A blonde goes to the doctor complaining of fatigue and nausea, especially in the mornings. The doctor runs some tests and then comes back in to inform her that she is pregnant. Shocked, the blonde bursts into tears and asks, "Is it mine?"

A blonde, red-head, and brunette are having a friendly meal at a chic restaurant. At a break in the meal they adjourn to powder their respective noses. Imagine how astonished they are when the mirror suddenly speaks to them: "Ladys, if you wish a great a great surprise then tell me a truth about yourself. But beware! If you lie then you will be whisked out of existence!!!!" The Brunette, being the bravest, steps up and says"I think I am the bravest of us friends" Immmediately she is rewarded with a diamond necklace. The red-head, much encouraged, steps up and announces "I think I am the most beautiful of us three" Again, her statement is rewarded - this time with an emerald necklace. Lastly the blonde sidles up to the mirror. "um....I think...." POOF! She disappears in a cloud of smoke.

Two blondes sitting on a park bench in Buffalo New York and one asks which was closest The Moon or Florida and the other replies "DUH, of course the Moon, can you see Florida from here?"

Why did the blonde have square tits? She forgot to take the tissues out of the box!

Drunk guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a blonde girl. After a couple more beers he leans over to her and says" wanna hear a great 'blonde' joke?" She turns red with anger and says "I'm blonde. I'm 6'11" and I work out. The girl next to me is blonde and she's 6'3" and lifts weights. The girl next to her is blonde and she's 6'5", she's also a professional wrestler. Now! do you really want to tell a 'blonde' joke?" "Well no", he replies, "not if I'm going to have to explain it 3 times."

A blonde woman wearing headphones walks into the store and up to the clerk. Woman: Where is the restroom? Clerk: In the back. Woman: What? Clerk: In the back. Woman: What? Clerk: TAKE OFF YOUR HEADPHONES. Woman: I can't they told me if I did I would die. Clerk: YOU WONT DIE. I PROMISE. So the the woman takes off her headphones, turns blue, and keels over dead. The clerk picks up the headphones and he hears. . . . Breathe in Breathe out Breathe in Breathe out

4 blondes walk into a bar. There is only one stool left. They want to make the most of a bad situation so they flip the stool over and all sit down.

Why do blondes have a blue ring around their belly button?

A blonde goes to the doctor and pionts to certain parts of her body and says "when I touch my shoulder it hurts, when i touch my side it hurts, when i touch my wrist it hurts, when i touch my knee it hurts, whats wrong with me" The doctor says "Your finger is broken".

In the Executive Wing of a large office building, a brunette and a blonde are together on an elevator. On one of the floors, a handsome Executive gets on, and immediately strikes up a conversation with both girls. Both of the girls notice that the Exec has a rather bad case of dandruff, but neither girl says anything to the man. After he gets to his floor and departs, the girls immediately begin discussing the Exec, and how tall and handsome he is, and of course, his dandruff problem. Brunette: That poor man ! We should give him Head and Shoulders ! Blonde: Ummmmmm, how do you give a guy shoulders?

how do you keep a blond busy? read the back. how do you keep a blond busy? read the front.

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general... and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."

Well, there's this blonde who walks into a shop and she's sees this pair of shoes, but then she looks at the price tag and it's like ooh my god. So she aks the shop keeper where to kind another pair of these, like crocodile skin shoes. He says go to the swamp and find a crocodile. So off goes Miss Blonde. An hour later, the shop keeper guy drives over to the swamp and sees the woman knee deep in water saying "ooh, this one's not wearing shoes either!" Lame? Maybe..

Stop me if you've heard this one. Blond GUY joke An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! Every day it’s corned beef and cabbage. For fifteen years it’s corned beef and cabbage. Arragh! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! Ai-ai-ai! I’m so sick of burritos. If I get those pinche burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. I’m really tired of this goddamned bologna day after day after day. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too." The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped too. The blond opened his lunch, saw the bologna, and jumped to his death as well. They were union guys, and the union put on a nice funeral for them. At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blond's wife. .......... "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."

And another one.... A brunette joke A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on. The doctor says, " You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I'm really a blonde." "I thought so," he says, "Your finger is broken."

Why do Brunettes tell blond jokes? They are short and easy to remember. Why is a brunette like a blond joke? They are simple.

Blind guy chatting to a girl in a bar. He says: "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" Girl says "Before you do, I must tell you. Only 5 others in the bar. 1 girl wrestler. 1 girl kickboxer. 1 girl ju-jitsu instructor and I myself am the first female SAS officer. We are all blonde. Do you really wish to continue?" "No fear!" says the blind man. "Not if I'm going to have to explain it 5 times!!"

There's a smart blonde who gets a new car. She takes it for a drive. As she's going down the road she sees another blonde rowing a boat in a field. She gets so mad she stops her car, gets out and starts yelling, "It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name. And if I could swim, I's swim out here and kick your ass!"

What do you call 5 blonds standing ear to ear in a row, all facing forward? A wind tunnel.

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats. Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty seat in first class. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her the seat is in economy. The blonde replies, "I'm young and beautiful, and have never had this problem before. I'm going to sit here all the way, until we get to New York." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the Captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again, the blonde replies, in exactly the same way. The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the Co-pilot. The Co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says "Thank you so much, now I understand". She hugs the Co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the economy section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, asked the Co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York."

Why did the blond get fired from the M & M factory? She threw away all the W's!

How does a blond turn on the lights after sex? She opens the car door!

A blonde woman is driving down the highway and a blonde male police officer pulls her over for speeding. The police officer says "identification please" Not having her driver's license on her she opens her purse pulls out her pocket mirror and hands it to the police officer. He opens it and says " Oh sorry, I didn't realize you were an officer too, Have a nice day"

A blonde walks into an electronics store and asks the clerk, "Can I buy this TV?" the clerk says, "No, we don't sell to blondes." So she goes out and dyes her hair brown. She goes back to the store and asks again, "Can I buy this TV?" The clerk, again, says, "No, we don't sell to blondes." She asks, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" and the clerk tells her just to get out. She she goes and dyes her hair red. She goes back to the store and once again asks, "Can I buy this TV?" and the clerk says, "We don't sell to blondes!" So she asks, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" The clerk answers, "Because that isn't a TV, it's a microwave!"

This blonde has just had THE best day of her life. She's so happy that she wants to let the next person she sees know it. She gets on the elevator of her apartment building and pushes her floor number. There is already a man on the elevator, so the blonde decides to show him how happy she is. She turns to the man and says "T-G-I-F." The man just looks at her and says "S-H-I-T." She turns away from the man, not sure what to do. Then she thinks to herself "Well, maybe I just wasn't cheerful enough. Maybe I need to smile more." So, she turns to the man with a little bit bigger smile on her face and says "T-G-I-F." Once again the man looks at her and says "S-H-I-T." The blonde turns away again. She stands there for a second, and then begins to think "Well, maybe I still wasn't cheerful enough. I'll just have to smile even bigger." So, she turns back to the man with a ridiculously huge grin on her face and says "T-G-I-F." Once again, the man only says "S-H-I-T." This time the blonde decides to say something. She says to the man, "Sir, maybe you don't understand. T-G-I-F means Thank Goodness It's Friday." The man looks at her and says, "Maybe you don't understand. S-H-I-T means Sorry Honey, It's Thursday." ________________________________________ One day, a man comes home from work and finds his blonde wife leaning over the kitchen sink and crying. He said, "Honey, what's wrong?" She said between sniffles, "I...I dropped the ice cubes on the floor, and then I rinsed them off in hot water, and now I can't find them."

* why did the blonde climb the glass wall? - to see what was on the other side. * why does it take a blonde longer to fall then a brunet? - they stop an ask for directions.

this is an old one. How do you know when a blonde used a computer? There's white out on the screen.

Two blonds walked into an office building. You'd have thought that one of them would have seen it.

I love blondes but here goes: I don't remember this correctly but 1.A blonde kidnaps another blonde's kid and writes a letter in which she mentions that she needs 1000 $'s or she'll kill the kid. Gives the letter to the kid and sends him to his mom. Mom replies with somethin like "I'm not THAT stupid, U can't kill him now that's he's with me" gives the letter to the kid and sends him to the kidnaper. I know I'm forgetttin somethin here 2. A blind guy walks into a bar and asks asks "would anyone like to listen to a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with "I'm blond and these two people here are blonde too, now u still want to tell that joke?" So the blind man says "No way, I wouldn't want to explain in 3 times"

The doctor walks back into the exam room and tells the blonde she is pregnant. The blonde responds "Oh my god, how did this happen; is it mine?"

A blond chick drives into a Jiffy Lube and the attendant asks "What kind of oil would you like for your car?" She answered, "Oh you know, the brown kind."

A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driving license. The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer." The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror. She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, smiles and then replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

Why is it harder to build a blonde snowman? You have to hollow out the head!

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? So brunettes can understand them.

How do you know if a blonde is confused? She has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pencil.

why did the blonde stare at the juice box for twenty minutes strait? it said concentrate

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747? Not everyone's been inside a 747 :)

Did you hear about the blonde who got a jigsaw puzzle for Christmas? She finished it in 3 months and was Soooo proud coz the words on the box said "from 3 to 6 years".

what did the blonde do when she was going to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport left"? She turned around and went home

WHy did the blonde spend 20 minutes observing a juice box? Because it said concentrate

A blonde was driving her car and hit a buff guy that was riding a truck. The blonde got out to apologize, but the truck driver, furious, drew a white circle on the ground with chalk. He told her not to go out of the circle. He started to smash the blonde's car's windows. The blonde started laughing histerically. The truck driver, even more enraged, grabbed the car's doors and took them out. By now, the car hardly looked like a car. The blonde laughed even harder. The truck driver, completely livid, started jumping on the car, smashing it, making it look like anything BUT a car. The blonde was pounding the ground, tears jerking from her eyes, because she was laughing so hard. The truck driver, seething, asked her why she was laughing. "I have jumped out of the circle 3 times and you have not noticed"

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve. "Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!" Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger. First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Second Blonde: Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

ex girlfriend and I were about to go out and I asked her to let me know if my turn signals were working (she was blonde). I turned on the signal and she stated they're working they're not they're working they're not they're working they're not they're working they're not. a little red head was standing on the side of a busy highway jumping up and down saying 88 88 88 88. a blonde girl walks up shaking her head and said that is really stupid and the red head said yeah looks stupid I know as she continued to yell out 88 88 88 while jumping up and down. The red head said you really should try this because i have never had so much fun in my life. 88 88 88, the blonde girl seen just how much fun the red headed girl was having so stood beside her and started jumping up and down yell out 88 88 88. now both girls are bouncing and yell 88 88 88. the blonde said hey your right this is fun. Just then the red headed side bumped the blonde knocking her unto the street as a big truck ran over the blonde still bouncing starts yell 89 89 89.

why don't blondes eat bananas? a: they can't find the zipper!! what's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? a: humpme dumpme what di the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? a: nothing. they've never met. why doesn't a blonde talk during sex? a: b/c her mother told her never to talk to strangers. what does a blonde say after having multiple orgasms? a: great work team!! how can you tell if a blonde's been in your fridge? a: there's lipstick on the cucumber.

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers all her clothes in a pile and jumps out from the top

Blonde goes to the doctors office and he tells her she is pregnant. The blonde says is it mine?

Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? She likes men. How do you get a one-armed blonde down from a tree? You wave at her.

Three bombshells and a priest are caught in a Cessna losing altitude. The pilot says that as is, the plane can only hold one passenger. The redhead bombshell shouts "For my beloved Ireland!" and proceeds to jump out of the airplane. Following the brave redhead’s lead the brunette bombshell yells "Long live France!" and jumps out of the airplane. The blonde bombshell thinks to herself, hey! they’re not better than me, and as she screams "Hooray! Hooray! U.S. of A! she grabs the priest and throws him out the airplane...

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.” A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Why do blondes wear panties? To keep their ankles warm!

there was a magical mirror in new jersey, if u lied in front of it u would disappear forever. a red head came in and said i think im the prettiest woman alive..*POOF* she disappeared. a chunky woman came in, i think i have the sexiest body ..*POOF* she disappeared. a cute blonde came in she says "I think.." she didnt finish her sentence when..*POOF* she disappeared, LOL HAHAHAA

Why Blondes Shouldn't Ask for Help from Other Blondes There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouts. "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river, then down the river, then shouts back, "You ARE on the other side." The first blonde waves and says, "OH, OKAY . THANKS!" ** Blonde Gangsters Some blonde gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside. The head blond gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too. Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes, just pudding. Disappointed, the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat." The next day, while listening to the news, they hear, "Yesterday the largest sperm bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people." ** The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the wait? An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." (Oh this is GOOD!!)? Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch." ** Blonde Jokes [Most, if not all, of these can be considered Encore Presentations. But I refuse to search for each and note the previous LYAO they occurred in --LYAO Editor] Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? A: They think their picture is being taken. ***** Q: Why do Blondes have 'TGIF' written on their shoes? A: Toes Go In First. ***** Q: What do you call an eternity? A: Four Blondes at a four way stop. ***** Q: What do smart Blondes and UFOs have in common? A: You always hear about them but you never see them. ***** Q: How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye? A: Shine a flashlight in her ear. ***** Q: Why can't Blondes make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe. ***** Q: Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists? A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters. ***** Q: What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of cheerios? A: 'Oh look, daddy ... doughnut seeds.' ***** Q: How does a Blonde change a light bulb? A: She holds the bulb in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her. ***** A blonde goes to the doctor and, as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The doctor answers, "Your finger is broken!" ---------- That's enough for now. ;-)

A blonde was talking to her brunette friend about sex. The brunette was telling the blonde that if she has sex while on the bottom, she'll have a boy if she gets pregnant, and that if she has sex while on the top, she'll have a girl if she gets pregnant. The blonde bursts into tears, and the brunette asks her what's wrong. The blonde cries out, "I'm having puppies!"

What do you do when a dumb blonde throws a grenade at you? - pull the pin and throw it back

a blonde, a brunette, and a red head are in a pet store when it closes. the brunette hides in a bag of dogs, the redhead hides in a bag of cats, and the blonde hides in a bag of potatoes. the police come in to check the place, and they look at the bag of dogs, the brunette goes, "Woof! Woof!" the cops go to the bag of cats, the redhead goes, "Meow! Meow!" the cops go to the bag of potatoes, the blonde goes, "Potatoes! Potatoes!" (yeah i know it's very stupid, but this is the only one i remember and it's from when i was 10.)

A guy comes home from work, walks into his bedroom, and finds a stranger fucking his wife. He says, "What the hell are you two doing?" His wife turns to the stranger and says, "I told you he was stupid."

1) "No offense", but I am not going to give you a joke, just reflect about your question. There are a lot of blonde jokes on the internet and many people like to tell those jokes. You could get a lot of answers to this question. I am giving this answer because I don't want to make it look like everyone appreciates those jokes. Many people don't appreciate this kind of discriminative humor. Your statement that it were not offensive doesn't make it less offensive. 2) How do you find this: "Do you know any dumb nigger jokes? No offense, but I am doing this jokebook to give to a friend that is about this dumb nigger...im not saying that all niggers are dumb. But, do you know any? " And this: "Do you know any dumb Mongoloid jokes? No offense, but I am doing this jokebook to give to a friend that is about this dumb Mongoloid...im not saying that all Mongoloids are dumb. But, do you know any? " Jew, gay, you could go on using many other term, the more insulting the "better", this won't be less offensive (you would also have to replace "dumb" by a stereotype for that group). 3) "the research teaches us to be particularly aware of the stereotypes we have and encounter. Just thinking, “I don’t believe in them anyway” doesn’t do the trick; we have to constantly remind ourselves to counteract them. You don’t believe me? You are convinced you only stereotype others when you want to? Have a look at Hidden Bias and take a test from Project Implicit to explore your hidden biases. You’ll be surprised to find out that you are more prejudiced than you thought!" Source and further information: "Are Blonds Really Dumb?" http://www.in-mind.org/issue-3/are-blonds-really-dumb-2.html Further information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stereotype

Just google this one, Life. I like blonde jokes as much as the next person, and I have blonde friends and relatives that like them, too. But this forum isn't really what I think as the proper place to tell such jokes. It will save a bunch of us from looking like insensitive or callused jerks when we really aren't.

A barman named Slick Once asked this young chick “Do you want anything from the bar?” “Yes, please!” smiled the blonde, “A double entendre.” So he took her outside to his car.

blonde had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started to bounce out of control. She tried to hang on with all of her might, but was thrown off. With her foot caught in the stirrup, she fell headfirst to the ground. Her head continued to bounce on the ground and the horse didn't even stop or slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came out and unplugged the ride

Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? A : Pregnant.

LOL Um how do you know a blonde used a computer last? There is white out all over the screen!

So a blond is at a show where a ventrilaquist is performing and the doll is telling blond jokes. The blond stands up and yells "Hey you asshole! That's a horrible generalization and you should be ashamed of yourself! All blonds aren't dumb!" The ventrilaquist says "Gees, alright, I'm really sorry lady." The blond responds "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little bastard on your lap!"

(disclaimer I personally love Blondes but come on this sh*t is funny...Lol!) What do a blonde and a turtle have in common? Once they are on their backs they are screwed!

I can only think of one, but I can hardly say it is my best or the best one. "Two blondes walk into a drug store. You would think they would have seen it coming".

Most blonde jokes are actually about brunettes with blonde dye jobs ... the bleach burns their brain cells and voila, a dumb blonde ... __________ Bald Rules ... God only made a few perfect heads ... the rest He covered with hair ...

Why do blondes wear panties ?!!!! To keep their ankles warm !!! How does a blonde turn the lights on after sex ? She opens the car door!! Why do blondes prefer cars with tilt steering.. More HEAD room !!!

A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his "tool of the trade". But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his member immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"

a blond gets on an airplane shows her ticket and says first class please-the stewardest says mam your in coach- blond says i just got a divorce, quit my job, and im going to Tahiti first class please- stewardest gets the Captain he says whats the problem blond says I JUST GOT DIVORCED, I QUIT MY JOB, IM GOING TO TAHITI IN FIRST CLASS, The Captain whispers in her ear, she goes to coach and takes her seat, the stewardest asks what did you tell her, first class dosent stop in TAHITI

Q: WHY DOES A BLONDE ONLY CHANGE HER BABIES DIAPER ONCE A MONTH? A: BECAUSE THE BOX SAYS GOOD FOR UP TO 30 POUNDS.

Q: What does a blond say when she wakes up in the morning? A: Are you all on the same football team? or Q: Why did the blond have a sore bellybutton? A: Her boyfriend is a blond too.

What's invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny farts.

What's dumber than a blond? A brunette who dyes her hair blond. There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" "Sure," said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied "382". "Wow!" said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you". "What is it?" queried the woman. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?" A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing. For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit. When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools. Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!" Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!" Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again. "There are no fish under the ice!!" Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?" The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, 'I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards..' The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?' 'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.' 'Oh, OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for Blondie?' -She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!' FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!!!!!

This isn't a joke really,but I wrote this poem years ago on my Poetry site about blondes. Revenge of the Blondes ------------------------------------------- It's time that blondes retaliate To prove that we're not dumb, It's time we tell our side of things So listen everyone... Just because we're blonde It doesn't mean we have more fun, And yes, we know the answer to The question one plus one... Some of us are graduates Of F, U, C and K, And used all of this learning To be what we are today. We've had about enough of this Those stupid jokes you tell, We think that you should all just die And go right straight to hell. If we sound angry or upset It's probly 'cause we are, So don't be shocked or ask us why We burned you're brand new car. All blondes unite and stand your ground We all must have our say, Why pick on us when you could bash Say, someone who is gay? We're all tax-paying citizens Who try hard every day, To overcome this name we have So take heed of what I say. If one more person says a word 'Bout blondes not being smart, If one more insult comes our way We'll stab you in the heart. Well, now I've said it all to you You're probly mad as hell, Well good! cause it's us laughing now Without us - porn won't sell. So you can try to sell brunettes Or redheads, what a joke! We blondes have had enough of you Your profits we will smoke. In ending my opinions here And proving we're not dumb, We know that three's the answer to The question one plus one! SO THERE!

You have come to the right place: A DEAD BMW A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

EXPOSURE A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out," he says. She looks down and says, "OH MY ," I left the baby on the bus again!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

I have a rude one but I doubt I should tell it... Should I?

Why couldn't the blonde go water skiing? Because she couldn't find a lake with a slope on it :) I have more but i think i've caused enough offence with this, though none is intended.

a blonde woman goes into a jewlers and farts when leaning over to look at a diamond ring .She looks round embarrassed and sees the salesman behind her .Totaly professinalhe says good day madamhow may i help you .Hoping he hadnt heard her accident she says how much is this ring .He answers madam if you farted looking at it your going to shit youself when i tell you the price

IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HelOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any" 'But I always buy it here," says the blonde "Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist "YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container .... " TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer." Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common? A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Oh, here's one for you. A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard? A: Grade 4.

Two Blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." The second Blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first Blonde hands her the compact. She looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

A blonde was working away, pushing pieces around, trying to fit the pieces together, and having a terrible, terrible time. Finally she started to cry. Her husband came running. "What's the matter, honey?" She sobbed, "This is the hardest puzzle I ever tried." It's supposed to be a tiger, but I've tried and I've tried, and I just can't get it." Her husband looked at the box and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of frosted flakes."

A Blonde's Year In Review: January- took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February- Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print lables..... Helllloooo!..... bottles won't fit in printer!! March- Got really exited.... finished jigsaw puzzle in six months.... box said 2-4 years! April- Trapped on escalator for hours. Power went out. May- Tries to make Kool-Aid.... wrong instructions... 8 cups of water won't fit in those little packets! June- Tried to go water skiing... couldn't find a lake with a slope. July- Lost breast stroke competition... learned later, The other swimmers cheated, they used their arms! August- Got locked in car in rain storm.... car got swamped because the soft top was open. September- The capitol of California is 'C'... isn't it??? October- Hate M & M's... they are so hard to peel. November- Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days... Instructions said 1 hour per pound and i weigh 108! December- Couldn't call 911. 'Duh" there is no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747? Not everyone's been inside a 747 :)

A Blonde's Year In Review: January- took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February- Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print lables..... Helllloooo!..... bottles won't fit in printer!! March- Got really exited.... finished jigsaw puzzle in six months.... box said 2-4 years! April- Trapped on escalator for hours. Power went out. May- Tries to make Kool-Aid.... wrong instructions... 8 cups of water won't fit in those little packets! June- Tried to go water skiing... couldn't find a lake with a slope. July- Lost breast stroke competition... learned later, The other swimmers cheated, they used their arms! August- Got locked in car in rain storm.... car got swamped because the soft top was open. September- The capitol of California is 'C'... isn't it??? October- Hate M & M's... they are so hard to peel. November- Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days... Instructions said 1 hour per pound and i weigh 108! December- Couldn't call 911. 'Duh" there is no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!

I once had a blonde girlfriend and we were planning a road trip. I wanted her to help me see if all the lights on the car were working properly. when we got to the blinkers I said let me know it they are working. she said it's working it not its working it not its working its not.

Did you hear about the blond who returned a scarf to the store because she said it was too tight?

How do you keep a blonde entertained for hours? Scroll down--->>> Scroll up

paris hilton.