This was a last meal ritual, A way of sharing and saying goodbye at the same time. It certainly seems, in one form or another it has survived and passed down the generations to us. +5
-
I don't think I've ever enjoyed myself at a funeral, and I've been to quite a few.
-
A funeral tends to last into the afternoon, and many people like to have drinks afterwards, so it makes sense to lay on a spread to line their stomachs.
-
The dead person is preoccupied.
RELATED QUESTIONS
Copyright 2023, Wired Ivy, LLC