My dad is a recovering alcoholic but still mean, even though sober. My mom started drinking to cope. She is constantly falling-down drunk. I'm an adult now and don't live at home. I offer help but my mom always refuses. Is there anything I can really do?
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Anonymous
ANSWERS: 4
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I have really thought before giving an answer. there are no children at home. your parents are both adults. they apparently are keeping their alcohol with the confines of their home. they are hurting themselves and otherwise and you do not know what to do to help. In this situation, unfortunately, the law is on their side, as far as privacy in ones home. i do not believe your mother would have become an alcoholic, unless she wanted to. she could have divorced your father years ago. both your parents had other choices. What takes place behind closed doors of a private home, is very personal and should stay that way. and, this includes drinking alcohol, which is not illegal. You have a problem. i can offer only two possible solutions. 1. keep close tabs on your parents. if they smoke, this only adds to your problem, because of the fire hazard, when intoxicated. 2. pray for their safety and their self-ability to stop the alcohol. This has been one of the hardest questions to answer, because there really is not an answer. peoples homes are their domain. the constitution gives us this right.
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Good for you Anonymous for for moving farther away and taking control of your own life. Coming from a very similar background, I can assure you that there is nothing you can do. My father eventually died from alcoholism just over a year ago, despite repeated trips to the hospital and the doctors telling him he was going to die. By that point, he'd pretty much lost everything. In fact, the weekend he died I was getting married and he didn't even know. If it will bring you peace, you can talk to your mother about her alcohilism and your father about his meanness (try to do it when your mom is sober). Honestly though, I tried once with my dad and he told me it made him feel better to be abusive. Best wishes - I know it isn't easy!
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Absolutely - counselling helped :) I think some people really do want to change but others can't imagine a different life. To be honest, your parents are both in a negative environment for healing. As long as your father is abusive, your mother will drink. As long as your mother stays with your father, he'll see no reason to change his ways because she puts up with it. Keep positive - it sounds like you're going to do just fine!
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Speaking from experience, I must tell you there is nothing you can do. You can only take care of you. As painful as it is, you can only watch the self desruction and hope that something sometime will make them WANT to get better. You should make it clear that you will not enable, but will only offer help if it involves them getting treatment, going to meetings, support groups, etc. Gathering family for an intervention is possible, but must be taken with great care and thought.
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