When my boyfriend does something wrong he turns the focus around onto something I've done recently and takes the focus of himself. Is this a form of emotional abuse or his way to get power or is this normal?
by 
Anonymous
ANSWERS: 6
Non Contact Infrared Thermometer -- $19.99
While Supplies Last
13deals
.png)
Ad
-
Even if you have done something wrong, there's no reason not to deal with one of you and then the other. I think your guess about taking the focus off of himself is what he's doing. If you feel like you need more information about what's up, tell him you'll talk about you later or another time.
-
Its a control issue. My hsb used to do that. If I ever brought up something he did "wrong", he'd make an issue of everything I did over the past 5 yrs or so. Anything, just to get the heat off himself & make me feel guilty. It took me a very long time to deal with that. It took him longer. If you're committed, its worth it. If not, get out now!
-
There are many people who are like that, men and women both. It's a fact of life. If you choose to stay with him, please don't "take the bait". Stay on topic, even if he doesn't. If you find that this continues and it's not working, it may be time to leave. The good thing about now is that he is only your boyfriend, and not your husband. Therefore, if you ever want to walk out, it is "easier".
-
What ever you want to call it, it is a man that does not want to take responsibility for his actions. This is not someone who is emotionally secure or mature. Therefore, he is not a good candidate for a long-term relationship. A real man accepts responsibility for his mistakes, deal with the consequences, and learns to not make that mistake again. By trying to shift the blame or point at your mistakes, your boyfriend is trying to get out of accepting responsibility. This is the behavior of a child. So, if you want to deal with this behavior for the rest of your life, then by all means stay with him. If you do this, however, please take precautions to see to it that you two never have children because he is just going to teach them to not take responsibility for themselves too.
-
That is just a sign of immaturity. He is trying to take the focus off himself so he doesn't have to talk about his own screw ups, thus taking responsibility for them. If he is under 21 then there is a good chance he just has more growing up to do. Anything more than that he needs to grow up.
-
I've been with my b/f for 18 months and he does the same thing. He's NEVER wrong and it's driving me nuts. If I try to tell him something he did bothered me or upset me, he takes it to an extreme how he can never do anything right or twists it so I'm the one at fault. When I tell him that I'm just trying to discuss things as adults, he tells me I'm being too picky or expecting too much from him and then refuses to talk anymore. Without talking things through, I don't know how else to make things better. It's like he's only happy when everything is going well, but when there's a ripple... forget it... he runs and hides. I love him, but if he can't start taking responsibility for his actions soon... well, I don't know how much more I can take.
Glenn Blaylock RELATED QUESTIONS
Copyright 2023, Wired Ivy, LLC