ANSWERS: 100
  • Because as the saying goes, nice guys finish last. They are just too nice; many people today love friends who are outgoing and rebellious. Many nice people are shy, and so lack the confidence to do any of those things. I would say that nice guys deserve friends more than a few people I know
  • Most people are attracted to outgoing personalites. You may be nice, but if you don't socialize and hold interesting conversations, no one will approach you the way you want.
  • it's kind of sad, but nice people are not appreciated as they should be. often they are taken for granted and their respect level gets lowered. once their level of respect goes down, they're most often over looked.
  • I feel that the older you are the harder it is to make real friends. If you just don't get out enough or socialize with the people you do see on a daily basis, its basically impossible to make friends.
  • Perhaps they're shy or introverted, maybe they have self-esteem issues, maybe they're just a little too strange by some people's standards to be socially accepted as the nice people they are, maybe they just aren't the type of person who can easily forge the trust required to allow anyone to close enough to them to be their "Friend". And believe it or not, some people are naturally more comfortable by themselves. If, for whatever reasons, someone goes through enough time without having to chance to make friends, they become accustomed to spending their time alone, and eventually neglect or put aside any naturally outgoing personality traits that they may have once had. And people who aren't outgoing, who aren't inclined to conversation and sociability, those types of people just don't make friends very easily.
  • Because they are annoying. It's sad. Usually they can find a group of annoying people and all accept each other though. In fact, I've never seen it not happen. It will work out.
  • Being nice doesn't mean you are out going or fun to be with. Maybe they haven't found people computable to their temperament or maybe they are just very shy.
  • For me my family is plenty...I choose not to have friends except here on AB that is.
  • I do have a theory to offer here... whether you have friends or not depends on if you have made the effort the make friendship happen. I sometimes complain about no one reaching out to me, but i now see that I haven't reached out enough to others either. Don't wait for others. Always be proactive and invite potential friends to do things together..And don't expect much from others, so you don't get disappointed. Just dispense your niceness along the way. I am sure you are not the only one who feels lonely. Don't worry, you have us.
  • It can often be that the person is suffering from social anxiety (I have suffered from it myself). So obviously they will avoid social situations thus making it harder to find friends. But, let me tell you, it is well worth while trying to get to know them, since they are usually the kindest of people.
  • Nice isn't intresting. People don't want nice, they want intresting.
  • I am one of those people...I try to make friends and It just dont work. I'd love to have a best friend..
  • That's what I've always wanted to know myself. I used to be nice, and I had no friends. Ever. That's why I'm not nice anymore. Anyway, I think being nice isn't enough anymore. People need variety...or something like that.
  • You can be very nice to people.....but you first have to BE a friend to HAVE a friend. Many people forget that and just expect people to come their way. Sometimes the footsteps to friendship have to come from you first. And when they come from both people, then it's usually a really great friendship starting.
  • nice doesn't mean you try and make friends. people who have friends have them because they try and maintain their friendships. friendships don't just pop out of nowhere and maintain themselves on nothing. they are work but well worth it if you find the right people.
  • They may not come out of they're shell much and not talk to anyone
  • because people have to be "cool" and ussally the "cool" people are rude. not always but ussally.
  • Because i think you need more than just being nice in life..maybe a sense of humour too.
  • Maybe they don't want any friends. Maybe they are nervous, or they have a secret problem they don't wish anyone to know, lots of reasons.
  • Being nice does not automatically bring friends. If you want friends you must first show yourself to be friendly. Even the worst asshole can have friends. to make friends, one has to reach out to people, being nice is just a mannerism. You can be nice in a grocery store line and let an old lady go ahead of you.
  • thats me. I am really nice but I dont have friends. I'm not sure why. I never really have. I wasn't the girl other girls wanted to hang out with or exchanged numbers with. They always had an excuse to not hang out with me....even today and I'm 25 years old. I prefer hanging out with family anyway.
  • well hard to say.. maybe shy? not sure but the key to having friends is to be a friend to someone first.. do something nice reach out and talk to someone
  • i just have not been able to find another person besides my husband that i really like. i would rather have no friends that just casual acquaintenances that think they are my friends when in reality they are not.
  • People say they like nice people but I think often don't respect them. A lot of times the popular people(especially among the younger crowd)are those who are upbeat, funny and dramatic. Being outgoing doesn't hurt either but like being nice it might get your foot in the door but won't necessarily hold someones interest. It's unfortunate that being nice isn't enough or even sincere. People seem to want to be entertained 24/7 I guess.
  • I have no friends, and am sort of nice, maybe. Really have no desire for that kind of thing, really. Besides, who wants to go to the ball game with the guy who won't drink?
  • They don't get out much... Neighbors are all older or more stand-offish... They don't belong to clubs, frats or sororities... They don't attend any church in the area... They commute to work, so don't meet people from town...
  • some people are very nice, but they don't know how to make friends.
  • Personally speaking, I prefer being without some of the drama friendships entail. Occasionally I'll think I'm missing something until I hear some inane incident being described by someone concerning someone else they consider a friend. I just don't have the patience.
  • I know a girl who's "nice" but she makes a horrible friend.
  • Nice doesn't matter. Being real matters. A nice person who is real has a lot of friends. A nice person who is just nice because they think that's the way to behave will not make a lot of friends because they are not real.
  • I guess because most people might want to be friends with someone who is not such a goodie goodie.
  • Nice is not enough.
  • see we are a special breed .....so nice it kills us
  • Maybe they prefer it that way. I know that sometimes I can be pretty antisocial. That is not to say that I am horrible to people.....it's just that I prefer my own company, always have.
  • Being nice is easy. Putting up with all the drama and effort in maintaining a friendship is hard.
  • Sometimes having friends and spending lots of time with them to maintain those friendships isn't a priority. It's hard to bond with someone as a friend really when you have such a busy life otherwise. Maybe when my kids get older I'll have more time, but now I'm lucky to spend time with them, is my thoughts on the subject. I keep in touch with friends from before I had kids, but we've all been so busy, that life seems to just fly by.
  • I haven't made a lasting friend in 2 years at least
  • Because nice people, make all the rest of us feel amazingly mean!
  • because nobody will listen to them because they have a cute or quiet disposition even though they are the smartest and most interasting person there. They have social interaction problems!! well this is the case for at least me.
  • i dont know clearly but i have somedays at middle school because i always quarrel nearly all of my teachers and all of the classmates not to want to say But at university ,i have so friends . but i dont know why , u know i am now quarrel with my teachers. but i know one things .that is talk to all of them who is u want to be friends
  • It seems like we all have the same issue. Lets all meet for ice cream! Ice cream makes everything better =) I have 1 girl friend that i can kind of count on sometimes, maybe. The bulk of my friends are guys. Its like having 20 brothers all the time (with cute friends)so i dont cry much. But i do miss girl time.
  • The problem is that it is easy to make friends, but hard to find real, true friends that are there for you no matter what.
  • I've never met a nice person who said they were friendless. I've never even met any person who said they were friendless. No family who are friends? No neighbors who are friends? No god who is your friend? No one who smiles when they see you? No one who wishes you happy birthday or happy holiday? A nice person has lots of friends...so I think maybe a nice person who 'has no friends' just might not know a friend when he/she sees one... -btw, if you join the Biggest Loser Challenge group, you have 10 friends within the hour... ~;o}
  • being nice is not enough.you need to be a fun to be with person tooo.
  • Nice doesn't mean likeable. maybe for a person to be "interesting" they have to have a bit of depth - and that means that they are not nice ALL of the time.... ...I like what someone said out being outgoing etc - I agree.
  • There could be many reasons, lots have been discussed here One reason that I'm surprised that no one's mentioned is the possibility that they might have Asperger's syndrome. Asperger's Syndrome is a form of autism that mainly affects social skills. Someone with Asperger's might find making conversation difficult and not be able to tell if someone's joking or that they've offended someone. If someone finds it hard to make friends, then there's a good chance they've got AS and I strongly recommend they get screened for it. Once you know the cause of the problem you can start dealing with it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome Note, this isn't a certainly, they could have other psychological problems but it's a good idea to rule out AS before considering other options.
  • This person may be shy or not asking for friends. People are more into funny outgoing loud people who make you laugh. It is more likely for a bossy,loud person to make friends than a nice, shy person. If you are loud it is easy to make friends, but when you are shy it is other people's jobs to try and be your friend. It is better if you try and make an effort in making friends then people will put you on a higher level o friendship.
  • Other people may misjudge them and think they are someone they aren't. I have just a few close friends but that's all I really need. I don't want alot of fake friends.
  • Nothing is wrong with having friends...but the word "friend" has different meanings to everyone. i agree with most of the answers here "nice" isn't good enough any more.People want you to be rebellious and fit into there mold.If you don't follow them then they drop you as a "friend".Why?because they were never real friends to begin with.Always remember that if you have to change yourself in order to please somebody else it's not worth the trouble.Don't believe the hype.Be happy with yourself first.It's better to have no friends at all then to have those that pretend to be your friends but in the end really aren't.
  • 1. becuase u need more than being nice or maybe 2. becuase of ur popularity status..which shouldn't matter
  • I think I am outgoing and nice, yet, I have a hard time making friends. Before, when I at least felt like I had friends I let them walk all over me. Then, when I started drawing simple boundaries, it became too much for them. That was when I realized I really had no friends they just wanted to take advantage. I think the key is that if we do everything we can without Sacrificing ourselves and our needs, the right friend will eventually come along. I am not saying not to compromise situations, I am just saying it's okay to need certain things, and it is okay to have those needs met. Don't give up on finding friend, I have not found one yet either, but when I do I know it will be a healthy relationship.
  • Many times I felt like I was being too nice to my friends, and when I was they ended up taking advantage of me. So I stopped doing it, and now don't have them as friends. Which I feel terrible about because I really don't have many friends. But it makes you realize the true people in this world. Sometimes I really think that you have to a bitch in this world to get bye. Which is sad...but it is somewhat true. Girls are especially hard to get along with. Many are dramatic, have to be the center of attention, and jealous. Making it very hard to make lasting friendships. I
  • I know for myself that I have moved from town to town for work. And my work keeps me away from home for half the year. As a result I have drifted from others. Friends get married and they don't have time anymore to hang out. Personalities change and old friends are not interesting anymore.
  • Some don't want the risk of being hurt....
  • I am like that . I have alot of acquaintances but no real friends except my boyfriend. However everyone condsiders me to be very nice. I have just found in life that most people are not genuine. Most people define friends as someone they can use to boost their social life. They are not genuinely interested in your welfare. Its just the type of modern society we live in. It focuses on the individual. People nowadays don't really have the time to form meaningful friendships. So most people's friendships are superficial. Alot of people that are nice but have no friends , have no friends because they seek meaningful relationships. I also do have things about my personal life that I don't wish to speak about. Things that when I tell people they are shocked or don't understand and therefore make ignorant hurtful comments. Alot of people go through life assuming that most people they meet have a relatively normal life. Alot of people have very serious problems in their life that are so painful it hurts and makes them introverted. They become introverted because they thing no one will really understand their situation. Also in many social situations alot of so-called friends make hurtful ignorant comments without realising that they might be hurting one of their own friends around them. True friends in life are just hard to find.
  • For me, while i'm friendly, i just tend to keep to myself.
  • Because they are too shy and no one ever takes the time to get to know them. I know from personal experience. In highschool, I was painfully shy, and so I had only a few friendly acquaintances who probably just took pity on me because they saw I was lonely. After highschool, I didn't have a job for over a year, and then when I finally did get a job, I was still really shy and there was hardly anyone there my own age. I finally made one social contact when I get another job and my boss was forced to be alone in the same room with me for 8 hours at a store that had few customers, and he was forced to get to know me and realize I was cool, he even said it once. The shyer you are, the harder it is to make conversation, and conversation is the only way to get to know someone.
  • Because nice people make not so nice ppl feel insecure about themselves. Lots of ppl who want to be popular like nastiness and vulgarity, often pretentious, say they're this and that but often are not...it's the way of life!
  • Because they don't want any commitments. True friendship requires a commitment. He/she may be nice in the conversation course but it doesn't qualify her as friend.
  • Maybe the person is overwhellemed by shyness or they don't want to say the wrong thing. Or people just don't take the time to get to know them.
  • Because it take special qualities to be a friend. Those people don't make efforts to develop these qualities, either because they are unable to, or they just don't care. To be a good friend it's almost a commitment like in a marriage... Some people are not able to be committed.
  • Sometimes you have to be mean and tough to be someones friend also. Nice isn't the only requirement. It makes it easier to meet people, but honesty, integrity, patience and the ability to look someone in the face and tell them the truth, good or bad, is being a friend. And lots of times, that's that can't come off as being nice. Most of my friends aren't nice. They are actually quite brutal LOL
  • They may come across as fake or flaky or someone who tries too hard to fit in with the crowd and doesn't speak up! :P
  • I've been thinking some more about this question and I wonder if it's because people are wary when someone is nice as if they think that the nice person are hiding something and not showing their true selves. Whereas, say, someone who shows their flaws, perhaps a bit of a hot temper, for instance, then people know what they're getting when they relate to the not-so-nice person. I wonder if that could be it *shrugs* I'm still trying to figure it out.
  • because people don't see the good things in people anymore. The people tease and mock insted of being nice espically for people in middle school.
  • Thank you everyone it's nice to know I'm not alone out there. Since I became a mum it's been important to me to ty and make friendships with other mums for myself & my children. Six years down the track & I still haven't progressed very far had a lot of rejections - polite of course everyone seems to be always so very busy but I notice the aren't too busy to hang out with others. I find that people are very clicky & unless you have family members or friends from school usually (which I don't) or know one of these people in the 'exclusive group' then it's impossible to break in. I also notice that people would rather commmunicate with people online that they don't know rather than make friends with real people around them - nothing wrong with online buddies but I find that a lot of people I know would prefer to make friends on facebook than with people around them for some reason is that maybe they can keep their distance? I've tried being a good friend but my ability to help others out with their kids are limited I have no family support myself & my health is not the best it's enough for me to look after my own children at times let alone offer to help with others who have several supportive people in their lives anyway. Although it's sad to see that many of you have the same problem it's also a comfort to me that it's not just me. Thank you everyone so much you've made me feel a little better even though I'm still lonely & sad. Best wishes to everyone, Jaya x
  • PS I forgot to add that what makes it even worse is that I am involved in a spiritual group that is supposed to stand for reaching out & looking after each other hmmmm
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  • TOO ugly, maybe?
  • Niceness and sincerity are not synonymous.
  • cause some people are judgemental
  • They keep to themself. Or they are mean and bad people. Could also be that they don't want friends or have a hard time making them.
  • I don't understand it either I find that people are so wrapped up in their own lives they don't want to make any new friends, as my cousin told me when I confided in her that I was finding it difficult to make friends she said that she had her own group of friends & none of them are interested in making any more! Of course it wasn't until later that I found out that I was not included in that group so much for family! I am at a lodd what to do either I have no family members who want to stay in contact, I belong to a spiritual group who is supposed to be caring, outreach, etc but apart from acquaintance-type interactions I have been unable to develop any friendships where I am invited or have anybody come to visit me or even meet up at a park with the childre in spite of several attempts on my part to do so. I have even confided in some people about my problem but apart from a bit of sympathetic nodding of heads I am told they are just too busy or whatever funny though how they are not busy for other people or those already in the 'click'. On the rare occassion that I have been invited to get together with another mum it never goes any further than my happily accepting & waiting for further plans to eventuate but that's all that happens some even go to the extreme of avoiding me after I accept & try to follow up with definite plans seems to be the equivalent of the superficial & false 'oh we MUST get to gether for coffee sometime'! Hmm it's a comfort to know that I'm not alone in this but it's sad to see that so many others are also suffering Jaya
  • Maybe to protect themselves from future abuse or bad relationships. Dont always know until you speak with that person.
  • heeey. sometimes when ppl r too nice, thier pers tend to think they r "stuckup". in high school im friends with a little bit of every group. but then there is o ther half that hates me for no reason. but i think that being too nice isint a bad thing but can be miss understood. be urself., if ur normally just a nice quite person meet some nice quite ppl. if ur not outgoing and loud why change urself ? !
  • Maybe they are shy?
  • I'm and outgoing person. But when i do outgoing thing people look at me lik i am crazy.
  • because everyone else is an asshole ;)
  • Yes some people have such busy lifestyles that they do not have time to get to know people and meet the same people and form a friendship. Often they build a long list of aquaintances but do not have many friends.
  • I think the main reason is because they keep to themselves, however nice a person is, if he does not open up to other people, they will not be able to connect with him and end up in a very awkward situation.
  • I have no friends hardly, but everybody that knows me says I am the nicest person they have ever met. But I am retired and have no need to go anywhere escept to doctors and stores. My husband works 2 full time jobs, so we do not have much time together as it is. People call on me for help, but they know he works two jobs, so they do not invite us over. We live in Alaska and most people go to work and home and take care of survival from the cold and by that time it is time to sleep and get ready to do it all over the next day. I am lonely, that is for sure.
  • I was wondering about that also, I have read all the responses so I do not copy anybodys, I agreed it is hard to make friends hard to keep friends. I have found out that I am not only one without friends which is very comforting. I has found out that we all have family / friends who used us . Thank you for asking this question, I know I am nice and sweethart but it hurts when you think you have friends but they used and ingored you after you have been there for them. It is hard trust anyone after that kind of a realtonship. The pain of being alone hurts worse than anything else. .
  • Just because this is old. Doesn't mean I ain't answering it. I have 2 friends and both are accidental. Meaning I didn't really want them as friends. They just stuck around, but don't really like me either..lol... I have family, but because of a parent. They don't talk to me much anymore either. Mostly I like talking to my husband. Whom likes talking to me. We've been huddled up in eachother for about 4yrs now. We both have no "real" friends, but love hanging out together. He's kinda girly tho:)
  • Sometimes it's their choice.. Like me..People say i'm nice but i don't wanna make friends because i have this trauma when i was a child.. But of course they're many more factors which would be too long to type
  • Some people are nice but are not fun and outgoing as others like.Most people think that nice people are to sweet and can never have fun and can be used and taking advantage of.So they can never really have a good time with them.Example..You are going down the road and you see your math teachers house and she is mean.And you want to through eggs at her house.But you remember that a very nice easy going person is with you.And you think they will think bad of you and tell if you through the eggs.Some nice people just have to be mean sometimes so they can be the leader.
  • I'm a really nice person as well, and loyal. All though I do have friends, it's just like what CHAD said, you must socialize. I used to be very shy, never went no where.. But then I got out of the house, went to a neighbors house(she had a couple kids close to my age), I began to hang out with them. They took me to some cool places, even helped me learn to drive better. It was great! You just need to get out there, let yourself be known. Let the ones you want to hang with know you are cool. Be yourself! And Have fun!
  • Maybe It's Because Thier too nice... it's good to be nice... But nowadays everyones Really Bitchy... So No-one Cares About Nice People anymore..
  • Everyones Really Bitchy Now, One of ma mates used 2 be really nice... but know shes really bitchy and i'm not her mate no moree >:(
  • because some people cant really let people in, or trust anyone so they cant really have friends if they dont trust anyone. in my opinion, friendship is built on trust. but thats just my in put on it:)
  • well to be perfectly honest, none of those answers IMO are correct. Life is fucking cruel and so are people, no matter who they are everyone has as malicious part in their soul that drives them to do mean things. People believe that being nice is the best way to make new people, this is complete BS. Honestly look at someone who is popular in any age group, the most popular person is always an asshole and everyone knows it. So here it is, stop being nice if you want to make "friends" or start getting respect. Seriously friendship doesnt honestly exist and poeple who think that are idiots, to be respected you need to be brutal and unforgiving. Life wont give you anything and the only thing assured in life is death, so grow a fucking pair and crack some skulls. BE AGGRESSIVE, and people will start being what seems to be your "friends", in actuality they will just respect and fear you more therefore standing at your side, and therefore making you "popular".
  • God Bless all of you who take the time to answer questions for people like us. Honestly, this is such an incredible place, where people take a minute to respond to those who are needing answers. I am one of those who feel rejected by others, even though I am nice. For instance, at my daughter's school, there is this rotten gossipy woman who seems to gather people like moss. She says the most horrible things about others...is very judgemental. Yet people accept invitations to her parties in DROVES...and they talk about her in the most awful way! I can't reconcile it. Why are these people the ones who are seemingly admired by others. ? ? ? thanks again, and to all who re nice.... keep your chin up. You are BEAUTIFUL. :-)
  • I have friends but not close friends. i guess they were jealous of me 4 some reason and they would all lie about me. I'm a nice, kind hearted person that has plenty of friends. Just stay nice and be yourself. but do not have a true friend. everyone says how nice i am but i currently have no true friends. I have some casual friends Maybe they are jealous of you and hate to see the good points in you. They are afraid to be friends with good person like you. Since people have different personalities, you cannot say that he's nice or she's not. I think you also have to be outgoing to math with other's personality. I think people are afraid that if I'm so hard on myself, I'll judge them harshly. I'm very quiet around people and don't keep conversations going. i'm happy with that, i don't mind. I choose to not have many friends because of bad experiences.
  • I have two friends. We talk more or less over the phone and see each other like once every month. I choose to not have many friends because of bad experiences. I had a "friend" which of course was not a real friend who constantly put me down and was just a negative person in my life. Finally we just lost contact with each other and poof she was out of my life. Blessing in disguise. I just can't get over how cruel one human being could be and how nasty someone can treat another person. I wasn't perfect but I did not deserve her abuse. So because of that I keep more to myself and I am picky with how I let into my life. I think that's smart.
  • i guess its because they are shy and people dont really see how awesome they are until they really get to know them but everyone is always in a rush so they just decide not to like the nice people. people judge others wayyy too quicky and nice people may sometimes just be thought of as boring.
  • Well, some people just can't get along. I'm guilty myself of not liking some very nice people, just because we didn't have much in common or I found them annoying. Often times, it's also because they can be shy. Or a false rumor was spread about them, the list can go on forever.
  • I'm a nice person, but very quiet around people and don't keep conversations going, so now i just have acquaintenances, i'm happy with that, i don't mind, lease i have my partner and family :)
  • I appreciate this question very much. I for one am an ongoing example of this - at 53 yrs. old, I have known unpopularity all my life (with no exception), especially with girls/women, despite being an inherently good person. As a Scorpio, NYC-born and bred, 1/2 Sicilian person, I'm told I talk too much, and overall am just "too much" for people. I can turn people off/offend them without necessarily meaning to - heck, I'm probably doing that here!! HOWEVER - I have done SO much for people - especially my daughters, who are now grown - I established brokerage accounts for them when they were babies so they'd have college money and money for other needs - NOW, that money is coming in SOOOO handy - I have helped them with countless things from giving bottles and changing diapers, to teaching them to drive, to helping them with issues involving school/education matters, bank accounts, medical and dental needs, legal matters such as moving violations, etc. - you name it! I am a literal "Mother Theresa," a "silent angel" especially since they prefer to both live at their dad's! I have a decent relationship with the younger one, but not much of any relationship with the older one, despite my having been SOOOO giving. It is extra hard because their dad is a "hands off" type - he lets them do and say whatever they want, and basically, they can "do no wrong" in his eyes no matter how they treat me, which often involves talking down to/belittling me. Luckily - I have a 2nd husband who is also a social misfit, and we are very close. Sorry this isn't really an "answer" - let me just say that I am a perfect example of a nice person with few friends.
  • I'm very nice, intelligent, have a good sense of humor, and I can find something intersting in just about anyone. Nevertheless, I turn people off because I'm extremeley self critical and cynical. I think people are afraid that if I'm so hard on myself, I'll judge them harshly too (even though that's false). My cynicism pushes people away because I seem so mistrustful (I'm afraid to get used, rejected, or duped). In addition, I just can't seem to keep things light. I have to get deep and philosophical and examine, and analyze everything. Until I can really figure out how to live for the moment and enjoy myself, people will not want to hang around me. Sad thing is being a loner makes you more cynical, so it's a vicious cycle.
  • Since people have different personalities, you cannot say that he's nice or she's not. I think you also have to be outgoing to math with other's personality.

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