RFlagg - what do you mean you lost her?

i will answer u if u promise not to kill ur self. ok it seems that u depended on someone ur whole life. i think u need to learn to stand on ur own 2 feet.

You lost yourself? Honestly, the only person that can keep you alive and sane reliably is you. So, what can you do now? Finish school, keep shopping at thrift stores, and continue to figure out who you are. I'm sorry though :( Let us know if we can help okay? Seriously, if you need a shoulder to cry on or a palce to vent, most of us have our e-mails in our profiles and would be glad to help. Don't do anything drastic, there are too many people here who like you and we would be disappointed if you did.

You can grieve the (most likely temporary) loss and when you're feeling better, remember that you are not alone. The thought that you have nowhere to turn is just a negative tape playing in your head. Challenge the validity of the tape. When you do, you'll realize that there are people out here who are more than willing to help. I count myself among them.:)

You can march into the kitchen, grab a handful of chocolate chip cookies, pour yourself a large glass of milk, and enjoy. Life sure has its ups and downs. I can't pretend to understand how you feel, but I can advise you not to augment your pain by obsessing about it. If there's anything anyone on Answerbag can do to help, please, please, please ask. If you need to talk one-on-one, I'm sure that most members would be glad to do so. I certainly would try my hardest to help.

I have read several of your latest and also older replies here, and you are a very bright guy, great sense of humor, and alot to offer the world!. I cannot possibly believe that if you can separate yourself abit, you cannot see that there are other things in your life "keeping you alive" other than this person you feel love for. What kept you alive before you ever met her? Obviously other things, like family, friends, school, hobbies, etc. Hell, if I was in your city I'd be pleased to have you as a friend. Most of my friends just fart and tell crude jokes and watch sports on TV. I could use a guy with class and a good sense of humor and brains to share some time with off and on! If you truly feel that you have nothing other than one person keeping you alive, then as smart as you are, I strongly suggest you check into a hospital, or go to an ER anyhow and talk with the doctors there, and have them do a psychiatric review on you. Because it sounds as if you are clinically depressed. I also read where you say you drink quite abit. Well, I used to also. And I found out all that does is DEPRESS someone who is already depressed even more! I try to drown my sorrows, but they are great swimmers! :) I see you as stuck and in a bad and painful rut "RFlag," and I know you don't know me from Adam (or Eve for that matter) but if you will quit talking with us about it, and reach out in your own real life city to a professional for some objective insight and help, I bet you will see where things are not so "black and white." I have felt like you before 3 times in my life. And when I spoke to someone outside my family or other than the person I was upset with, (or who was really upset with me) I always saw ways around my situation and reasons to keep going. And that was over 30 (OK, I lied. 35) years ago! I may not be happy as a clam, but I am crab free and semi-happy with life now. So please give that a try at least. If you disagree with them, you can always do what you will and nobody can stop you. But I think you will be surprised if you give someone a chance to talk with you about your situation.

Come to terms with it and move on. Its the only way. My best friend passed away and I had no idea what to do couldnt eat couldnt sleep couldnt really function properly for a long time then you see how your life is just kinda falling apart beacause of it and your like what the hell? Come on this is life, it isnt perfect theres nothing you can do to change what happened. You gotta make the best of it now and enjoy life meet new people hang out with friends more, make new friends, get new hobbies, take time to do things you enjoy. Of course you may never get over this person totally, I think we all have that one person who we still love and will never forget, but they make you who you are today. A better man. One day youll thank that person for all that they gave you and be grateful for what they did and how they changed you but you wont need them in your life anymore. Good luck..

I'm sorry you're going through this experience and whilst I'm not here to tell you to stop living or to continue living, I'd like to ask a few questions and make a few suggestions. Before this person came into your life what did you do when things got tough? Since this person has come into your life, what do you do when you're not in their company and things get tough? Life can seem meaningless - I do understand that. We all go through ups and downs and that feeling of helplessness, inadequacy, and general crap-ness can be completely debilitating and threaten to take over and rule us and our feelings. You are still breathing - whether it is reluctantly or not. Strange as this sounds, having a pulse is a sign that you are stronger than you think and that you actually are coping better than you thought. I hope you don't take this a a criticism but I would strongly suggest that you seek out a counsellor so that you can talk through the issues you raised here, in more detail. I'd also like to see you seeking out a referral to a grief specialised counsellor. You can do some reading at home about grief - any good bookstore will have text books or self-help books that will provide you with some insights, exercises to work through and help you see things from a different point of view. One thing I can say from personal experience is that you shouldn't go through this experience without some assistance - whether it be via continued support from Answerbag members (but only as a temporary measure as we can only offer limited support and it seems as though you would benefit from a far more intense level of assistance), or from self-help books or from a grief-counsellor. I went through the loss of the closest person to me (it was my best friend and she walked away from a friendship of 13 years and being part of my soul and part of my family to the point where my parents grieved her absence as well) and I had a nervous breakdown and if I'm honest about it, I was at a high risk of self-harm - suicide etc. I nearly lost my marriage over the end of the friendship, I stopped sleeping, I drank more than I should have and I didn't cope. I had a husband who didn't understand as he's not a people person and also as he has no clinical knowledge. He made things worse by his behaviour and almost determined lack of understanding and it just became too much. I wanted to die. I had some really serious fantasies about simply no longer existing and I know that I was prepared to let my life go as though it was worth nothing. No-one should make you feel like that and you shouldn't allow that to happen yourself. You need to start thinking about the good things - the worthwhile things. Here's a tip for you. If you ever get to the point where you want to kill yourself, think about your schedule for tomorrow. If you start mentally counting off the things you have to do as well as people you'll ned to interact with, etc, then, you're not quite at that point just yet. I am a qualified welfare worker and currently working as a Child Protection Practitioner for my state Government in Australia. Whilst putting myself through an Arts qualification, a teaching qualification and a welfare qualification most recently, I worked in Welfare and counselled young persons. That's 10 years of welfare related experience, knowledge, qualifications and my own experiences - in case you wondered what my context was and where I was approaching things from. I hope I've helped in some small way - I'm wiped out from doing training and having had to get up at 5:30am each day jusy to get ready and go to the city for training. Good luck, Meg.

Grieve the loss naturally, and seek counselling for co-dependency. Excessive dependency on another is unhealthy and prevents our growth and development, but it can be resolved through therapy.