I started e-mailing an old boyfriend. My husband found out and was very upset. He checks my home e-mail, so I started e-mailing from work. It isn't serious, he’s a good friend, is married and lives across the country. Am I wrong to continue this?

If it pisses your hubby off, YES! You need to please him & let the past be in the past.

The short answer is "yes". It is wrong for you as a married woman to be in communication with any member of the opposite sex, especially an old love interest. The exception would be if your communications are work related and kept on a professional level.

I was stunned to find an email in my wife's inbox from her old boyfriend. I was even more stunned and upset when I found that his was a reply to an email that she had initiated. I demanded that she cease all communications with him out of respect for my feelings but was angrily lamb-basted for the invasion of privacy in reading her email and told on no uncertain terms that she would communicate with anyone whom she chose and that she owed me nothing.

I beg to differ.

If it upsets your spouse, cause hurt, anxiety, worry or anger; if your spouse feels threatened, wrestles with trust issues--whatever--then one needs to demonstrate genuine love and honor toward their spouse by putting the spouse's feelings above their own.

I ended up dropping the matter after a huge argument, but unresolved questions that I might ask are, "is your right and desire to communicate with your old boyfriend more important than my feelings?", "Is that relationship deeper and of more value to you than ours?", and, "Would you have reacted so intensley if you learned I had read an email from someone other than your old boyfriend?"

Anyway, quit sneaking emails to this old flame from work. Give it up based on the knowledge that the man you said you'd "love, honor and cherish till death" is upset. Demonstrate love and honor by putting his feelings above yours.

And ask yourself, "how would I feel if I found out he was sneaking off emails to an old girlfriend?"

Ah, whoa, there!
What are you leaving out?
There has to be more to this.My husband would never care if I emailed a happily married man.Does he have reason to doubt your fidelity?Does he doubt his own fidelity?
Sneaking is not a good idea.I would continue to do it in the house and even let him see them.And no flirting allowed!It seems innocent on paper(computer) but if some one else reads it it may seem real.

Spend this time and energy on your husband and leave this old flame to his wife.

If your husband has to check up on you, you cannot be trusted.

you already know the answer but yes it's wrong

ANY activity that involves deceiving your spouse is wrong. Especially since he has already said he doesn't like it. What on earth are you thinking?

You were wrong not to tell your husband about it when you first started emailing this old boyfriend. He had to find out on his own, which sounds like there are trust issues here anyway. Now you are hiding it from him which makes me think well what else do you hide and is that why he doesn't trust you. Seriously, if you want this relationship to work you better sit down and be honest with each other and set some damn boundaries for this relationship.

Not the first thing you did wrong but is wrong is the fact that you are now emailing behind YOUR husbands back!!! Now there is nothing wrong with keeping in touch with someone as long as he is JUST a friend. What IS VERY wrong and disrespectful is that you don't respect your husbands feelings, if he didnt have a problem then fine, but he DOES, and YOU have to respect that. Your husband should be of more value that you cannot stop talking to an old boyfriend. Sure he is a good friend but you made a commitment to your husband and promised when you got married to be sensitive towards each others feelings and sharing mutual understandment. So if you really want to email this friend rather then doing it behind your husbands back talk to him about it first. Sure there are individual boundaries but if the feelings for this friend are even a little intimate then you have done wrong in the marriage by not forsaking all others, so your husband has a right to be upset.

I agree with "Snake". If you love your husband, and he is uncomfortable knowing you are talking to an old BOYFRIEND, then you should stop.
Besides, what if your old boyfriends WIFE found out, and didn't like it either. You could be messing up HIS relationship!
I would do what my spouse wanted me to do (in this situation). Now, if your husband is trying to cut you off, totally, from ALL your old friends, and maybe even family, THAT's a different story.

The short answer is YES (but you probably knew that already). This is coming from the standpoint of your husband. I just found out my wife has been doing the same thing, for over 2 years. Her communications with this old boyfriend, whom she appararntly had not prior contact with for almost 20 years, are mostly limted to discussions about families - he is married too, and other mundane stuff such as the weather, his work, etc. However, the pattern of communication suggested she very much looked forward to these exchanges and they were sharing some inner thoughts as well.

Upon reading the emails (which I was uncomfortable doing, but felt it necessary) it became apparent to me that she was putting alot of effort into her "relationship" with him as opposed to the relationship with me. Our marriage had deteriorated to the point where we did almost nothing together that wasn't related to the kids. Of course I share the blame for this, but her communications with this man are making me really really upset, especially since she kept it secret from me.

Of course once I found out about it, I explained my feelings, and asked her to stop these communications and work with me to help make our marriage better. She said she had done nothing wrong, and it was her right to communicate with whomever she wanted to. Needless to say this is very disturbing to me, and leads to alot of uncertainty in our relationship.

So if you love your husband, and are committed to your marriage, please stop communicating with this old boyfriend.

my wife did that to me and yes it is wrong... I still can't trust her and made me think of doing the same thing... It sucked, hit me by surprise and I have read some of the communication and I know it went far enough. I won't trust her completely ever again.

If your just friends then there is nothing wrong, but why do it at work? I don't blame your husband for being upset, I would be in his case.

ARE YOU SERIOUS? off course its wrong! your HUSBAND has told you that something u r doing is making him uncomfortable and hurts him. yet you continue, No apologies,but it may be time for you to re-evaluate your charachter and trueintentions with the person you disreguarded your HUSBAND'S feelings for. IS THAT GUY REALLY WORTH HURTING AND DISRESPECTING YOUR HUSBAND?