That's a tough one. You should definitely tell your boyfriend, but be gentle about it. Make sure he knows your mothers feeling do not affect your relationship or the way you feel about him. I think you should also sit your mother down and tell her to give her head a shake. As for the introducing, I would see how both your boyfriend and mother feel about it. If either is uncomfortable with the idea, or you think there will be hostility, hold off for a while.

yeah it s very hard for me just knowing my mother wouldnt like him just because of his color, regardless of konwing what he does or how he treats me... he keeps asking me why she doesnt like black people, and i keep saying she is old fashion but that s not really an answer. and i feel really bad about it. I am with this guy for a little over a year and i am afraid of telling her because of her nonsence. should i keep it from her liek i did untill now? or when is it a good time to let her know about it?

hmm... it all depends on how much this boy means to you. you mentioned you're 23 and dating for a little over a year. when i was your age, i dated a guy for seven years and broke up with him cuz i knew he wasn't the one and never introduced him to my folks as anyone special. if you feel this guy has some potential in your life and worth the fight, then i say you should introduce him to your mom atleast as a good friend. let her get to know him as a person first.

the very same way you just told us. maybe your bf might not be feeling your mother. if you were to get really serious with this person are you going to need everybody acceptance of him? at the end of the day, you need to follow what's in your heart.

Ok... Your boyfriend already KNOWS she doesn't like black people. Have you ever asked your mother WHY she doesn't like them? Have you ever asked what she'd do if you brought one home?... If you ever MARRIED one and had kids? Would she REALLY ignore her grandchildren because of her ... bigotry? (Sorry... that's the word, though.) You're 23, and of the age to make your own decisions. The heart of most people doesn't see color. And love doesn't care what color anyone is. If you are in love, that's it! She should accept YOUR choice, no matter if she likes it or not. Believe me... She may accept him because you love him, but may be secretly hoping that something happens between you two. If it never does, you may never know about that. Here's how I think I know that... I dated a black lady for a little over a year, and whenever we were around my parents or grandmother, I never heard a bad word and they totally accepted her (as far as I could tell). When we broke up, I was told "it was probably for the best". - She DID have five children from 4 to 22 or so! So maybe THAT was what they were talking about.) BTW: My niece's fiance is black. So, if you can sit down with your mother and discuss it with her (why she doesn't...), you might get to the point where you can ask her if she would like to talk to a black person, and ask questions (if your bf is amenable to this.) She may find out that people are people, no matter their color. Worth a shot, huh? ;-)

If you really love him and if he truly loves you than I think you should fight for your love. After all its your life and your mom is not going to be there for you until the end. You have to take the risk and your should be able to face the consequences if anything goes wrong after that. Talk to your mom let her know its better you marry someone whom you love and know rather than marrying some from the same race whom you are not sure is going to make you happy. Love is blind, deaf and dumb. There should not be deifferences. The only differences in a human is the gender.

Tell him only if he plans to date your mother.

my mother wasnt fond of it either when I was a teen and started dating black men. I am 35 now and still do. She realized that all people are the same no matter what color they are. She loves my boyfriend now and sees a man standing in frontof her not a color. Your mom will get over it as long as your happy I bet cha!!

This has been brought up before with my very young children. I would ask your Mom why she has a problem with it, which if it's just because the color of his skin is not a good reason. And unless this is a toxic relationship, why wouldn't your mom be happy that you were happy? I can't stand it when parents try to control their kids feelings. Where is it her right to tell you who you can and cannot love? She is your Mom so there is respect you have for her, but she should also respect the fact that you are a grown, intelligent person with your own mind. She should also respect him if he is a decent person. Down the long road though I would be careful, if she does not change her mind and you do not change yours, what is going to happen when you have kids? would she be nasty to them or tell them hateful things? I don't think we need the older generation corrupting the new generation over something so barbarrick it's ridiculous. Good luck with this one!:)

parents dont know whats best for their children but they want to give the best to their children, I am not sure if that made sense but one way or another if you really are goin to get serious with this guy (or if it is already) you will have to introduce him to your mother. Question is "is he worth the trouble?"

I am a 23 year old caucasian female and my boyfriend is Belizian (woohoo!), and my dad is racist. I was honest with my boyfriend and he was comfortable with my disclosure and still wants to meet him despite my fathers' beliefs. The only person that needs to Love your boyfriend despite his skin color, is you. You're the one in the relationship. If your mother cannot be happy for your happiness because of her own insecurities with color, then it is her problem to deal with, not yours. You are her daughter and she should respect the choices you make as an adult of your own life. If you kow your mother to be truly good at heart, she will not allow it to be an issue and support you no matter what. She will come around.

I dated my first blk guy in the 9th grade. My parents hated it. Some ppl have a really hard time dealing with interracial relationships. My step dad left my mom when I had my first bi racial child. So long ass is all I can say about that. My mom never came around either until her grandson came. Not saying that's the solution but if you really want to be with this guy and you have a good relationship. Then you just put it out there. This is what makes me happy. Deal or don't but this is who I want to be with. It's not easy either way but atleast you can be happy in some part of life.

Tell the truth and introduce them at church and over dinner.Good luck.

I think that ypou parents should accept the person that you decide to be with. As long as he is doing you right and making you happy thats all that should really matter and you should try to make them understand.

If it were me, I would avoid introducing them. If she cannot accept that you have chosen a partner of a different race, and introduction between them may be too painful for everyone.

We must remember that in the beginning God made Adam and Eve.All of us descended from them.There was only one pair of them.There wasn't a black,white hispanic,arabic,samoan,asian,pacific islander,native american,an so on Adam and Eves.Explain to your mother that if she hates any race she is hating what God created.As for you and your boyfriend remember that by being in a mixed relationship you will experience this sometimes.Also not everyone thinks that way so try not to be overly observant.Me and my wife have been married for 8years and Im black and she's jewish.Enjoy each other will keep you in prayer.

At 23 you should be on your own and responsible 100% for yourself. So who your mother likes or does not like simply due to their skin color should be of no concern. Choose a man for his character, not his color. If you are truly a grown woman, you should be making your own choices. Children do what their parents tell them to do. Adults do what they want to do.

I was in the exact situation as you. I fell in love with a black man. We were dating for about 3months before i decided that i should tell my parents about us. They didnt take it well at all and wouldnt accept the fact i wasnt dating a guy from my background, which is polish. So i decided it was best to let my boyfriend know how my parents felt, since you have to be open and honest in a relationship. Eventually, they will come to accept him. It takes a while though.

My boyfriends grandfather (who raised him) has the same problem and I have never met his grandfather. It makes me feel a little sad when I think about but I am glad he told me early in our relationship. The thing that I hate the most is that my boyfriend had to choose and as much as I know that it is not my fault for being black I hate that he went through that pain for me. Only you know if its worth fighting for or not. Sorry but it is the world we live in.

girl let me tell yousomething iam a latina girl and iam dateing an asian guy ... his parents arent really fond of me but that doesnt matter to me you need to let your mom know that your a grown women .. what nationality is he ? If you really love him that should be a big step for you to introduce him to your parents . you also should let him know how your mom feels about him ...

If you see a future in the relationship, then be honest and tell him the truth; I'm sure he won't be surprised. The sooner you introduc them, the sooner your mom will be able to get over it.

Listen to your mother

If he is the guy you intend to spend the rest of your life with, you don't have much choice either way. However, the less you discuss it the better. Words can end up causing problems by themselves.

Momma's never going to like your boyfriends, so it doesn't matter what color he is!! She'll either accept him or lose you.

if your mother doesn't like you being in an interracial relationship then you shouldn't introduce them. it would just be awkward for everyone involved. you should tell your boyfriend because the longer you date the more he'll wonder why he hasn't met your family. if you are really close to your mother then maybe you need to sit down with her and talk about respecting your decisions about your own life. if you're not close with her then you really don't need her blessings. you are grown and can do you.

I AM WHITE AND MY HUSBAND IS HISPANIC. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED 14 YEARS. MY MOM AND DAD ACCEPTED MY RELATIONSHIP AND ARE VERY HAPPY FOR US. MY GRANDMOTHER ON THE OTHER HAND WAS NOT. SHE IS VERY RACIST AND I CHOSE MY HUSBAND OVER HER. SHE TOLD EVERYONE OUR KIDS WOULD BE YELLOW. AND THAT IS FINE, SHE DOESN'T SEE MY KIDS AND I DON'T SPEAK TO HER. IF YOU REALLY LOVE HIM IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT EVERY ONE ELSE THINKS. HE IS THE ONE YOU WILL SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH YOU ARE THE ONE THAT LIES WITH HIM AT NIGHT. NOT YOUR MOTHER. SO BE STRAIGHT AND TELL HER THIS IS HOW IT IS GOING TO BE. SHE'LL DO RIGHT CAUSE YOU KNOW SHE WILL WANT TO BE IN HER GRANDBABIES LIVES IF IT BECOMES THAT SERIOUS.

I think you should be honest with your boyfriend about it so that he is prepared. I wouldn't introduce them until it becomes serious. If it already is, then you should go ahead and introduce them so that your mom can see he is a great guy for herself. Some members of my family were openly not ok with my choice, or my sisters choice in husbands. We both married outside our race, me to a hispanic man and my sister to a west indian. Both our partners knew early on, and it didn't effect our relationships. Just be open and honest about it and he is sure to understand.

You tell him the truth to whatever degree and extent that it exists in yours and your mothers situation. I find that it is always the best bet in the long run, to be as blatently honest in the beginning of anything negative, as soon you possibly can. This way, if they are going to run... At least they run before you are all invested. And if they can't handle it, you're better off in the first place knowing now rather than later. Not to mention, you dont want to keep things like that out of your own shame... and have him believe that you were keeping things from him and him believing that you were decieving him all along.

Obviously you are serious about the relationship, and that means you are now laying the foundation for your future together. It shouldn't be based on lies, half-truths or deliberate omissions. Tell you boyfriend that this has been weighing heavily on you, but you have been reluctant to stir up trouble in a happy relationship. Ask him if he wants to meet your mother. Presumably if you stay together this will have to happen at some point! Now approach mom, and take a picture of you and your boyfriend that shows how happy you are together. Tell her you think your relationship is strong enough to withstand whatever negativity comes from outside sources, and that she can be either part of the problem or part of the solution.

it is your choice if you love him than you are the one to be with him not your mom...

Dont introduce them as it will only make it worse as your mother has made it clear, only bring it up with him if he asks and say that your mother is being very judgmental about you but you are sure she will come to her senses when she sees we are in a long term loving relationship but i love you no matter what At the end of the day only you can make yourself happy not your mother

You are a 23 year WOMAN so you claim, yet your still allowing your mother to tell you what to do...

Just don't introduce them.

I too had to choose between my black husband or my white parents! Guess wat, My husband and I have been together since I was 15 and Im 30 now... Half my Life... It does depend on how old u r. If you are underage, they do have lets say 'control' of where u go n what u do.. u live in their house so u have to have a certain level of respect for their wishes. I did not admit it to my parents until I was pregnant with my first child (i was 17) actually I did not tell mom i was pregnant til i was 8 months. I turned 18 in Sept and delivered my baby girl in Dec. Honestly i was afraid my mom would make me have an abortion because of my age.. i didnt know any better. i had a friend who got pregnant and her mom forced her to have an abortion or get out of their house. Sadly she wasnt strong enough to be in an interracial relationship, and you do have to be VERY STRONG. My husband and i seem to have more disagreements about our cultures, like what our parents tried to instill in us when we were kids. When my parents did found out, they told me they were disowning me..what will the community think, u no wat, so who really cares wat they think. I always had the attitude that they didnt pay my bills and they were not there by my side when everyone was against me. So therefore i could care less how they felt about me. It has also been hard on my children... kids r mean, n as a mom u dont want to see your child hurt. I have taught my kids to be well rounded individuals and they are extremely satisfied with who they are they have peace within themselves no matter the negative comments sometimes made or the long stares they encounter. I taught them that were no mistake, God made them different for a reason. Maybe if it wasnt for people like us the times would not have changed as much as it has as it has become more acceptable and I know they will be very successful in life. eventually my parents came around, because of my children, their grandchildren. when they got to know my husband as an individual and wasnt judging him by the color of his skin they realized he was a great man who loved their daughter and took care of her and their children, they let go of the stereotype attached to black males and accepted him into their family, now, they probably like him better than they do me LOL back to your question and off my life story, and experience, i say telling him and letting him know that you do not see things the same way they do shows him that you can tell him anything and that u trust him with everything in your life, you are willing to face the storm together and it brings the two of you closer together because when it comes down to it yall are all each other have. He deserves to know and i believe your mom will come around if he is a good guy and he makes you happy. Im sure she (your mom) has done things in her past that other people do not think are socially acceptable. Good Luck and keep your head up high no matter what

It's not your job to "make" them accept him. It's 2009 for God's sake. Introduce him as your bf. As long as he's respectful, they should like him. If they don't, that's their problem. They will either come around or sever their relationship with their daughter. Something tells me they'll come around, but it's their job to do that. Not yours.

In my opinion it's not right. But that's me. You had to know this was going to happen so now you have to deal with it. You can't hide forever ya know.

I'm a black man and i've probably dated a woman from almost every corner of the earth. You have to respect your mother's stance, BUT she isn't in the relationship! You're not going to marry her, you're not having kids with her, and she can't make you feel the way he does! As a black man, i've been on the end of the "why are you dating a black guy" question of many parents of different races. The funny thing is this, 90% of the time, they end up thinking that i'm the best thing that has happen to their daughters. Now, that still doesn't mean that they would CHOOSE ME for their daughter. At least you were up front and honest and if they can't accept that then oh well! You have to live your life for you and be happy. If it's meant to be, GOD will chip away at their INSECURITIES as long as they see you happy. Nuff said. Good luck luv.

Tell him that your parents are racists. Leave it to him to meet them or not.