• An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000." Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened. Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me? Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." Dr. Young: "Aaagh! This is Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500." Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything." Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500." Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!" Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. Here's your $1000 back." Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..." Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500." Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer "
    • Roaring
      That's clever : )
  • This one may be a little off colour to some folks but it is funny. Square testicles An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?" The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square." The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?" "Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square." "Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness." "No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently. That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet. The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure." The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"
    • Linda Joy
      Good one! Thank you!
    • Cats & Dolphins
      The "Bank of Canada" is not like a regular bank.
  • 7-22-2017 The scientist talks to God. He says "God, we don't need you at all now. We can even make a man from dust, just like you did. God says "Hey, go for it. That's worth seeing." The scientist stoops and grabs some dirt. God roars "HOLD ON! GET YOUR OWN DIRT! THAT'S MINE!
    • Linda Joy
      I love that joke! One of my best friends told me that joke!
  • Boudreaux and LaRoache live near Fourchon Louisiana. One Saturday they drove to Lake Charles to gamble in the casino. LaRoache was careful and didn't gamble the money they needed for gas to get home and when the get home money was all that was left he began to search for Boudreaux. Before long he found a very excited Boudreaux near the center of the room feeding dollar bills into a machine and saying..."Wooha!! Wooooha!! How you like dat. I got de jackpot! I put in one dollar 'an de machine pay off four quarter every time."
    • Linda Joy
    • mushroom
      As a kid, I used to enjoy testing all the payphones because sometimes they paid off too.
  • A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. The bartender says, "Hey, you can't bring that pig in here." The woman says, "Excuse me, but this is a duck." The bartender replies, "Excuse me, I was talking to the duck."
  • I was attending a military party for officers where there was a crusty old general making lots of cranky remarks to anyone who would talk to him. A beautiful young woman overheard this and approached the general and asked "Why are you so extremely disagreeable?" He said, "No reason". She then asked "When did you last have sex?" "1940." She said "I'll fix that" and took him by the hand into a back room and and had wild sex with him. When they returned to the party one of the general's old friends saw him asked "Hey general, when did you get to the party?" He responded "About 1950".
  • Wow Linda you spurred some answers. You posted a good joke and the others posted jokes too.
  • Some asshole came back to my house the other day and knocked on my door. He was telling me all about how I needed to "be saved" or else I would "burn." I told him to Fuck off. Stupid fireman.

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