After we caught her in the lie, she got one her friends to send me text message like it was from a guy hoping that her dad would see it and think I was cheating on him. I told her I was tired of her crap and not to ask me to do anything for her again. I know this causes tension between me and her dad, but I don't know what else to do. I have been her life since she was 5 and done everything for her but I'm tired of the abuse, what can I do?

Also my husband thinks it is unfair for me to feel this way.

It sounds like she wants some attention. Maybe she didn't appreciate the way you guys came at her when you "caught her in the lie." Were you confrontational about it, blaming her & accusing her? Maybe you should have approched her with concern and asked her if there was anything wrong at school with friends or boys in general and acted like you cared about HER wellbeing and not about catching her in a lie.

Maybe you and your stepdaughter need to do something together to bond as "just the girls." She may really be in need of advice or help. It's gotta be really hard for her if she's feeling like she has no one in school OR at home. She may need to feel like you guys are on her side, and that's why she made something up about someone in school. If not, try family counselling or something.

Of course it isn't "right." but this isn't another grown adult neighbor who's doing it, it's your stepCHILD. It isn't about right and wrong, it's about she needs some kind of help. You need someone to professionally find out what kind of help she needs. Take her to therapy - even if it's just provate sessions for her and the therapist.

But if she's reached you, she'll have gotten the reward and won't feel the need, as much, to use bad behavior to get it. I don't know her, but I'm trying to look at it from her point of view. Maybe you should try to get that appointment bumped up to a sooner date. Is there a therapist from school she could see? Has her dad tried asking her what she wants or hopes to gain from acting out (in a nice, caring way)? You don't know what could be going on at school with her. She may be miserable or she could be hanging out with not-so-good friends. If she won't talk to you, try having a relative or family friend talk to her who can maybe get through to her if you can't get that appointment m=bumped up.

Wow, I don't know what you CAN do then, until & unless you can find a way to get her to tell you why she's acting up & what she expects the outcome of all this to be. What does she want? She has to WANT something or want something to happen. If you can find out what that is & what her reasons are for acting this way, then at least you'll have some sort of foundation for a game plan to work this all out.

Where is her mom? Is she a good influence or a negative influence? How does your son feel about his sister and the things she does? Does she love her brother? Does her dad spend enough time with JUST her? Maybe these are some things to look at too. I really feel for your situation. Sounds like you guys have been going through some things for a while.

I don't even know what to tell you other than to let her know that you're there if and when she decides she needs to enough to actually talk to you and be honest with you about why she does the things she does to push you away. I guess the safest thing to do is to let her dad deal with her so at least she can't blame you if she doesn't like a decision you & your husband make. Let him be the one to discipline her, etc until she chooses to open up to you. Maybe she feels abandoned by her mother & is acting this way as a result of that to either get you & her dad's attention or because she expects you to abandon her just like her mom did and she wants to give you an excuse to do so. I hope your relationship with her will eventually be a good one, because it sounds like she really needs a mom. Try the best you can to be the neutral one in the situation so that she will feel like if she ever decided to, she could come to you. In the meantime, I hope you have a really good girl friend or group of friends that you can vent to & get away with when you need a day off, because that sounds like a difficult situation to be in when you're caught in the middle like that.

Kendrick I have been going through the exact same thing for my whole 5 years of marriage. I feel for you I really do. The only difference with my step daughter is she is 14 and has already had sex in our house, has been caught sneaking out repeatedly and has caused my husband and I to separate several times. WE have had her in treatment and her mom would take her out. If you care to discuss this further or just want to talk please feel free to email me at misstarrie@yahoo.com GOOD LUCK! :)

Seriously, I'd send her to teen boot camp to have her attitude adjusted http://www.troubledteensinfo.com/Boot_Camps/

I actually can't USE the comment feature because AB hasn't sent me a confirmation email to confirm my acct even though I keep requesting one over & over. Believe me, if I could I would to make it easier for people to know when I've responded. I looked into it & they KNOW their confirms aren't working properly or whatever. They're working on it.

Thanks Hope and Peace - I love your name by the way. If I ever get to confirm my acct & use the points feature, I'll return the favor sometime.

She needs to be helped by you and i think you should take any professional troubled teen counselor to discuss the things. http://www.troubledteensguide.com/

These kind of behavior should be treated in this age itself, so in order to that parents should take professionals help who have years of experience in dealing with troubled teens. http://www.troubledteensguide.com/

as for kendrick, are you sure she isnt being raped or molested by someone, this can cause her to act out n still do good in school, i may have been going on for a long time

When my father first brought a new woman in I tolerated her because I was 5. Once I hit my teenage years everything just turned and I hated her for no reason. She'd never done anything to me but be a mother (something my mother lacked) and I hated that. I hated that she could work up the nerve to boss me around and try to make my life right. It took some time, but I got over it. Sometimes it just takes time to get to understand why someone does things the way they do. The most you can do for her now is be there for her if she needs you, even if she treats you like shit...because in the end you know better, she doesn't understand yet. Just try to be patient with her...What she's doing is acting out on something and might end up with her getting in all kinds of trouble, but you can't stop that without losing her trust. Stay strong!