We have been dating for over two years, we are both 23 years old. She graduated last year and is now a part time model. I am in my final year in a university. She broke up with me a month ago to 'find herself'. She won't come out and say it, but she implicitly says that she wants to date other people. She wants to explore and experience new things. When we speak, we gets really frustrated at one minute, and really nice in the next. She told me that I was her other half, that we were meant to be, and that we are soulmates. But she can't be with me at this stage in her life. She said that her heart won't be fully in it if she got back with me. I understand that she cannot change how she feels. But I just love her so much. I was going to propose to her soon. I know that I have to move on and that I have to wait for her to contact me. But I am just hurting right now and I can't seem to concentrate on anything. I just wanted to know if anyone can tell me how situations like this usually end up. I, and everyone who knows the situation, believe that she will return to me one day, but it is not a certainty. Maybe she has shown her true colour, but she is one of those girls who believes everything about love. She has convinced me of it as well. I will write the last thing she wrote to me in the next answer...

the last message she sent me was a few days ago. And it was somewhat like this: "I love you. I am so scared about this unsure path, I just want to run back to your arms, but I will venture forth... because if I don't do it now, I know I will do it later. I have to get it over with. Maybe it is a spontaneous need to be free before settling. Don't know. We are connected. Even if we don't talk for a very long time, when we do, it will be like time never passed. What we have is special. Not many people can have this. I will want to call you, but I will contain myself until I finish this. Please don't expect it to be anytime soon. When you get your cell phone number changed, please message me with your new number. I am proud of you [for letting me go]. My prince. I will miss you so. My heart breaks with my tears. I fall for my heart. I fall for you." I know she is not just playing games with me. This seems very genuine. Perhaps everyone says the same thing, but she loved me so much. Something just 'clicked' one day. I don't know if there is a technical term for this. Nevertheless, I really want her back. I know I should give her time/space, but the idea of her dating other people (and trust me, that's her intention), is really hurtful. Any thoughts on how this will end? How does situations like this usually end up? And how long if/when she will return? Should I remain friends with her, despite that she doesn't really want to have any contact with me since whenever we talk she said that her world falls apart due to the guilt. I have told her to forgive herself, to do this guilt free, and that she was indeed free from me. I am not controlling in the least bit. She saw me as this perfect guy, so I imagine something just triggered something in her. I could really use the help. Thanks.

I know her love for me was genuine and whole. She just fell out of being 'in love' with me. Nothing serious was wrong with the relationship. We have been getting into more fights, but it was over little things and they were relatively trivial. She told me that I didn't do anything wrong, she just needs to 'figure things out'. We spoiled each other in every way possible. I don't mean to sound phallocentric; but she practically worshipped me. And I loved and appreciated her for who she was. She was also always adamant about marriage. She wanted to get married a year ago, whereas I thought that was way to early. Her dream has always been, believe it or not, to be a good wife. But now she doesn't feel ready for marriage. She said that "I am only 23, everyone was right about me, I am not ready for marriage." She did mention that she thought we were in a different place in our lives, but I am graduating in a week and will start my career as well. Besides, I have already reassured her of all her doubts and uncertainties. I have told her about the possible future with us, and my seriousness about marriage her in the near future (at least proposing). She was convinced to come back to me, but on her way back, she changed her mind again due to the pressure I was causing her (at this point I was very nervous and panicky, and wanted her to come back to me asap with all the answers for why this happened and apologies...). I actually heard her scream and yell due to the pressure over the phone (not at me, but at the situation). I admit that I messed up. but I would just like to know what she's going through and what I can do/say to help. Perhaps speed up the process?

(Here's the order for those who want to read it that way - In case someone rates one and it gets messed up) http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/2764338 http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/2764341 http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/2764377 From this, I see a few things: 1) If she truly wants to be a model, she wants to try to do that before she commits to ANYONE. This may be true. If she had stayed with you, her options would have been limited. Models travel a LOT, and it would be unfair to you, and to her, to have a absentee gf/wife. 2) Something has changed her mind about being a wife, because she now wants a career. It may be that she feels she has not experienced everything she wanted to experience before settling down. And, she's right in that "now's the time". When young people get together and marry early, many of them have problems in that they feel they've "missed out" on something. This doesn't happen with everyone, but it does with a good portion. 3) I know you know she wants to date others. This is usually associated with #2 - The person feels they may be missing something, and wants to experience it. She has realized it before she was married, and that's a GOOD thing. I know a couple, married for at least 10 years with two kids, and the wife, who married early, divorced her husband to go to college and experience that as a single woman. She DID stay in the same town, and when health problems occurred, the guy was right there. It sounds to me like this would have been much more devastating to you if she had done this. 4) It sounds like the harder you will try, the more you will push her away. While she loves you a LOT, apparently, she also knows herself well enough to believe that she would regret not giving herself the time to "find herself" as herself, and not as your wife. While you apparently can convince her to come back, when she has time to think about it, she knows or believes that it's not the right thing for her to do. This, of course, if frustrating that she's feeling torn this way. If you keep pushing, it could only make her mad enough to end it for good. If this is not your intent, I suggest you let it be, hard as it will be. One of the hardest things to do is go by the maxim (paraphrsed), "If you love something let it go... If it comes back to you, it will be yours forever... If not, you never had it in the first place." Let her go. If she comes back, she's truely yours. If not, well, then you don't and she has not only fallen but remained out of love with you. It seems obvious, also, that she DOES love you, at least as a friend. Continue pushing and this will change (for the worse, for you). It DOES happen, at times, that circumstances force people apart, and into different pathways in life, when they each marry another then something happens (divorce or death of a spouse), and they find each other again in the future. Perhaps that is your (as a couple's) fate. Perhaps not. She COULD decide after a short while that the grass on THAT side of the fence is nowhere near as green as on your side. But again, if you continue pushing her to come back, it sounds like you will only succeed in driving her away for good. Meanwhile, graduate and start your new job. Throw yourself into it. Date, if you wish (you say she will be)... Don't sit and think about what COULD have been, but think about what actually CAN be. To keep from being disappointed, HOPE for the best. PREPARE for the worst. EXPECT nothing. HOPE she comes back ... and soon. PREPARE yourself in case she doesn't ... as soon as YOU want, or ever. EXPECT nothing. Don't expect either. Even if what you hoped for or prepared for happens, if you were expecting the other, you will have that bit of disappointment that could cause problems later. Good luck. I hope you BOTH get what you want. ;-)

(The answers are in backwards order including my situation) By the way, to others who is or will go through a similar situation, I would wholeheartedly recommend listening to Coldplay. Truth be told, my ex-girlfriend and I never had our song until this happened. One day, I just listened to this song on the radio and something clicked. I thought 'this is it' and told her about it who accepted. The song is Coldplay - Yellow. Believe it or not, it almost feels as if he went through a similar ordeal. AFTER you have calmed down and have passed through the anger stage, I recommend listening to their songs. I have always liked them, but was never a fan. I have now listened carefully to the lyrics of about 15 songs, and ten of them convey how I feel. Perhaps this will help you through your ordeal: Yellow, Talk, A Message, Warning Signs, Trouble, Proof, Whisper, The Scientist, Clocks, and What If. I am sure there are more, but I have only listened to around 15 songs so far out of, I believe, 75 songs. I am going to tell her about these songs to relay how I feel. Maybe you can do the same.

Just let her go and rebuild your life!