It's recently been discovered that my father-in-law has been having an affair. I am close to my mother-in-law and very angry at my FIL for doing this to her. My husband is upset with me for being angry at his dad. I am upset with him for not. Advice?
by 
Miss Awesome
ANSWERS: 5
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You have no idea what a good thing it would be for you and your husband for the 2 of you to stay out of it and NOT take sides.
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Yes. Take a giant step back out of your in-laws marriage before it negatively impacts your own. Since neither your husband or you have any power to change things for the in-laws, it sounds like talking to your husband about his lack of upset and what you fear that means about his own vows to you may address the issue better than picking sides in the in-law wars.
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Each of you go to neutral corners and take lots of deep breaths. Does your mother-in-law know about the affair? You said 'it has been discovered' as if it might be common knowledge. If it is, you can help your mother-in-law cope just as if her husband had been physically abusive to her (I consider an affair to be emotional abuse in most cases); you can't distance yourself from a loved family member just because someone else in the family does not share your feelings. As for the 2 of you not feeling the same towards the husband - you don't have to agree. It's amazing how freeing it is to have the attitude of 'agreeing to disagree', not having to convice each other to change opinions. Your husband is entitled to feel upset with you and you are entitled to feel upset with him - the trick is managing not to have your difference of opinion come between you. It can be done. Just keep repeating to yourself (grit your teeth and mutter it under your breath if you have to) 'I disagree but I still love you.'
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You need not to get too emotional with your FIL affair I understand you respect your MIL but is best if you don't say nothing. AS to your husband both of you have different opinions on this issue. Is best not to argue about it.
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I think its great for you to be supportive and comforting to you Mother in law through this. I also think its okay for your husband to still have respect for his father and you should appreciate that about him. However, even though your husband still respects his father, he should still admit that what his father is doing is wrong. It shows little respect for his mom if he doesn't. Maybe your husband is angry at you for something more specific. Like, perhaps he's angry about the way you handled the news. Or maybe he's uncomfortable about your relationship with his mom? Talk with him about it.
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