If you ever saw the film "Hannibal" you'll be aware of the suggestion that pigs will eat anything other than hair and fingernails, therefore the cleanest method is to feed a body to a lot of hungry pigs. Theoretically there is some truth in this. Pigs will eat anything- including pork- but first you have to locate a large group of hungry pigs (a single, average pig will eventually eat the body, but it may take a while), transport the body and carry out the feeding without arousing suspicion. If you are a farmer who lives and works alone, has the body on your property already and keeps pigs in a covered area out of the sight of neighbours you may possibly get away with it. Remember to remove and destroy any residue of hair, nails and bloody straw immediately afterwards. To be extra sure you may also want to accidently set fire to your barn shortly afterwards (Try and get rid of the pigs first too- sell them on for meat) Alternatively, dissolving a body in a large vat of corrosive acid is a good option. Though again, most of us would have problems getting hold of such chemicals without arousing suspicion. My favourite option of all is appropriate mainly to those who work in the industries relating to death and funeral procedures. If you can manage to smuggle your "extra" body into the crematorium furnace before a cremation, or even throw it conveniently in under a thin layer of soil at the bottom of an already dug grave before a legitimate burial is carried out, you'll have covered your tracks pretty well.

You could always use the method seen in Hamish Macbeth episode 'The Great Lochdubh Salt Robbery.' Find someone who has a 'lobster farm', i.e., an aquaculture enterprise where they raise lobsters, either in large tanks or right in the ocean. Lobsters are scavengers and will dispose of this type of flesh in no time. Just don't have any lobster thermidor for a while, though :(

Carefuuly and at night.

cremation.

Cremation or Burial are usually the preferable and easiest ways.

Scarlett, your questions are puzzling, not to mention scary.

Call the funeral parlor and arrange for burial or cremation. Best way? Depends on what you like, what the person wanted done and even what you can afford. Cremation in a simple coffin is the least expensive, no burial plot to purchase, either. And you can keep them around close if youwant or you can pour the ashes somewhere meaningful for you/them. Burial usually means you can visit them and have a headstone that leaves a visible memorial for those left behind and in the future.

Dip it in plaster of paris , paint it to look like your favourite celebrity and when no-one's looking put it on a seat in Madame Tussauds. Make sure your celebrity isn't already in there. I've done it a few times and people have even had their photo done with them !

I find fly-tipping the easiest way, less hassle.

Your question is being forwarded to the FBI, along with your name, email address, telephone number and photograph. We will be on the lookout for you at airports, bus stops and your favourite pub...

I just move to a new place. Let the new tenants figure it out.

I had seen a program once and the man was saying that a way of disposing of a body was to go to the cemetary and look for a freshly dug grave. Dig down deep, bury your body. No one is the wiser because the earth was newly turned with the original burial.

Lye might work. Yeah, but um, killing people = not good. =)

I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

That's classified.

We alway's told our Mom were going to have her stuffed and in put her in a corner to alway's keep her around. :)

Eat it !!!

varnish it and leave it in car, so you drive in car pool lane.

There was a man on tv who killed someone and fed the dead body to his pigs...

ON that show Breaking Bad he used some chemical to completely "dissolve" the body. Ewwwww

there's only one foolproof way I know of...eat it!

Feed em to the fishes.

You're scaring me. What are you doing with a dead body?

E-Bay.com

They built catapults for a reason...

Shot the victim with a subsonic .22LR at point blank range in your shower/bathtub. Cut the victims throat wrists and ankles with a razor knife and allow blood to run out while running a hot bath. Dismember body and throw the properly sized down pieces into large sauce pans of boiling water for a few hours. Once flesh is soft enough force flesh down drain or toliet piece by piece. Remove teeth from boiled down skull and place to the side. Crush bones in your garage with a steel mallet on a large tarp. From here its your choice where to dispose of bone fragments woods or water. Throw the teeth out the window of your car a few at a time. Clean bathroom, kitchen, and garage with bleach.

Cremation seems like the best option to me.

Call the coroner -- that's what they're there for.

Throw it to pigs, they eat everything up

Bury it in a cemetary

cut the dead body into small pieces and feed it to the wild animals.(you can get them in ZOO)

um y r u asking?

acid in the bath, melt it all down then sell it as fertilizer

Have a cab take them home... ;-)

do you know anybody with a pig farm? lol if so then do it snatch style

Drop from the top of very tall building. Who's going to know what happened with it obliterated from the fall? (hopefully)

Pigs leave skulls and the heads of femurs. How to really dump a body. Remove the teeth and eyes, burn off finger-prints, Shave hairy spots, remove kidneys/appendix, soak in bleach, use jig-saw to dismemeber, put the limbs into bin-bags and then weigh the bags down, with rocks and dump far out to sea, best if it's an area that contains toad-fish.Remember to make a slight hole in the top of bag to let water in to prevent bloating when decomp kicks in and the bag floating to the surface, plus it will add extra weight.Bones may remain but with the state you left the body in, it will be next to impossible to identify, plus toad-fish eat coral so they will eat bones.When dumping, keep in your protective gear, water splashing back on you may link you to the drop spot.

bury it!

Puree it in a commercial grade blender put it down the garbage disposal then wash everything with zip zyme...then bleach...then zip zyme again. How did I think of that...geez wierd probably effective though...don't try it though lol

One of my managers keeps telling me that's what they make compactors for. . . (the big, industrial ones, like we have in our restaurant.)

To all who asked,answered, and commented on this ... WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!

Sell it on Ebay.

Ashes to ashes..............

If you mean completely acid, but that hard to get a hold. The next would be throw it out to sea where savenger fish that aren't fished live. All other methods leave behind too much trace evidence or take to long.

Leave it out for the crocs.

Call the cops. They'll take it away.

eat it

Woodchipper =)

put it in ur friends basement. flood the basement. call the cops. blame the friend

I'm a forensic scientist, i see cases of body disposal everyday.I know how to destroy evidence

Are you contemplating killing someone?

Cut it up, blend it up, flush it. Bleach the shit out of everything.

YIKES! Need a little help, huh? We all have our issues...... I can rattle off a list of what NOT to do, if that will help ;)

Call FBI.

I liked the methode in the movie "Snatch". Pigs

Put it in a big suitcase, and then take it to the river, and throw it in the river...

I like the method used in Hamish Macbeth. Lobster tank.

The best way is legally.

Donate it to a medical school!

Eat it.

id eat it

get a big soup pot, 40 lbs of carrots and onions, feeds about 150.

Listen, Max Power! Don't do anything silly, now! There are some other ways to solve your problems! :)

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

Put it in a suitcase and check it in on a flight from Heathrow Terminal 5 - then it will disappear for ever

tie weights to it and drop it off a boat. or quicklime

Call Joe Pesci he should fix all your problems

I always wanted to be chopped up and fed to some bears.

Freeze it with liquid nitrogen then drop it from a great height then sweep the pieces down a drain

Put it thru the garbage disposal. Use the ground up meat to make hamburgers, meatloaf, meatballs, etc. Serve it to your friends with some Chianti wine

Lye. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lye

Dunk it in a barrel full of acid.

Thank you all, I laughed so hard tonight over this thread.

how about don't kill anyone

I had a sofa the dog peed on and I wanted to get rid of so I put it on the curb with a "FREE" sign on it. It was gone in about two hours. Tried that yet?

That is one thing that I've been thinking about alot lately. One medical problem after another has left me with so many suicidal thoughts. I figure the best way is to go dig a grave jump into it with a couple sticks of dynamite and lay on top of them before setting them off. (out in a forest or desert less populated) that way there won't be that much to find.

Hog Farm. Hogs/pigs eat bone and all

Body disposal. Rule one and it’s the only rule, if you fail to plan something of this magnitude you are planning on spending your life behind bars. You will need the following to undertake this project: elastic topped thick gloves, the kind bee keepers would use: a bee keepers hat and veil: a good thick set of overalls: a collection of knives, a machete and a meat cleaver: large and strong plastic bags: a means of transport: a long handled shovel and two bags of builders lime. There is no need to wear any of the above just yet, you will see as you read when you need to change cloths, don’t worry about fingerprints or DNA during this procedure. To business. The problem with a human body is that it contains just over five litres of blood; this is enough to cover the floor of the average bedroom. The first step in the breaking down and destruction of a human body lies in getting this blood out of the way. Blood begins to pool in tissue very soon after death, so moving fast is always the best option, hang the body head down and open up the major veins and arteries in the neck, this will drain most of the blood from the body. Take a hammer and strike the middle of the skull so as to cause a fracture, this will let the blood pooled in the brain case escape. This lightens the body and makes the following steps so much easier to undertake. Once the body had been drained of blood it can be butchered much like any other animal. The first step in breaking a body down is to gut the body, some basic understanding of hunting skills makes this far less traumatic on the operator doing the breakdown. Position a large plastic bag under the body, roll it down so the bag is like a large bowl. Next cut into the throat and grasp the windpipe, tie a piece of string around it and pull the string tight, now cut it free from the head end. Next spread the bodies legs and cut around the anus, you want that valve to remain closed and to keep any faecal matter that may be inside, inside, for it smells. Now cut a V along the ribcage and then up from the centre of the ribcage to the pelvic bone; do this upward stroke with the cutting edge facing out so as not to cut the intestines. Pull the flaps open, cutting more flap if needed and reach in and scoop out the intestines. Once one part of the intestines goes into the bag the rest almost always go in the same place. Trim anything that it sticking to the cavity wall free so that the gutting is complete. Remove the plastic bag and replace it with another one. You now have a much lighter body to work with. Driving your knife into the armpit locate the shoulder joint and cut through it, this can be difficult as the sinews are strong, a twisting pushing motion with the knife rather than a sawing motion is easiest. Remove the arms. On the neck there is a lumpy vertebra, impact just above this with a meat cleaver or a machete now using a knife hack and cut through the connecting tissues. The head will separate. Take the machete or meat cleaver and strike the spine at the point where the ribcage ends. The spine will separate. Now taking your knife follow through what is left of the body flaps and the ribs and shoulders will fall to the floor, hopefully into a plastic bag. Separate one leg from the hips and then the other. Keep the arms and legs to one side you have work to do on them in a moment. Bag the hips and the time has come to break down the limbs. Simply chop them through joints. Don’t worry about finger prints or teeth, or even DNA, the next steps will take care of that. You now have a bag with the guts, a bag with the hips, a bag with the chest, a bag with arms, a bag with legs and a bad with the head in it. From an evidence position the head is fairly important, but in truth any body part is evidence. Just twist the bags closed, you don’t want to do anything with them just yet and you will need to reopen them. Drive to what is hopefully a preselected location, if your smart it will be swampy with loads of mosquitos and biting bugs, wear the coveralls and gloves, a beekeeping hat really helps and loads of bug repellent. By going to such a nasty place you wont get too many police officers wanting to dig around and methane detectors that are used to ‘sniff’ out bodies will be of no value. Dig a hole deep enough to strike water, as soon as you have hit water your done digging, now this might be a shallow hole, it matters little, just as long as the hole is wet. Put a bag in the hole, roll the bag open and pour in a good serve of builders lime. Fill the hole in and move on. Do this for each and every bag, trying to replace the ground as close to natural looking as you can. Try to do this as far from home as possible. If you are caught carrying the bags into the swamp or digging the holes, then you will have to dig more holes to put the witness in. If you want a good reason to be in the swamp take a pair of binoculars or a decent DSLR camera with you and if you meet anyone leaving the swamp tell them that you just saw what ever bird is exciting in your region. It pays to know a few bird names just in case the person you meet is a bird watcher. Drive away. You just got away with it, just so long as you’re not dumb enough to brag. ( The legal bit:- The above information is for educational use only, it is not the intent that any human be treated in this manner and it is expected that the reader is a law abiding and decent person.)

Body disposal. Rule one and it’s the only rule, if you fail to plan something of this magnitude you are planning on spending your life behind bars. You will need the following to undertake this project: elastic topped thick gloves, the kind bee keepers would use: a bee keepers hat and veil: a good thick set of overalls: a collection of knives, a machete and a meat cleaver: large and strong plastic bags: a means of transport: a long handled shovel and two bags of builders lime. There is no need to wear any of the above just yet, you will see as you read when you need to change cloths, don’t worry about fingerprints or DNA during this procedure. To business. The problem with a human body is that it contains just over five litres of blood; this is enough to cover the floor of the average bedroom. The first step in the breaking down and destruction of a human body lies in getting this blood out of the way. Blood begins to pool in tissue very soon after death, so moving fast is always the best option, hang the body head down and open up the major veins and arteries in the neck, this will drain most of the blood from the body. Take a hammer and strike the middle of the skull so as to cause a fracture, this will let the blood pooled in the brain case escape. This lightens the body and makes the following steps so much easier to undertake. Once the body had been drained of blood it can be butchered much like any other animal. The first step in breaking a body down is to gut the body, some basic understanding of hunting skills makes this far less traumatic on the operator doing the breakdown. Position a large plastic bag under the body, roll it down so the bag is like a large bowl. Next cut into the throat and grasp the windpipe, tie a piece of string around it and pull the string tight, now cut it free from the head end. Next spread the bodies legs and cut around the anus, you want that valve to remain closed and to keep any faecal matter that may be inside, inside, for it smells. Now cut a V along the ribcage and then up from the centre of the ribcage to the pelvic bone; do this upward stroke with the cutting edge facing out so as not to cut the intestines. Pull the flaps open, cutting more flap if needed and reach in and scoop out the intestines. Once one part of the intestines goes into the bag the rest almost always go in the same place. Trim anything that it sticking to the cavity wall free so that the gutting is complete. Remove the plastic bag and replace it with another one. You now have a much lighter body to work with. Driving your knife into the armpit locate the shoulder joint and cut through it, this can be difficult as the sinews are strong, a twisting pushing motion with the knife rather than a sawing motion is easiest. Remove the arms. On the neck there is a lumpy vertebra, impact just above this with a meat cleaver or a machete now using a knife hack and cut through the connecting tissues. The head will separate. Take the machete or meat cleaver and strike the spine at the point where the ribcage ends. The spine will separate. Now taking your knife follow through what is left of the body flaps and the ribs and shoulders will fall to the floor, hopefully into a plastic bag. Separate one leg from the hips and then the other. Keep the arms and legs to one side you have work to do on them in a moment. Bag the hips and the time has come to break down the limbs. Simply chop them through joints. Don’t worry about finger prints or teeth, or even DNA, the next steps will take care of that. You now have a bag with the guts, a bag with the hips, a bag with the chest, a bag with arms, a bag with legs and a bad with the head in it. From an evidence position the head is fairly important, but in truth any body part is evidence. Just twist the bags closed, you don’t want to do anything with them just yet and you will need to reopen them. Drive to what is hopefully a preselected location, if your smart it will be swampy with loads of mosquitos and biting bugs, wear the coveralls and gloves, a beekeeping hat really helps and loads of bug repellent. By going to such a nasty place you wont get too many police officers wanting to dig around and methane detectors that are used to ‘sniff’ out bodies will be of no value. Dig a hole deep enough to strike water, as soon as you have hit water your done digging, now this might be a shallow hole, it matters little, just as long as the hole is wet. Put a bag in the hole, roll the bag open and pour in a good serve of builders lime. Fill the hole in and move on. Do this for each and every bag, trying to replace the ground as close to natural looking as you can. Try to do this as far from home as possible. If you are caught carrying the bags into the swamp or digging the holes, then you will have to dig more holes to put the witness in. If you want a good reason to be in the swamp take a pair of binoculars or a decent DSLR camera with you and if you meet anyone leaving the swamp tell them that you just saw what ever bird is exciting in your region. It pays to know a few bird names just in case the person you meet is a bird watcher. Drive away. You just got away with it, just so long as you’re not dumb enough to brag. ( The legal bit:- The above information is for educational use only, it is not the intent that any human be treated in this manner and it is expected that the reader is a law abiding and decent person.)

I am partial to a wood chipper

Since you said 'properly' I suggest you contact a local undertaker and discuss your options. Cremation or burial? Flowers or donations? Headstone or tree forest scattering? Etc., If you wish to do it 'improperly' I suggest you give yourself up - now! before you do harm to any more innocent people. They have all sorts of ways of helping these days in such matters... RIP

Can we say BBQ?

pigs will eat anything and everything.

Fill up your bathtub with muriatic acid and let the body marinate in there for a few days. Whatever is left over, put thru the food processor and then down the garbage disposal. I guarantee you nobody will ever suspect a thing

The most cost-effective way to dispose a corpse is to do canibalism. The Jeffery Dahmer's way. My 2 cents. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeffrey_Dahmer

Most of us believe in funerals, but you my friend, believe in landfills... :) (hint)

The movie "Snatch" has your answer! ;-)

Make it look like Jigsaw did it!

Oregeno and hot sauce.

Well, if you're wanting there to be no ties to you, and little chance of identification... Cut off the head and hands and dispose of them separately. If you want to be extra careful, damage the mouth so that dental records wont be useful for identification. Make sure you do all of this over a tarp or plastic sheet. Make sure there are no personal effects or tattoos that could be used to identify your victim. If there are, remove them. Move the plastic sheeting and body into a hole and cover the body with quicklime, if you have it. Fill the hole with dirt, then go home and burn your clothes and shower for a long time. If you used your car to transport the body, get it professionally cleaned. Anything the corpse was in contact with, burn or clean. Destroy any evidence that you were ever in contact with the now deceased individual, and put it out of your mind.

Propriety, indeed, is of grave significance in such an activity. The correct knotting of the ascot, be the corpse male, or of the apron/sari/cocktail-dress, be it female, is of consummate importance. Inviting the neighbors in for a final viewing/toasting/pissing contest is crucial, as well. Flowers never fail. A proper disposal, though, consists as well of a spiritual side, an invocational valediction, such as a reading from Joyce's Ulysses, Carroll's Alice in Wonderland, or any relatively current almanac can supply. The dismemberment and incineration should be accompanied by thoughtfully selected music; Bartok or Gregorian Chant, for a guess, though of course the music dearest to the corpse might be found most appropriate. Murder as few of the guests as necessary : remember, this is a sacred event! (:"

You don't. Unless it's your job legally.

dig a hole, dump the corpse, put some dirt on top, then put some roadkill on top of that, then fill in the rest of the hole.

I'm not going to be an accessory to murder after the fact but watch the movie Snatch! lol!

The ground, apparently.

In your neighbors back yard... That is what I do...

A national park or other rural area.

If i told you, you would have to be one of those corpses.

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

A woodchipper...think Fargo :P