My friend, 16, kissed a guy who's 18 and in college, over the summer. They're not bf/gf, but are very close friends. My mom vigorously disapproves of dating and wants me to stop seeing my friend. I'm tied between loyalty to my mom or my friend. Advice?
by 
aydeology
ANSWERS: 11
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Blood is thicker than water, although I see no threat from your friend. Perhaps you should try to explain friendships are not necessarily risky behavior. If she trust you then she should trust with your friend. Explain to her that she has brought you up to be able to exercise responsibility and judgment. That said, I hope you haven't done anything to make your mother question your judgement and ability to assume responsibility, if you have this would be the crunch of your problem. Trust, respect, responsibility and judgment is learned and earned over time.
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More info - I sort of see my mom's point; I don't really approve of what my friend is doing, especially that she hasn't told her own mother about this guy. She's snuck out on dates with him two or three times. My mom and I are committed to not going to get involved in my friend's life, but my mom doesn't want my friend influencing me. As a result, my mom is doubting me, wondering what I might be doing/keeping from her. How do I get out of this situation?
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Deltabrt that is exactly what i wanted to say.. she trusts u but doesn't trust your friend so u have to prove to your mom and show her that he is not a bad guy.. try things like inviting him for dinner and other things so once your mom gains his trust u wont be torn between them. but until then stay loyal to your mom because once u loose your moms trust really hard to get back
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Maybe I should clarify; this person is in fact my BEST friend, and if I listen to my mom, I'm probably going to ruin our friendship. It's pretty difficult to contemplate losing your best friend. But I also know my mom won't let this go. I feel like I need to justify my friend's behavior to my mom - but if what my friend is doing is okay, would it even need any justification?
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i don't think your mom can control who your friends are. as long as you show her that you aren't the same then it'll be fine.
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Parents just dont understand....
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It is important to follow your mother's guidance, and it is equally important that she explain to you why, at least in this case, because it is confusing. Ask her why she is dead set against dating. and why does she not want you to be with your best friend?? Some piece of information is conspicuously absent.
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It's non of your mom's business, what kind of a culture do you come from?
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no offence to your mum but i find that idiotic its not like you are the one going around kissing boys and you should be able to choose who your friends are! do what you think is right i guess
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I think it's time you had a serious discussion with your mom that although you appreciate her concern, you've reached an age where you don't need to share all the same interests as your friends. What your friends eat, drink, wear or whom they associate with and what they do does not define YOU. If you are respectful and typically make good decisions, remind her of this and how part of growing up is experiencing increasing responsibility and making your own decisions, particularly about the company you keep. As for dating, I guess that depends on your thoughts on the subject. Does she want you to wait until you're tossed in with a much older college crowd and forced to rapidly learn how to handle yourself with a more sexually experienced crowd? It would be far better to date while younger and learn some necessary social and interpersonal skills.
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You don't have to lose either. Mom usually knows best, but just because your friend has made this decision, doesn't mean you will. Your mom should trust you enough, and the way she raised you enough to let you pick/keep your own friends and pay the price IF you do something wrong, but you've done nothing wrong here, and she should not make something out of nothing. Good luck.
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