Well, if he is completely over her and he loves you and is faithful to you, then you shouldnt worry about it. If its a really big deal, ask to go with him to go pick up the kids or go to his son's birthday party.

I think if they can be amicable to one another, yes. It sets a good example for the kids and he should definitely be at his son's birthday party. It is about the children, not the adults. The children should feel safe and comfortable and seeing mom and dad get along is a big part of that.

Like it or not his ex-wife will always be a part of your life, because of the kids. Just think of them.

Yes. He isn't going to his ex-wife's house. He's going to his son's house. His son just happens to be young enough that he has to live with his mom. Don't get in the way of the father and children's relationships. It won't last if you do, and if he's the kind of guy that would ignore his children to please his girlfriend, he's not the kind of guy you'd want in the long run anyway.

I see no reason for your DH to into x's house. The child can meet him at the door, if not at the car! If your DH wants to celebrate his son's b-day, he should have a party for him at your home, not go the x's party. Sends the wrong message to the child, who has already had to deal with the divorce, he doesn't need more confusion thrown at him.

I didn't say that they couldn't along, I said I think it is inappropriate to socialize. Two totally different things. Also, I think that if the wife is having issues with the visits, the husband should be respectful of his wife and her feelings, and work with her to come to a compromise, like partners should do, not blow of her feelings as insignificant. It is healthy for children to see a marriage where the partners are caring, loving, and respectful to each other. The children already have one failed marriage as example to see, why set them up for a second example of failed marriage? Each partner has to choose their battles in life, and decide what hill they are willing to die on. Ultimately, if wife is not comfortable with her husband going into his x's house, she will feel disrespected, and then resentful. Once there is a lack of respect, you've begun to slide down the slippery slope, and will BOTH have work very hard to regain the trust and respect necessary to love a spouse. Yes, it is healthy for the kids to see the parents get along, but ultimately, I think it is more harmful for kids to see if this comes at cost of NOT seeing the married partners getting along.

This is such a similar situation to mine. I believe that, in general, it is not ok for the husband to enter the ex-wife's house when picking up the children. The husband should not tread where he cannot also bring his wife. The husband should not be laughing and listening to the ex-wife's stories, unless the ex also welcomes the new wife to enter her home and to also join in on the conversation. When his wife is not present, he should remain outside of the front door out of respect for his wife. I make an exception if the child is sick or injured. The 2 older children live with her, and although it was difficult, I was ok with it. I believe that a lot of professionals and parents involved with divorce work to come up with ideal situations for the children, and that is the right thing to do. Realistically, as stated in a response above, what the children need is an example of a fourishing marital relationship, and the new wife's feelings should be accounted for as well if that is to happen. Yes, we are there for the children, but entering the other's home is not necessary in their upbringing. There is likely no one more interested in seeing the new couple break up than the ex. It would be pure validation for her. Even today, I have always been respectful of my husband's ex, even though when we first got together, she stormed into his house and screamed at and hit me (still injured from that) because she "could not handle" seeing me playing a game with her kids. We've come a long way since then, and I am comfortable right about here... no digression, no progression. I put a lot of myself into helping to raise his children, and they have made great leaps under the current situation; their teachers even comment on how settled they seemed once we married. This is a good family, and I want to keep it and cherish it. I am very vocal - in a kind way - when I feel that "our nest" is being violated. I believe that is our shared responsibility to protect it and to acknowledge when the other senses a threat to it. As for birthday parties, our kids have learned that it is exciting to have 2 birthday parties, 2 Christmases, and 2 bedrooms. This way, everyone enjoys themselves just as they would on a regular visit. I would never advocate sending a husband to the ex's alone for a birthday party. If that is not disrespectful to one's wife, then I do not know what is.

Same situation here as the annonus writer who wrote the long message on not going there out of respect. I believe the husband SHOULD NOT go there. I had the same situation, my husband and I were dating at the time. HE has v2 older children and his xwife is very jellouse. They split because she was cheating..with his brothers and shes begged him alot to cdome back after the devorce. I had been over my boyfriends(now husband) house and she was dropping the kids and came storming in screaming at me and triend to attack me. She is a bigger puetrorican woman, she actually came screamin "who are you to F** my ex husband" "Little tramp, WH*ore" all of that. And he could have told her to leave and he didn't. He let her come after me, she only left when I thretend her. SHe was freaking out. SInce then when she calls my husband I get anxiouse. He says she "appoligized" about it and said she wasbeing jellouse and everything, but she never apoligized to me and that only made me more mad. It was if he was justifying her actions. Anyway, NO I dont think he should go in, especially since think about it.. They used 2 have strong feelings for each other, would u feel comfortable having him visit an ex...NO okay then

I am in a similar situation and my fiance and I have set guidelines about this. My soon to be hisband never lived in the condo his ex wife now lives in. We are not living in a house that his ex wife has ever lived in therefore our individual houses should be our own sacred place. Our boys know now that we will not enter their mothers house because that is her house and anythign they would liek to share with us ( pics of their rooms, posters, etc. ) they have digital cameras and they can take a picture and show it to us. This way the children are happy and we don't interfere with anyone elses territory. My biggest thing is as the soon to be new wife who is inheriting 2 cute kids,and a crazy ex wife, there are very few things that I can call "mine". I will always have to share the kids, their lives, their events, birthdays, outings.The ex wife will always have a relationship with my soon to be husband. I don't have to share my house that is something I can call my own and I don't have to feel guilty or bad about it.

man, its his EX wife, he's married to you. it shouldnt be a big deal! my answer is YES to both

I think that he should go because those are his kids. I'm living in this kind of situation right now. I think that you should trust your husband and know that the ex will always be apart of your life.

Ur question is slightly loaded. IE: is the ex remarried? Is the ex widowed having tragically lost her second husband? Is the ex jealous of you? Is she insecure? Are you? It is inappropriate for your husband (H) to go into her home on a regular basis.....especially if the kids are older. And unless you too have an invite to your stepchild's birthday party, in no way should your H go without you!

Where do you think he should pick up his kids? At the train station? Of course he should pick up his children at their home. He should also go to his son's birthday party.

I feel that you should talk it over with your husband and decide what is best for your relationship. Bottom line your husband should respect your wishes - EVEN if he doesn't agree. You are his wife and his most important friend. His responsibility is to you first then his son. As his wife you will always be there - his children will grow up and have families of their own. He must first have a great relationship with you before he can provide a loving home for his son. He has no responsibility to his ex-wife that tie was broken through divorce. I think it is reasonable that his ex-wife can have their son's clothes ready so your husband can swing by and just pick them up and he doesn't have to go in. In regard to his son's birthday party - if his ex-wife has a party then it should be her and her family and friends. Your husband should decline if you cannot attend. He should not be disrespectful of you. When his son comes to stay at your home then you can have a birthday party for him then. If you want to invite the ex-wife to your house for the son's sake then great.

Of course he should. Its time for your husband to put his children above all his problems. No matter what happens they should be more important than anything, and its a shame that this divorce occurred. But to avoid the house is preposterous, no matter what the situation is.

yes

Pay attention to these words: Ex, child, co-parenting and insecure. They are ex's for a reason and they have a child and will "always" have some connection for the sake and well being of that child. It is called co-parenting and it is the best interest of the child. You are not the mother and you are not the father. Let them be parents to their child and stop being so insecure.

If you are not invited to the child's birthday then i say that he should not attend either. I know its the child's birthday but showing the child a loving relationship means seeing his dad treat his wife with respect. But would you even want to go? Probably not if the ex is a psycho. My husbands ex walked into our home one day just to piss us off. It worked. Its a total violation. ESPECIALLY after everything she has done to us. Now we have a restraining order because she broke into our home and vandalized it. So she wont be stepping foot in our home again. THANK GOD. We have separate birthday parties for the kids and its no big deal. They are not stupid. They know their mom is a nut.

I'd have to yes to both. He has to maintain a 'working' relationship with his ex for his sons sake. It doesnt mean anything, just being polite.

Let the kid decide if he wants both his parents there, where he wants to have his party, then let him have it. If the father never interacts with his wife, ever, it leaves a serious gap of communication. Not only that, but it's probably pretty tough already to have parents that are separated, and being forced to watch them refuse to even talk to each other would be excruciating for a child of any age. I can understand that it's probably really tough for you to know that he's around someone who he had such a serious relationship, and even had kids, with. But at the same time, unless he's given you reason to doubt his fidelity to you, he has a right to maintain (platonic) contact with his wife, especially when it's important to the kids. Like I said, I see how it would be hard. But you're an adult, and much more mature and better equipped to handle this than a child. When you're married to a guy who has kids from a previous relationship, sometimes you just need to grit your teeth and deal with being uncomfortable or jealous for the sake of the kids.

Yes but I hope he doesn't object to you going along. You should be glad if they still have an amiable relationship.