• To continue, the step dad has gone above and beyond to befriend/gain the boys trust. Ball games, parks, offered him lessons in anything (music, sports, etc). He constantly shows him love and affection and gets rejection from the boy. He's been in his life for 5 years now and nothings changed. There's been no problems at all with the step daughter who is now 7. She consider's her step dad her "father" and you can see the love. They even have a new baby daughter, and the step daughter is totally in love with her. The boy shows agression to the baby. His real father is a dead beat dad who does nothing for either child. He lives in the area and doesn't have anything to do with them by his choice. Step dad took all financial responsiblity for the kids and didn't pursue child support. He makes a great living and the kids have everything they want.
  • This a very hard situation~They could declare the child incorrigable and he could be sent to a group home for delinquents. The better way would be to call social services,get a child advocate.A child advocate can help the family w/counseling,she/he can also contact the juvenile probation department to have a probation officer assigned to him to keep him accountable.
  • If my mom ever decides to get married again and I have a step dad, I wouldn't like it if he acted like my friend, either. I'd think he was trying to buy my love and I'd probably try to get away from him. I might have the attitude, "Why should I listen to you? You're not my dad." However, if he was able to make clear rules and would be willing to stick to them, I might change my mind about him and realize, "Hey. He actually cares about me. I should start having a better attitude." What kind of child wants a friend for a parent? It's better to be a PARENT, not a friend. It's better to stick to rules instead of trying to buy a child's love. Not only does that help the child respect you more, it also teaches him or her that selfishness isn't right. How can you be happy if you get everything you want if you're not being disciplined when you do the wrong thing? You may dismiss my opinion if you want because I'm just a 17-year-old girl and not a parent, but yeah, .. Just my thoughts..
  • continue to give him lots & lots of love - unconditional love.
  • It sounds like the step dad is doing some of the right things and he should keep doing them. The boy may be testing the step dad to see if he, too--like his birth father-- will abandon the boy if he keeps acting out. If that's the case, the boy needs to see that no matter how bad he acts, he'll still be loved. They need to be clear that they don't like his behavior, but they will always love him. In the mean time, nine is a tough age for boys. If he continues to act out so as to involve the police, he will end up in a juvenile home. I recommend the love and logic parenting techniques as they are designed to teach responsibility while maintaining a child's self-esteem and respect for both child and parent. See for free info.
  • This sounds too similar to my situation. I'm a step dad to a boy of 12 and girl of 9 and we have a daughter of 5. It's a nightmare. We have been in and out of therapy volunteered to go to parenting classes been accused of physically abusing him, which they investigated and found to be untrue. I totally feel for the other guy. Unfortunately we struggle moneywise bub we are doing the best we can. We tried getting angry we have tried the love and logic approach but the kid changes tactics each time and tells people what they want to hear. Just when you think you are there and he's adjusted well he explodes I to rage again and the cycle contnues. He's not a bad kid just thinks he has to be. I think the answer is time and he will grow and come to realise what's really happening. I say this like I know but I really don't because I often throw my hands up and state that I give up only to start again once I have had time to regroup. Seriously, you'd be surprised at just how many people Re going through this. Tell him to hang in there as long as he can. Just remind him that he is the adult. Wish him luck from me.
  • has information for teens, parents and children. There are worksheets and books that encourage young ones to write their feelings because adolescents have difficulty expressing themselves verbally. That website gives Bible based advice and doesn't require you to give your personal info or create a login. It has helped me through many difficult situations. We also try to play basketball with our sons often, it helps to get out all of their energy and it usually opens the door for calm and heartfelt conversations.
  • if his dad is around maybe he should go live with him
    • mushroom
      If the biological father has not made any attempts at contact, the putting an out of control kid in a situation where he would likely not be monitored or disciplined would be even worse.
  • I have no experience whatsoever in this, but the thing that comes to mind is some sort of special needs boarding school.

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