• Yes. They always said that I deserved it and that I can't be telling anyone about it. I once tried to tell someone, and they sent someone to the house. I got the ass kicking of my life after they left. It was physical and mental/emotional abuse.
  • I was abused when I was 5. I never told anyone, until after I got married. Not only was I abuse by one cousin, but I had another cousin who forced me to watch him as he forced oral sex on my 2 year old sister.... THANK GOD she has no memory of it. I swear when i ever see either of those men ever again, I'll expose them and make them wish that they never set eyes on either of us. I was scared as a child, but now I have kids of my own, if someone ever did something like that to one of them, I couldn't be held responsible for my actions. It infuriates me that those men stole my innocense from me and my baby sister. I eventually told about seeing my sister abused about 2 years after it happened, But I was so ashamed about what had happened to me, that I just recently acknowledged that it happen, after 20 years. The statute of limitations has expired, but I will make that man pay. He'll have lost everything by the time I get done with his sorry ass.
  • I just found out yesterday that my aunt was raped as a child by a distant family member. She just told her family recently and it happened over 60 years ago. My family was talking about how common that was back then and that even if you told someone he/she would have kept it secret. You just didn't talk about it. I think that it's probably the same in most families. Even in cases where the abuser doesn't threaten the abused he/she is likely not to tell anyone because of the code of silence. An abuser's best protection is silence. I also think that it's changing. People are no longer hiding long term family abuse like in the past. But, that code of silence is a very hard one to break. Even as adults, most people just don't talk about what happened to them as children or in the case of spousal abuse as adults.
  • No they did not. :)
  • Yes, they used something like: "it's our little secret". I won't go into any more details as it's a subject I much rather keep private. The people doing it are fully aware its wrong and of course are afraid to be caught. The reason I'm answering is because it's never wise to keep quiet if something like this is happening or has happened to you. Speak about it, seek help in people you trust.
  • No it never really happened because I ran away, An old Step Uncle tried to put his hand inside my panties. I was about six and I hated him anyway so it never went farther than that and I never told anyone until about 6 years ago and my Mother asked me why I always said I would not go to his grave. I then told her what he had tried to do.. He had eleven children 5 of them girls I would be very surprised if he did not abuse them. Happily he died years ago.
  • Oh as far as "mental" and emotional abuse. Um, my parents didn't give a crap if their criticism negatively affected me. They still think til this day their actions were justfied. In some ways, their criticism and etc. made me in some ways bitter, anger, resentful, and until this day I'm struggling with not believing myself and I often have a cynical or "realistic" view of things.
  • As long as the abuse remains secret the abuser retains power over the victim.
  • Not in those exact words, it was more like the problem is disposed of so there is no reason to discuss this anymore :)
  • They couldn't remember abusing me. Unfortunately, alcoholism was wonderful excuse for not remembering what he'd done. I was never expressly told not to tell anyone, but I suppose that I was too scared to at the time. (I did eventually learn to fight back when in those situations though...As much as I deplore violence...)
  • Yes. My pretty female babysitter molested me when I was 10. She said what alot of them say. She said something along the lines of "This is our secret". I remember bragging to my brother about it though.
  • Nope. I ended up telling someone.
  • Given the number of people who speak up about abuse 5, 20, 80 years after it happens, and not before that... there must be a simple huge number of people who the same things happened to, but they NEVER told anyone about it at all. I doubt that every single one of those people's abusers told them to keep quiet DIRECTLY, but there's such a thing of shame about it, they normally make it pretty clear to keep quiet, anyway. I can't remember anyone ever abusing me and telling me to keep quiet about it as a child.
  • Yes many times , thats why I find it hard to stand up for myself - It seems also I just knew to be quiet about the abuse -- Sad Life to have to hold all that inside + 5
  • Yes, they said that if i said anything to anyone they'd hurt me more. Then they hurt me extra anyway to prove it.
  • Yes, my mother, all my siblings were several abused physically, sexually and emotionally as small children by our father. Our mother told us we must never say a word to her mother because she knew her mother would kill our father and go to jail. Keeping this secret until my grandmother was dead ruin my entire life because my mind was filled with torment and I could not release it to someone I thought could help.
  • No one wants to get identified as a 'wrong-doer' and feel inside the acute bitterness of truth and especially when it is about thier own "bad" deed.especially with parents. Even sisters or brothers don't help, even don't ready to listen, understand our perspective, they just think and belief that you are wrong and relief parents by saying "they can't grow up at this better change yourself. " yes... they definitely want to keep it all secret, even cases like mother beat up and don't tell her husband ... Indirectly many things are told, warned about and expressed through their eyes, feelings, reactions, and actions.
  • yep. the abuser was/is a very unstable person and they deny anything ever happened. i believe they think nothing happened. i have no anger to them anymore, just sadness that they refuse to get the help they need.
  • they sure did right up until the day i stood up for myself, now he is out of my life and those who support him. He lives his life and i live my life, no more secrets to keep.

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