How do I tell my 12 year old son that I'm moving my girlfriend in to our home? We are in a long term relationship and he loves her. He is naturally scared, as am I. His mother left. How do I tell him in a way so that he won't feel threatened?
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Anonymous
ANSWERS: 5
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I seriously hope you ASK him how he would feel about it first before actually moving her in. Don't just surprise him with, "Hey son, she's moving in whether you like it or not, so deal with it." He's a man. Approach him like one.
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One thing you need to make clear is that she may leave someday.
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tell him your plans but ask how he feels about this - go from there
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Well, there's: Son, I almost made a mistake and let my girlfriend move in. . or . Son, You remember that nice girl I've been seeing? We're getting married and then she's going to live here with us! . Something along those lines would work. . It would be very good to ask him what he thinks, so that you may honor his opinion with due consideration. The one thing you DON'T do is ask him to *decide*. DON'T lay a adult decision on a 12 year old. .
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Well, it's probably best that you don't "tell" him anything in absolute terms. He is a child but it is his home too and especially if his mother abandoned him, he needs to feel like he's in the loop and that his own security isn't in jeopardy. Not that he has veto power over who you date of course, but you can be sensitive to his own feelings and concerns. Is this a serious relationship where you should really be discussing marriage or is it just shacking up? Are you asking her to be - and for him to consider her - a co parent, or is she just moving in for you? What is he scared of, and what are you scared of? It sounds like everyone gets along well enough, it's just a matter of talking things through and understanding what the expectations are. It sounds like you are already on the right track. :)
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