• Sounds like you two need some serious one on one conversation. sounds like he may have lost interest in your relationship. could there be someone else? if someone loves you, there is only you. also sounds like a one-way street love affair. you are on track, but he is not. you do not fall out of love with someone you love, unless one part of the team is cheating. if cheating is not a questionable possibility, look elsewhere for an answer. how old is your relationship? i have always thought that people who date each other, for a long period of time, get tired of each other. happens every day. also sounds like chilling with you has now taken a back seat to something more important in your boyfriends life. converse with each other. not knowing will eventually drive you nuts and he surely will be on his merry way. good luck. let me know!
  • So, 'he doesn't know what he wants', eh? I've heard that excuse before and it's not good news and it's not honest. It usually is a feeble attempt to 'let you down easy' and not come right out and admit that for him the relationship is yesterday's news. He thinks that by disengaging from you in stages, it will make it easier - well it might be easier for him, but not for you. It still keeps you clinging to the relationship when he knows that it's over and it lets him avoid responsibility for admitting his true feelings (or lack of them) and for being the one to dump you . Maybe he's hoping that if he stalls long enough, you will be the one to break it off and he will avoid a scene. He's not the first and won't be the last to try this tactic; and it won't avoid an unpleasant scene. If he really wanted to work through this indecision of his, you would know it because he would have told you so. Go ahead and cry, it'll make you feel better for awhile; don't be ashamed of your feelings. but then, wipe your face and tell yourself, as the song says 'I will survive' because you will and you will have learned from this experience.
  • Girl crying will make things worse.In the first place why do you cry for some one who does not know what he wants or whether he loves you? Be practical dearie-live a life and not suffer a relationship
  • No you can't fix it because he does not want to. He is trying to let you down gently because he has no desire to see you so upset & the more you cry, the worse he feels about it. Nevertheless, this does not change his feelings and he wants to 'call it a day'. The reason it feels so awful (apart from the obvious) is because right now he is staying out of guilt - he is still hanging on but for entirely the wrong reasons - and you know this deep down. Be brave, let him go now.
  • Let him go. You cant make him love you and if he doesnt know what he wants then how can you fix it. It will stop hurting and you will stop crying.
  • Show him you know what you want. Find someone who wants you as much as you want them.
  • I'm going through the same problem at the moment. my boyfriend has told me that he doesn't know what he wants and has suggested we take a two week break - something I was not entirely happy about. He says that he used to see us together in ten years time but doesn't now. I've tried suggesting things to him but his answer is always 'i don't know'. Is this the end? or is there any hope?
  • This is yet another female gong through this situation. He is currently doing teaching practice for a teaching degree and at the moment he feels like he is stressed out with the work and our relationship. He says that he doesnt know what he wants anymore but he would still like to see me because he likes spending time with me. Like thats EVER gona work. I feel really upset about this because i cant believe he can just say that and even when im crying he just tells me he doesnt need this and that he has to teach in the morning. We have been together for three years now, but always on and off. Do you think i should finally call it off for the very last time?
  • USED...a familiar word? You just use it in your sentence and that word has a lot of meaning as i can see. The fact of that he doesn't love you, is a nice way of saying, see you later, it was good well it lasted, but it's over. I want to move on, and you need to move on. He does know what he wants my darling, you can't fight in life what you want, but it's hard to let go sometimes when you don't want somebody who is so connected to you. And as i can see, you are connected to him. Wow, that is a lot of effort when someone comes to see...oh my lord girl, you need to step back and look at what you are chasing. He's just not that into you, read the book, it's a great book and though alot of stuff is realy obvious, it's not to the person thats obsessed with the person who just let them go. And he's just let you go. So it's time for you to realize that. No, you can not fix it, it's broken, just like your heart is, so is your relationship. A broken heart and a relationship as anybody will tell you, does not go together. It's hard, trust me, i've been crying at work, well crossing the road listening to all the possible heartbreak songs you can name and crying as well. I've let myself hit rock bottom, and trust me i have. My ex is my next door neighbour, and it's been the hardest time of my life. But the fact of that he wanted it anymore, as i know now he saying he didn't want me anymore, made it devastating. But i picked myself up after 3 months and now i'm doing better. Let yourself be sad, and be around people who care about you. Talk about it lots to your friend's and then they'll be a time when you meet somebody who actually deserves you and knows for a fact that be just wants you. That you are the best thing in his life, and you are his priority! Anyways people can tell you what they want to, but you are the only one who can let go and the only one who can realize how wrong the situation is. Remember you can not fix it, it takes two to tango my friend.
  • Clearly he dose not want to be with you.... Useed to = did, not any more
  • my problem is that my boyfriend says he wants to be with me but he just wants to take time since we are always fighting. and we have its beein 4 weeks already and he wont tell me nothing at times he is cool with me over the phone and at times he wont answer my calls what should i do???
  • you guys are stupid with your advice like it just so easy to let him go what do you know.. check out all the stuff written about how to handle these things there are tonnes of books. It is not impossible to spark his intrest again but you have to back off and try not to call so much don't act desperate it will not be attractive. Don't cry in front of him be confident and happy fake it if you have to. Tell him its cool and at least pretend you have a great life with or without him. Do not chase him he will pull futher away. don't e mail text and call just wait and give him lots of space they usually always call eventually. They get curious as to why you aren't calling. In the meantime work on yourself so you look and act great. It won't happen over night but if you avoid looking clingy and work on being happy and confident and give him space you have a good chance good luck.
  • I am going through the same thing at the moment so your not alone, I have been with him for 4 years and the last year as not been so good, we did live together but laat year I moved out as we were not getting on, just to give us some space but now I we are very distant from each other. We get on very well but the spark for sex and showing effection has gone. We have a group of the same friends so its difficult to not see each other. He has told me that he doesnt love me anymore and doesnt fancvy me either which has runied my confidence totally! I love him so much I cant bare to be without him and keep praying that it will all be back to normal one day. We have done so much together over the years travelled thw world i dont want to throw it away! I do agree that you have to avoid each other totally and so your on thing make yourself look beautiful and never ever call him but its sooo hard!!
  • You know what? No-one really knows but you. You know deep-down if he loves you, ever loved you or ever will again. so only you can decide to let go or give him some space and then try again. Take some time to spend alone, with yourself, and really look at the situation. switch off your phone, computer etc, get comfortable, write things down if you need to (very therapeutic) and breathe, don't rush it. It may take days of doing this to finally allow yourself to see the reality of the situation....maybe you're avoiding it subconsciously because the answer is not something you want to hear. Maybe it's too sad or would require hard work....either way - ask YOURSELF. We don't know you or your boyfriend and people tend to give advice which is biased towards their own experience....they may even advise you just based on their mood at the time! So just because someone elses last boyfriend 'just wasn't that into' her, or because someone thought it was really worth fighting for....that's them. Trust yourself. Don't rush or panic. Breathe.
  • im now in that situation right now,i also dnt knw what to do.. but i think give him space is hard to do but i think that is one thing that will resolve are problems.. i want him to realize my worth.. sO i will give him space!!
  • Stop crying and pull yourself together. Look in the mirror and ask yourself why you're letting someone else determine how you feel. YOU determine how YOU feel. If you let him do that, then you're giving him control over YOU and that's not good for anybody and it sure won't help your relationship. Nobody likes a doormat and by sitting around crying, clinging, begging, and so on, you are letting yourself be a doormat. Stand up, grab yourself by the balls (metaphorically of course), and YOU take control of YOUR life. If he doesn't like you anymore why would you even want him? That's crazy. Aren't you better than that? Of course you are. Have a little pride in yourself. And let me tell you, once you do stand up with confidence and independence, you'll be all the more attractive to men - even to your ex. So girlfriend, find a hobby, go to parties, exercise, get some new clothes, and find YOUR life - not his. Act like you're too good to be treated like yesterday's news because honey you are.
  • I am so glad to know that my boyfriend is not the only guy out there that doesn't know what he wants! After almost two years, we're on a break because he's says he never got time to get over all the crap from his last relationship. I am having a really hard time, the crying all the time is starting to really get on my nerves. I can't even listen to the radio or watch a movie without blubbering. Thanks for the advice about just breathing and giving it some space. All that just let him go and move on stuff was starting to upset me.
  • I'm in a similar boyfriend recently told me that he doesn't love me...yet...doesn't know if he will, but he does want to keep dating because everything is going well and we won't know if he will love me back unless we try, right? Well, obviously no one wants to put their heart out there and risk being told that they're not loved even farther down the road. So, what I'm trying to decide now, is whether or not the pain, which I know is definitely a possibility, of loving someone even more and not being loved back is so unbearable that I shouldn't even take the risk. If what you truly want is to be with him, and you and/or him believe that there is even just the slightest chance of him loving you back (or again), then wouldn't you do everything in your power to obtain that? Is it worth it to live with the regret for the rest of your life, not knowing if it ever would have worked out? Has anyone been in this situation and has any good insight?
  • Join the club...mine said the same thing to me. then not even an hour or so later he was IM'ing me over the computer that he needs to fix some stuff in his life and his first priority is US...well if thats the case then why break up.then he tells me that there is a good chance that we will get back together and that he does love me.what exactly goes trough their heads...we were even living together for over a year.
  • I m having the same problem!! If u love him,just be like him how much u loves him..
  • Well it could be that whenever you see eachother, it isnt enjoyable becuase your always crying. This has happened to me and its so hard to just act normal when you do hang out knowing everything he has said to you (that he doesnt know what he wants). It just probes us to keep asking every chance we get. For my situation, it led to us going on a break for a month and then breaking up for like 2 days. We got back together and i figured if i want this to work im going to have to put it all behind me and just make him fall in love with me all over again. As hard as it is to just leave it be, you just have to be how you were when you guys first started dating around him. Make enjoyable for him to hang out with you so he will want to and want to be with you. Good luck!
  • Just leave him and find a man. Sounds like you are tired of boys.
  • The only way your going to find out what u want, well what he wants is having time apart and u telling him you cant do this back and forth cause its playing with your emotions, go your separate ways and don't text him, and if he really wants u he'll come running back

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