Archaic.

I disagree. She need not be his servant or slave. BUT it is within his rights to expect her to work, unless she is mentally or physically incapable.

It means the husdand is controlled by his wife,that is he is hen pecked.

I don't think that's unreasonable to expect. I just want to say that if that isn't happening then are you sure you are treating her with love and respect? You'll get more flies with honey after all.

This is a fair statement ONLY if man and wife discussed this before marriage and agreed. For the man to ASSUME this idea is as bad as a women who assumes that "her man will be the provider"

I think its reasonable, he's her husband not her father she is his wife & should return the consideration if he's providing for her to stay home & have an easy life & get paid well, then the least she can do is try to make his house a welcoming home.

Marriage is a partnership of sorts. Neither person should do all the work while the other does all the resting. Each should share in the responsibilities as well as the joys of being married.

This is one of the cultural expectations that needs to be addressed in pre-marital counseling. Everything is negotiable. And fair if agreed upon by both parties. No fixed rules, here!

I don't know about "within his rights to expect". I would say it is definitely reasonable for him to ask that this happens. It is a sharing of the workload after all - he puts in 8 hours a day ensuring there's food, accommodation, clothing and luxuries. She supports those endeavours by keeping their home in order and preparing the food. It changes, of course, when she gets a job herself! If the question were reversed, I'm quite sure there'd be unanimous agreement from the females here that the hubby should be damn well doin' the housework if the wife's out earning the money...

I think it's more then with in his rights to expect her to put as much into the marriage as he does. Why should he do all the work while she just sits there and reaps the rewards? And to say she is a slave if she does is so wrong. They should both be working to ensure that they can have the fullest life possible. And if she does nothing, but take his money and have sex with him that makes her a prostaitute, not a wife. And a very lazy ungreatfull wife to boot. My fiancee's first wife was just like this. She sat at home while he worked and then expected him to see to her ever whim. Including the house work. Once she even demanded he take her window shopping after he just completed an 80 mile hike in the Marine Corps. He'd been walking for three days carring an 80 pound pack and a 20 pound gun. Not once did she offered to get a job in a year and half. Said the lauguage bairrer was too great. (She was a German citizen, but was fluent in English since she was 7.)Then, she demanded they move back to Germany afer he was discharged. He agreed so long as she went first, got a job, apartment, and a car. After three months nothing. He torn up his plane ticket and was gald to get the divorce papers. My marriage was like that too. He did work and I stayed home with our son, but then he expected me to not only do all the cooking and cleaning, but also all the child care and errands while cleaning up after him. I had no time to myself while he did what ever he wanted. All he did was complain that everything wasn't perfect and how much money I spent even though I didn't have access to it. And don't even get me started on his refusal to help with child care. In the end I had to leave him. Now in Jay amd my relationship it was diffrent. We both worked, but he paid all the bills so I felt it should be my job to do the majority of the cooking, cleaning and child care. But even then he helped out by doing all the maitenice work and he loved to be a parent to our sons. Not babysit, parent. And we always ran the errands together. And it made our relationship so much better.

It seems somewhat reasonable. It's not written in stone because we usually write on paper...

No doubt, but don't be mean about it or you'll look like a slave driver. ;) IT'S ALSO important to note the same is true for a stay at home houseband!

In a marriage there are no "rights" for either spouse. If the woman decides to stay home and husband agrees then they should discuss their roles it is easy as that. If she were working full time, would he be expected to do the same?

Sure he does......as long as it's the maid that he expects to do it and not his wife.

managing a nest for a childless couple is not difficult or demeaning. it's actually the sweeter end of that deal.. because it takes about three hours per day on average to keep a home clean and maintained and make sure that food preparations are made when it's just two people (the responsibilities and time increase significantly when children are introduced into the picture), so the non-working partner has much much more free time than the one who is the fiscal supporter. running homes and families takes both fiscal provision and astute home management skills. domestic aptitude is not demeaning, and it's something that must be done. i know it's fun for those women who shun traditional gender roles to subject their husbands to doing more than thier fair share around the house(providing funds should be considered a household task, becuase it's required to make a home run well), but i abhor that kind of domineering attitude. marriages are partnerships, and each should do their part to make a home and family run well.

I don't think he has rights to expect anything she has not agreed to do. Did she agree to such an arrangement? Then she should adhere to it. If she didn't agree to such an arrangment, he is going on his assumptions and plans that do not have her input. He has no right to expect her to do what she has not agreed to do.

I think that would be a true statement. Why do you have to arrange it before hand? If she isnt working then she needs to take care of the house and all that it implies, and the same goes for the man, if she is working and he isnt, then take care of the house. And in my opinion, if they love each other, this is not a problem. They will do whatever they have to do to make the other comforable and happy.

Whether to expect or not, in this situation if i were the wife. No agreement needed. Husband deserves to get home everything is in order and clean. Serves his meal, prepare his clothes.. etc..after such a long and tiring day at work. What would you do the whole day anyway? shopping? watching tv? talk to neighbors, sleep? I really think it's fair. Husband shares his duty by working to provide for the family. And as a wife you share your duty by making your house called a "HOME" Who would want to go home and everything is a mess anyway? Aren't we called it "Home sweet Home"?

if she has offered those things to him, sure. but if he expects those things as if they are her job, he owes her a salary.

You are not making any allowances for circumstance. Just because a person does not go "to work" does not mean that their day cannot be filled with all sorts of meaningful activities that might prevent the wife from the household chores. It is good to share all responsibilities, if the man shares in earning a living and the wife shares in their giving to the community or whatever then they might have to share in the household chores at the end of their busy day1 Just another angle to the discussion.

If she doesn't work outside the home what does she do?Alot of women would love to stay home and be a homemaker. I do have to agree that this is something you both need to agree on. Maybe you could sit down and talk, not argue,just discuss. She can't read your mind, you need to talk. Be honest with each other.

Maybe you could try beating on your hairy chest when you come home to a messy house. Or yell HEY Wilma I'mmmmm mmmmmmHOME! Yes I'm talking stone age! You did'nt buy her at a flea market did you? She doesn't work for you. If when you decided to marry her you were under the impression that its just understood ME MAN YOU WOMEN, you better check that rock, you didn't climb out from under it, it fell on you.

Yes, it is reasonable of him to expect that. It's not anything to do with rights, just manners and common decency. He should do the same if the roles are reversed.

In the contract that they both signed, does it state she will be cleaning the home and preparing hot meals in return for her share of the salary or can she choose to wash the family station wagon and mow the lawn instead? ;)

I believe so. My belief is that EVERY able-bodied adult should work. That means either get a paying job OR devote a few hours a day to household tasks. NO SLACKING!!! My wife agrees and is in fact looking forward to the day when I can support a household (which requires over $38K/year if you live on beans and rice) so that she can become a housewife. Despite the stigma, she regards housewife as a legitimate occupation. It IS a time-consuming endeavor that requires a bit of skill to pull off.

I think that is absolutly correct. There is the give and take in a marrage, and if she is going to stay home and there are no one to look after, it's only fair she should take care of most of the household duties.

I say absolutely! I had 3 children at home and stayed home while my husband worked his ass off to support his family whether he expected it or not he got it when he came home it was clean and organized to be expected within reason because of the kids, laundry, dishes, vacuming etc. was done and dinner ready by 6:00 p.m. Would I do again yep! Now he is still working his ass off and still comes home to a clean home and a hot meal and kids are now in school and I work as well.

I say absolutely! I had 3 children at home and stayed home while my husband worked his ass off to support his family whether he expected it or not he got it when he came home it was clean and organized to be expected within reason because of the kids, laundry, dishes, vacuming etc. was done and dinner ready by 6:00 p.m. Would I do again yep! Now he is still working his ass off and still comes home to a clean home and a hot meal and kids are now in school and I work as well.

If the woman has no job and no children as stated in the question, this should be the case unless agreed upon otherwise.

I am not so sure about with in his Rights, But I would think that if he worked full time and she stayed home with no kids, Seems to me she would want too. However........... If he made it perfectly clear That I'd better do it, Then it would be a different story, I think there is Lack of Love and or or Respect in the Marriage.

of course he is. If she is at home all day with no children to look after, her job is to ensure that her house is clean and that her husband comes home to a meal after work (doesn't have to be a 'hot meal' but a meal non the less).

I think so, yes. I wasn't working for awhile and it was a pleasure to have things in order and a creative dinner prepared. I appreciated not having to work! I dont think there is anything wrong for a partner to expect that either. I mean its a PARTNERSHIP right? Both should contribute to the well being of the other..people are tired after a long day of work!

This is my opinion. If they discussed this arrangement before marriage, then yes if he works 8 hours a day while the wife stays at home and sits on her ass then he should come home to a clean house and a hot meal waiting for him when he comes home

I don't think he is asking too much. How dirty can a place be from only two people and you can throw a bunch of meat and veggies in a crockpot and have a hot meal without even tending a stove.

if either the man or woman is a stay at home body then they should look after the house and the meals ...its called pulling your weight and its the right thing to do

Talk things over. I hope you can work things out!

I agree with it but when we move in were both working full time so we have to come to agreements.

I don;t think its a right, I think its a nice thing. A man shouldn't expect his wife to clean constantly and cook constantly. i mean if the house is a pig sty and you have take out every night thats one thing, but if the house is usually well kept and every so often she cooks you a nice dinner, you should be greatful.

depends.....if the woman was working and the man stayed home do you think the house would be clean and dinner be ready for her? why not think of this in the other point of view. half the people never do. Or do you think it doesnt work that way!

I think that it's her responsibility, yes. Not in a "if it's not done you're getting beaten!" way, but I think he's well within his rights to expect that. What else is she doing all day? I'm all for womens rights, but there's a fine line between being free and equal, and being a lazy hoe! ^_^

Actually, yes I do think the house should be clean and dinner prepared. The wife should be a contributing member of the partnership....

I hope so, If I bust my ass to make the money to feed us and pay for the house, the least she can do is keep the place nice and cook the food. Isn't that fair? Isn't there some sort of contribution expected ?

I agree. If the woman has no outside job, cleaning and cooking IS her job. What the heck else is she doing if she's not doing that?

Not for nothin'. I think that's fair bro. I'll pitch in w/ housework once in a while too. I know how to do laundry. I make the money and my s/o takes care of the home. I like it like that. So does she.

I wouldn't say that it is "within his rights" but it does seem reasonable to me. I think that you have to be sympathetic that the person at home can have bad days too and might not always have things perfect when you get home. You should also agree on the arrangements and on how each person will contribute to the relationship, home and finances. If times get tight with money she may need to work for awhile, if her life gets difficult at home it means that you will need to pick up the slack with cooking and cleaning. One of my closest friends said something to me years ago that really stuck with me: Sometimes one person in the relationship may putting in 70% of the effort and the other only 30%. At other times the roles are reversed. It may never be exactly even, but in the end it averages out as long as both people care enough to make the relationship work.

Expectations yes........but regardless of who earns the income no one can demand these kinds of domestic duties from his wife or husband. If they do, then they need to hire a maid. Busting ass at work? you mean you bust your ass sitting behind a desk? Seems to me the one at home has the short end of the stick.

I agree but don't tell your wife I said that.

"His home", huh? Assuming they share ownership of the home, your phrasing notwithstanding, they are equally responsible for the cleanliness of the home. As far as maintenance of a person, such as cooking their meals, doing their laundry, ironing their shirts, etc, every person is responsible for their own maintenance. You may have *outsourced* this work to your spouse, but it is still work and it is still ultimately up to you. Some people find that when working a high-paying, high stress job with many hours they are unable to keep up maintenance on themselves or on the house, and another person might agree to take on some of that work either in lieu of a career or their own, or ALL TOO OFTEN in ADDITION to their own career. However, there is no requirement in a marriage that a party is entitled to have someone else clean up their messes and feed them. (it's just this perception, though, that keeps me from wanting to get married - I'll live in sin, thankyouverymuch.) Curious though, what do you think of this statement? If a woman works a full-time job to support her husband and herself, no kids, and her husband doesn't work at all, she's within her rights to expect her home to be clean and a hot meal to be prepared when she gets home. Because, while I'm sure you'll say it's just the same, it never seems to work out this way. In fact, usually when someone is posing this sort of "within their rights" question, it isn't that the spouse in question is sitting at home twiddling her thumbs - she's just failing to serve him personally in the way he is accustomed. Like, for example, she's going to school, and he claims that him paying the rent is somehow equivalent to her cleaning up after him, even though her schoolwork keeps her equally busy. If you want to agree to pay expenses equally, fine; if you want to divide up your responsibilities in a comfortable way that takes into account available time and strengths, fine. But the only thing that *entitles* you to a maid is paying her to be one, or hiring someone else.

Marriage is 50/50. My husband and I no matter if I stayed home taking care of the kids all day would come home and cook dinner,not because he had to but because he wanted to. We share the laundry as well as cleaning house. We have raised four wonderful kids now in their twenties, and i now team with my husband trucking.Taking care of children is a fulltime job and you need to show her a little respect when it comes to parenting. Buy her flowers or buy a card and put it on her pillow at night or call her during the day to tell her you love her,it makes all the difference in the world what you come home to after a hard day.

I feel your pain, same problem here. I have a wife and 2 kids.She never cooks, cleans, does any of my laundry,I sleep on the floor 5 months now, no sex, and to top it off she quit her job, buried me in bills,went back to college for a 4th degree,filed separation maint. against me to try and get a free ride and kids. I won the case but we still live together and I want her out so I can have a life.The kids want to stay with me so I said dont let the door hit U in the ass. She is still here using me. Let me know when your life gets this bad. Dont let it bud, we are at rock bottom, no place but up for me. gotta lay down the law or move on.Im trying to move on now.

I've rewritten this answer at least three times now, however I'm going to do my best to keep it short and sweet. It is completely reasonable. For some reason this issue has become basically divided by gender, if this was a man at home and a women working, it wouldn't even be a question. It would be "keep the house or end the relationship". This is most likely because of the popular stigma out today that "being a housewife is bad". Anyway, to make it simple, both people should be contributing to the relationship. If the wife expects her husband to pay the bills, provide for expenses, and work to do it, than she should be contributing also. Either in a way that allows her to contribute via money, or in some other way to contribute to the home. It's that simple. Just as it would be if genders were reversed.

100% yes. I work from 8-5 but my job is easy. My boyfriend works from 8-5 but he has a hard day at work, makes more money than me and some nights during the week he goes to school to get a degree to one day take care of his family... I have no probably cooking and cleaning for him. Of course it might not be ready when he gets home because we get home at the same time.

True statement. I would expect the home to be clean, but we'd eat out some too.

In my first marriage of 10 years, I took care of the children, cleaned the house, cooked, mowed the grass, handled the garbage, took care of laundry, ironing, etc. I also picked up an occasional job from time to time to get us out of debt. My ex went to work (sales) and came home to plunk his rear on the couch to watch TV. Nothing more. He ate his dinner and returned to the TV while I washed the dishes, gave the children their baths and put them to bed. Notice I said "EX". In my current marriage--10 years and counting, my husband and I BOTH do what needs to be done. The children are grown. We are both employed full-time. I'm not afraid to help him with outside chores, and he's man enough to pick up a dishtowel. I believe both spouses should care enough for the other and make sure they are making a fair contribution to the relationship. If one of them has an important concern, the other should at least consider accommodating their wishes--or be ready to explain why he/she cannot. Marriage isn't a 50/50 proposition; each spouse should give 100% of their best capabilities. Of course, these vary. One thing for sure: Agreements are far better than expectations.

i would say that was fair she has no children to take care of and the man is paying the bills and working. its a partnership and she isnt doing her part. if she was working too then the housework should be shared.

Yes, I think that is a fair trade off.

I think that's fair.

Although I disagree with the way the statement was worded, I do agree that a successful marriage requires each partner to do their part, whatever that may be. I've always been a career woman, but when I moved to Belgium and married my husband I knew it would be awhile before I was able to jump into a new career here (language barrier and such). So we AGREED TOGETHER that I could take as much time as needed before finding a job and as many classes as needed, and he would be the one bringing home the paycheck. We share all the housework, but I do most of it since I have more time away from class and at home than he does. And if something needs to be done and I can't get to it, he does it. It's a flexible situation and in the right marriage, demands such as the statement in the question would never come up.

I don't know, it's none of my business how people sort these things out.

I agree with the expect a clean house part - that can be done in an hour a day if you keep up with it. The hot meal part, it depends on 1)can she cook? 2)does she like cooking? 3) how much is take-out :) 4) what other activities is she involved in? A lot of women who stay at home with or without kids do a lot of extra work in the community, so while they may not be providing a paycheck, but they are busy with other activities.

That's the least she could do. BUT-- You need to request something from your s/o- NO DEMANDS. Demands just make it seem like you're trying to control her.. and she'll probably get defensive.

i would make sure i did it to show i value him, just as long as he doesnt expect it

I would think it would still be a cooperative effort. It would be very nice of her to do all of that. But I could see the woman expecting the guy to clean up or cook every once in awhile. You both live there. You should both take care of it.

Sure cooking and cleaning should be something she should do while shes at home. but, Just dont say its a womans job because then you crossed the line.

i don't think he has the "Right" to expect anything.saying that though it would be a nice gesture if occasionally the woman did do something nice for the man when he comes home,if that is what he wants.

I don't think I would have the right to expect anything. Having the right kind of implies ownership to me. My marriage would be an equal opportunity marriage. If she trashes my clean house while I'm at work and doesn't do anything worth justifying the house being trashed, than the situation wouldn't be that this is the girl I married it would be that I rushed into a relationship and am about to break up with a loser. How many people got the teammate for the homework project that made excuses and ended up making you do all the work? I would think that in a partnership as serious as marriage dual contributions would be that much more important.

I think that it should be expected if'in you talked about it and she understood that is what you expected. Otherwise... NO!

I think it should be that way yes. I have met many worthless women in my time and they didn't last long in any relationship.

I totally agree. What on earth else has she got to do all day? The question that springs to my mind is WHY is she not working?

Yes, I think she should do that for him. She shouldn't have to be asked really. What is marriage for but to help the other make it through this life?

So what if its the other way round. I work 40 hours a week and my husband doesn't work, we have no children. My house is never cleaned and every night I have to cook dinner. I also have to make up a lunch fo rme to take to work and a lunch for him to heat up. So back to your question: NO i don't think he should EXPECT anything. I think that if he comes home and dinner is cooked it should be a PLUS not EXPECTED. And that goes for the house being cleaned as well.

Marriage is a partnership. BOTH should take care of it, unless they have come to an agreement beforehand. No, I don't think the stay-home partner has any OBLIGATION, but it is a good way for him/her to support the team.

Yea, ur right. If she loves you than she will.

NO THIS NOT A GOOD QUESTION....I DO HAVE KIDS WITH MY HUSBAND, HE WORKS, AT HOME MOM, AND CLEAN....BUT NO DUE TO THE FACT THAT IF THE MAN CLEANS AFTER HIMSELF AND THE WOMAN DOES THE SAME, THEN THE WOMAN DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING MUCH....THAT'S THEIR WIFE NOT THEIR MOMMY!

Yes, "he's within his rights to expect his home to be clean and a hot meal being prepared when he gets home". As long as he is able to afford the maid and cook, I don't see why not. You did say that: "his wife does not work at all". (Cooking and cleaning are work.)

I can't speak for anyone else but DEFINITELY! If he's working all day and we're making enough so that I can stay home and be on AB all day then absolutely. The house will be clean and he can surely expect a meal and more. ;)

Expectations are bad for realtionships. On the other hand I wouldn't want to have to come home and clean after a long days work-knowing there was somebaody else there with more energy to do it. Plus, how much of a mess can you make while you are at work? I wouldn't say it is a "right". I think the statement is rude, but so is not showing any appreciation for being taken care of financially.

It sounds like your belief system in this matter is causing you to have marital problems. Why don't you adjust this belief to have peace in your marriage. Asking/telling another person to change will NEVER work - even when it feels completely logical to you.

I think the words "within his rights" are too strong. Assuming that this is not an assumption but rather a mutual and discussed understanding that within normal limits it sounds like the wife's "job" as a homemaker is just that. Perhaps "expect" is a strong word too, I think generally speaking for the most part but not necessarily all of the time a meal is there to be had even if it isn't hot and sitting on the table. The most important thing is to make sure that if it is the norm that a meal be ready and waiting (or not the norm) that either way, it is communicated before someone expects the meal to be there and is upset because it is not. Just be normal, no one is your servant, even if they don't have a "job".

Every couple must decide this for themselves.

I don't feel that is an obligation, but I think it is a considerate thing to do. But even when I work I still come home and do it, but mostly because the poor thing kinda sucks at it. lol

I think it's something that needs to be discussed. If she has always been waited hand and foot all her life then maybe you need to discuss about having her do it a little bit at a time... until she gets used to it. Either way you both need to discuss this.

I think yes and no. Depends on what he desires to make him feel loved, and what she can do to make him feel love. Yes he does work hard to provide for the two of them, but he's chooseing to allow her to stay home. He still has obligations to maintain the relationship and houshold, it's not solely up to her, even though that's her full time job.

I think that sounds reasonable. I'm imagining a lazy wife who complains about "gender roles" would be the kind to refuse this. The rights and expectations part of your question though remind me of parenting, not a partnership.

I think the statement is a bit insensitive to circumstances that can arise, including heath issues and other things. It would be ideal if this always happened, but life isn't perfect. I know for many years I had severe physical problems and it was not possible for me to do much. My poor husband had to help or do many things around the home and take me to the therapy. He did this for 6 years. And we still had a ranch to take care of. Sometimes you have to set your priorities in a different order. But I would agree that it would be ideal if whoever is at home, do much of the work in the home, but not all as they both live there and both are responsible for not adding to teh problems.

Um, no. Unless he discussed this issue with her before marriage and she agreed. Marriage is a bond to love and keep each other. Nothing in there about housekeeping or division of labor. Many marriages work fine as described above...but today, I think expectations like that can be a real issue.

Expectations can only exist if both parties agree upon them. I don't how the two of you came to your current arragement but I think it would be a mistake to assume that she has bought into your expectations of her. Marriage is like a business so if she has chosen to contribute in a way other than financially then that is fine but how she contributes needs to be agreed upon. Another point to consider is how happy she is with the current arrangement. Often times people who are depressed about how their life is going find it difficult to be motivated to fufull their obligations in a relationship. I would check in with her to see if she has dreams or goals that she feels like she is not pursuing and if you can help her get back on track.

it shouldnt be an expectation. it would be part of their family agreement. certainly not an expectation.

Absolutely YES. What else could she possably be doing all day..I'd be bored stiff.. so, that's her job.

I'm a stay at home mother.. My husband works from home, he pays the bills, I clean, cook, and take care of the children. Not expected, but it's what I do.

Hell yeah. I think its kinda like the hitch-hiker's addage "ass, gas, or grass, nobody rides for free" If she doesn't cook or clean there better be something else that she does do and OFTEN.

why wouldnt she? i wish i was so blessed. i have the opposite situation.

I think she should. What is he supposed to work, while she sits on her ass all day? It is not fair for him to be expected to work, cook, and clean. If she wants him to split the housework, she can split the bills, and get a job too.

Unless there’s some bigger issue here (e.g. depression, caring for an ill family member, etc.), that sounds pretty reasonable to me. Marriage is a team effort, and when one spouse stays at home, that spouse should generally be doing *something* to contribute to the family’s well-being.

I totally believe that if a man works and his wife is at home all day the house should be clean and dinner done when he gets home. What else does she have to do?

My man works i work and i have a child and my husband always comes home to a meal being cooked and my house is always clean

that expectation and a buck might buy you a cup of coffee at a cheesy diner. i'm not aware of any written right that one has to expect something like that from a partner. i assume that, back in the day, when the two first met, the man had an inkling that the woman was not a housewife. did they ever talk about her absence of desire to keep a clean house or his expectations that she do so? while i agree with you, that she ought to do some things, i see something else, and i might be really wrong here, where she might be feeling like there are a lot of expectations, demands placed on her and she doesn't feel the respect needed for a good relationship to survive in the long run. please, be sure that you show her these things. is she worth more, personally, to you than washed dishes or dinner or dusting? if she is, go into a conversation with her with the attitude that you are willing to negotiate a lot. if she is no longer important to you and doesn't make you happy, then the question about cleaning ought to be superseded by questions about how do i move on?

shit if i was a man that worked full time, i would expect my wife to do her part if she's not working. cleaning and cooking is not a big job for me so i wouldn't complain.

Only if that is what they have agreed upon. You state she does not work at all but is she handycaped or paralized? - that could be a possibility

he is within his rights to expect anything he wants. whether the wife will have an issue with it is a totally different question and depends on the person