ANSWERS: 59
  • hmmm, let him go if you think that is what is best.
  • I have a teenage son - I'd let him do the time for sure. Set an example. :o)
  • Jouvie is kid prison. It's a place where bad kids exert influence over good kids. Sort of like school, but in jouvie they learn a criminal career. I'd say take your kid fishing more often.
  • "it's hard to discipline a kid that is bigger than me". If that is your idea of disciplining your son and you need to be bigger for him to have some respect, something is very wrong to start with.
  • Only if you want him to be thrown in with juveniles who have committed violent crimes and many of which have serious personality disorders. I don't know him, but I would bet he's plenty scared just by being arrested and hopefully will have learned his lesson. Just let him know you won't be bailing him out if he gets caught again.
  • Do you want him to go to kid's prison just for smoking a bit of pot? Be nice to him and get him away from that hole.
  • well my dad would suggest it woop my ass but i would benifit from it for that would be my turning point
  • Don't let him go. If he doesn't already know how to hide drugs from you now, he will when he gets out. Bad acts are praised in juvy and unfortunally will be praised by his friends in school when he gets back form time in juvy. I would ask the judge to give him an altertantive sentence like mandantory NA/AA meetings or death classes if they are offered. Oh and maybe community service. What kid doesn't love spending saturdays working for free?
  • I am actualy have been some what in your shoes except ours had run away, got caught takeing a gun he had stolen to school, we had him arrested let him go to the juvy 2day which by the way you pay ever day they are there. then they placed him on probation for 1yr, couldn't be out after 9pm without an adult, no over any where unless we gave premission. communnity service OH did he hate to work for free. and a program call pathways for drugs and by the way I'm 5' hes 6' and you have to get the bluff in at a early age and keep it, you are the BOSS. hes 27 now and we have had are problems yet he still respects me and his dad to this day
  • I imagine it's up to the COURT to decide whether he goes to juvenile hall or not. As for the future? Exactly WHO is the parent here? Buck up, step up to the plate, and start doing your job! Kids experimenting with drugs is by no means the end of the world; but if you disapprove, you need to let your kid know that that sort of behavior will not be tolerated under your roof, under ANY circumstances. And if he does it again, he can expect YOU to be the one calling the cops on him! Remember: "parent" is also a VERB.
  • I'd keep him away from "juvy" being in there with other criminals will do more harm than good
  • ...there isn't a magic answer here...though I imagine I'd want one too...whatever you choose, you'll have to live in your thoughts about it... these concepts may help going forward so that you can find your peace with yourself: 1. your kid is your equal, not beneath you, not above you... 2. your kid gets to live his life...he will whether you accept this or not - but life is easier when you accept this... 3. when you accept 1 & 2, one naturally understands that the priority in the interaction is opening communication... 4. forget the past, it's gone. 5. don't see yourself or your son as guilty
  • Stop being so overbearing. Trust me if you've explored every disciplinary avenue then he's just overwhelmed by your efforts. Explain you're backing off for a while. You never know he might even suprise you if you show that trust in him. I mean it was only pot. If every kid who did pot was sent to juvie, there'd be some pretty roomy classrooms in America.
  • He does care about something, it's difficult to search through all the bullcrap to find out what. Right now he is so consumed with the image his friends expect of him that he's blocked out everything. Try not to alienate him completely from his friends but do let him know that you will not bend on punishments when he breaks house rules. Depending on what state you live in, many offer help to families like yours. Family mediators work great. They offer solutions for both parents and childern, while offering random drug testing. No doubt his grades have been affected, try setting up a meeting with his teachers and try to get him back onboard. Most importantly, include him in ALL your decision process. If he feels like he's not being included he with backlash to get your attention. Remember, He is still a child and needs a parent. Do not waiver on any of your decisions. This is a sign of weakness, and like a lion they can smell it and WILL take advantage of it.
  • u should give him a choice A. get drug counseling (or) B.go to juvy or jury
  • In all honesty yes I'd let him go to juvy. Im sure it would be hard for you as his parent. But some kids need tough love like that
  • Oh for chrissakes. The SIZE of the child is important? What do you do, hit him? What ever happened to being a good parent?
  • Well it is your Decision. But i would have him go to Juvy for a couple of days. Then tell him if he doesn't stop doing what he does that is where he will end up. It will knock some sense into him
  • He'll never learn his lesson if you don't let him suffer the consequences. If you don't do something now he may end up in prison if he keeps going down the road he's on.
  • im sorry to hear this snake, why didnt you mail me??? maybe i coulda helped. I dont know what to say for the best honey, i know you had it tough.. it aint always easy, but im sure whatever decision you make will be the right one. Keep in touch xxxx
  • Send him to juvy if he resist have a one of your friends that is bigger than him handle him kids are not disciplined enough these days at least you could do your job by disciplining yours
  • Juvy wont help. just like prison doesnt help either. they come out tougher and meaner with the same problems.(i heard from a friend that even in juvy some of the weaker looking boys get raped and picked on). If it was only weed you need to disiplin him yourself by taking away something he really likes, loves or enjoys doing. tell him he has to give up smokeing pot in order to get "that special thing" back. or reward good behaviour. tell him if he goes without for a year you will have something really special for him. just dont send him to juvy!! maybe if it was rape or murder.... but weed im sure you can fix that yourelf.
  • Concentrate on his friends or the dealer, although I can not advocate to another what I would do. Going after the source is far more effective, cut the head off the chicken so to speak.
  • Please, don't give up on him! Sounds like he's reaching out for help though he'll probably never admit it (maybe he doesn't even realize it himself yet). Since his bio father is mentally unstable, it might be a reasonable assumption to consider he may have inherited a bit of this chemical imbalance, which paints a whole new picture about why he behaves the way he does (if that's the case). Keep telling him you love him and keep instilling in him the 'reasons' you're so intent on following through with help for him. (1) He's your child. You love him. (2) You're fighting for him because he's important to you (3)It's your responsibility as a parent to do all that you can for him, but you're doing it because you WANT to (4) etc.... If you throw in the towel, he probably will too. Persistence! Best of luck!! He needs you!
  • You shouldn't let him go to juvy. If people want to smoke pot just let them it's stupid that it's illegal in the U.S. But look at the U.S. were fucked the feds and our president are shit!!! Other countries are paying less than $2 for gas!!!!
  • depression and smoking weed can go hand in hand at times. if he is smoking weed there is usually A reason for it in this case depression. when i was young (around 15-17) i was depressed and smoked weed at times. it was because i was depressed and did not have anything more exciting going in my life. (or so i felt) you can help to fix that by trying to get him outside doing something that is physical. like what kind of fun activities does he like? skateboarding, snowboarding(kind of expensive), biking, skating crosscountry skiing), rollerblading, or even just working out or getting him a membership at the gym. This method works because it gets his heart rate up sending "feel good" nerves all over!! when i was younger and depressed my sister helped me by getting me a downhill bike and took me biking alot. it was great. I fealt like a million dollers evertime after i went biking. after a while i got out of that downhill depression spiral. it also got me off of depression pills that dont actually work! soon as i started taking them my depression got worse. so to sum things up. if you want him to stop smoking weed and start to feel good about himself and get him out of that depression downhill spiral get him outside doing something he likes thats some sort of physical activity. It will get him to feel good about himself boosting his self esteem and get him off the pot. it worked for me so im sure that theres a good chance it will work for him. good luck!!
  • since he likes to smoke marijuana and whatnot, let him try salvia divinorum they use it on rape victims to help them reform their lives again. It's a legal herb, but soon it will be illegal because of the government. I smoke marijuana and have been for 7 years; has not changed my life. If you smoke it periodically it can actually make you smarter, but when a kid smokes it it's usually because of immaturity and peer pressure. I use marijuana for a meditative experience.
  • What is the point of blaming now, other than acknowledging your mistakes and changing yourself into a better parent? You can have him committed. Or whomever has custody. He is not an adult and because of that, until he is 18, you can have him committed. You can sign him in and out, but he will be stuck. He will be forced to get help. Jail does not rehabilitate. It will only make him worse. Jail does not offer psych help and that's what he needs. Regardless of who dropped the ball to let him become this, it doesn't matter. You can blame and blame, but you re here now. Stop blaming and move forward and get your son the help he won't be able to live without.
  • NO juvy isn't the answer, talk to him! I believe sending him to juvy will make things worse for him and you! It's pot and there is nothing wrong with it, I agree he is young and maybe shouldn't be doing it at his age. I think that if you send him to juvy you will be introducing him to a lot of worse kids that will influence him and you will end up losing him to worse things!! Good luck!
  • check out legalizemarijuana.com 88 percent of the people in our prison system are there for marijuana. do you think that they come out of prison as shining examples of pleasant society? of course not. they meet a bunch of other prisoners and learn to be just like them. your son does need a strong hand. psychiatric help would be good, but it he knows how to get out of that, then you should consider military school. they will work all that teenage angst right out of him, teach him respect and discipline, and give him an education as well (let's face it, the kind of education he'll get in juvy won't help him to succeed as an adult as anything but a criminal). don't give up on him. right now is when he needs you most. tough love is the answer, not abandoning him to the prison system, where he would become worse.
  • yeah i agree, juvi wont do no good.. have a long talk with him,, and give him another chance to straight him self... and try to give your son more attention , and if that dont work how about some tough love woop his behind.. aint never to old to catch a wooping,,, and send him to boot camp... if thats what he wants
  • Not trying to pry, but where is his father??
  • i really dont hink it's something to go to juvy for, but if he cant be disciplined, then it's the only thing to do, just dont be to hard, and listen to his side of the story
  • Wow. Selling percocets and now the weed and the pipe. This is not good, not at all. If this is the stuff you know about then you have to ask the question-what is he doing that you haven't found out about yet? What is his motivation for this behavior--peer pressure, cash for designer clothes and personal items or is it deeper--maybe anger or resentment toward and absentee dad or some sort of problems at school/socially? How are his grades? Have you tried a boot camp or some sort of "scared straight" kind of program? Re: feeling like you can't discipline him because he is bigger than you my theory is that as long as there is a baseball bat or a hammer in the house you have nothing to fear. Should you ever use them? NO, NEVER. But he should think you MIGHT-LOL.
  • I wouldn't. I'd talk to him and find out why. In the grand scheme of things, he is only 15 years old. Help him while he isn't out in the world on his own.
  • I hope you let him go to juvy. It would be like a taste of what jail is like. Maybe he'll change his ways.
  • Sometimes you need tough love. That's all I can honestly say.
  • as far as it goes i used i to help drug and troubled teens, i used to have the rule no drugs on the property or in my house, most of the time they would still bring it to my house and i would flush it, the thing was they were so high they would forget to put it else where , so there lose. run of the dealers change the friends. tough love is the best way.
  • Just a bit of advice from someone who's been in trouble one too many times with the law..... If he learns the hard way the first time, he'll probably be less likely to do something to put himself in that situation the next. It's a very tough situation though, because it's a very fine line to walk. I believe had my parents let me stay in jail for my assault, and not pay a lawyer to get me just a one year probation, I wouldn't have ended up committing the other crimes I committed afterwards, and a forever life changing felony afterwards. The risk you run into letting him go to juvy is that he might be there for the short amount of time he'll be there, nobody will give him a hard time, and he'll actually think it's not that bad of a place.... not a good first impression for him to have of jail, then he won't be so concerned with making another bad choice. You could privately ask the director at juvy to please make sure his staff doesn't take it easy on your son. The tougher they are on him, the more miserable of an experience it will be. Also, it's marijuana and a pipe, depending on the amount of pot he had, he won't be in there long, so don't give in and rescue him. I wish my parents had shown me tough love. Just a thought.
  • no don't let him go to juvy.... try and be understanding. remember, no one is perfect. talk to him about it. try not to be to much of a disciplinarian. all kids experiment. not only will this help for this incident, it will gain you big respect points for the future
  • Military school sounds really good. It sounds like your to easy on him for one reason or another(I know because I'm the same with my teen ager) but mine still knows to walk the line. I'm 5'6 he's 6ft & I've always told him if he ever hits or disrepects me I'd catch him asleep & wrap him up like a burrito & beat the crap out of him. And he once tried the I'll call the cops if you hit me because I'm not minding you & I'm going to tell you what to do attitude, I simply told him to make sure he made 2 calls 1 to the cops & the other to the hospital because if I'm going to jail for keeping him out of bigger trouble I'd beat him to a pulp & send him to the hospital. I've never beat my son nor will I but the threat hangs over his head. I've told him before I'd rather bust his arse now & let him know there is consiquences to bad actions then to have him out of my reach & control & bubba do it in prison. I'm sorry he's got so out of control for you, hopefully when he gets out you can enforce some ground rules even if it means having to give up things you like to do for a while until he gets the message that your in control & he's not. Lots of luck
  • Yes. Kids need to know that there are consequences for their actions. If Mommy &/or Daddy keep bailling them out, they'll never learn this, & will probably continue making the same poor choices in life, & that can be extreamly detramental in many aspects.
  • My answer is military school. Let them teach him how to fly right. I homeschooled all my three kids. My oldest son (18 yo) is straight edge now and has a FT job. My two daughters, 16 and 14, have not dated yet and are planning on going to college. They don't drink, smoke or do drugs. They have not made the decision to never have a drink in their lives, but they have both said they will never smoke or do drugs. I kept them out of that peer pressure in the public schools. They get social interaction in church, the Y, art classes, and friends that I also know. I agree that Juvy will teach him more problems. But... you have to let him know you will not take his crap. I told my kids from the time they were little that no matter how big they got they were never to big for me to spank. You have let him get out of control. Now you need to get the control back. Take a stand against him right now, before he is an adult and ends up in the real prison system. Then you will really be blaming yourself. Love him enough to be strong for him. You will be glad you did.
  • Sounds to me like bad parenting. NO OFFENSE. Maybe the father's actions are what changed your child to act this way. I guess you're divorced right? Anyhow, there is nothing wrong with a little tough love. My brother is 27 and he's really bad off on drugs. He just lost his job b/c he got accused of stealing checks from one of the houses where he cleaned carpet. Not to mention he got in a physical fight with me( his sister). I think he's guilty and i hope he goes to jail. Maybe it will help, but, then again it could make things worse. Our parents are still together, but my dad has left a bad influence on us both. I get an attitude sometimes but my brother is the violent one, we have seen him doing it all our lives.
  • I have more to your answer again. To me, (my child is only 6 months old, but i have helped raise my nephew and cousins) tough love is the only way to go in CERTAIN situations. Don't let the father disagree w/you on that. YOU are the one who has raised him,YOU have more say so than he does. Tell him that out of all the times for him to show up and play "daddy" babying him will not help. It will prob. make your teen more out of control. (i think my brother needs some tough love, my parents never stood up to his behavior, i was the only one to, and it caused our fight.) And you are right, he didn't have a father figure to look up to, he new his father left you (i am sorry) and it's taken its toll on him. He feels that its the only way to cope maybe? I know it would be hard, i couldn't imagine having to put my daughter in juvy, but i know you gotta do what you gotta do. I think tough love is best for a sit. like that. More likely than not it will help, there's always a downside of making things worse, but you never know until you try
  • If you 15 y/o is in possession of pot& a pipe, he most likely has been around this stuff for awhile. You're not going to be able to stop this on the surface. I recommend a couple of things. Hope this helps: 1. Check the internet for some boot camp type programs for juveniles that give them some "wake=up" calls. Sounds like he needs some tough love. http://www.boot-camps-info.com/boot-camps-state.html 2. Check the internet for some of the religious programs for juveniles. There are some good ones that get to the heart of young people, to help them stop making these wrong choice. He himself is now making these choices. You are responsible for him, but you are not making his choices. If you can, get him into a place where his choices are minimized. www.bethelacademy.org http://www.hope4teens.org http://www.abundantlifeacademy.com/ala_subab_pgm1.html 3. You cannot physically control him anymore. Stop beating yourself up over that. If he has made these decisions, and you cannot control him, then you have to do the best for him, and in this case you have to let him pay the consequences. If you cannot find a program that will help him out, then let him go to Juvy. You have to be safe.
  • Sunday night I was getting off work and I was pulled over and searched. All the passengers where under 18. The passengers were caught with an ounce of marijuana and we all had been drinking. We werent intoxicated but the officers found an open container. The police let us go. The police under stood that we had no records and that we just trying to get home.My parents made me go to NA. NA just made me more angry because they stuck me in thier with people that had serious problems, crack heads, methheads, and just about everyone had been to prison. My suggestion is random drugtests and give him motivation to pass them. Sounds stupid but its working for me. Do what ever you can to prevent him from getting a record. You would be setting him up to fail. Look into getting his record expunged if he has one thats my opinion.
  • let him be grown let him do for himself lay down rules you shouldn't have to fight with your kid for him to do right when he see your serious he'll get his shit together
  • A CHILD ID JUST THAT A CHILD. JUST LIKE ANY ONE EVEN ANIMALS WE WOULD NEVER LEARN IF WE NEVER PAYED THE PRICE FOR WHAT WE DO. SO YESSSSSSSSSS
  • If it was up to me, no. Juvi should be reserved for actual criminal children. Personal consumption of pot should be a private and personal issue until he starts selling it.
  • I believe that letting youth be accountable for their actions is one of the greatest learnings they can have. When your son was young and touched the stove he learned not to do it again because of the consequence of his action. If you let him off the hook with this what lesson will he learn? "I can do illegal things and my parents will always bail me out!" I watched this with my younger sister and she is now 35 and is still a mess. A good parents teaches children correct principles and lets them govern themselves. consequences are just a part of the learning curve.
  • My daughter runs with kids that do that stuff. If she gets caught I will without a doubt let them take her.I'll feel like the worst parent alive but I think they need to learn now before their 30 and have thrown their life away. This sounds harsh, but I've thought of doing this too (Not for size but for help. Maybe she will listen to the law) Probation (beyond parental control). A friend of mine did it with her 15 yr old son, and it started him back on the right track.
  • Absolutely, if he's going to be a criminal, he needs a good education on how to do all this stuff successfully. He'll learn that in most reform schools.... Oh, Yeah, I know they don't call them "reform schools" anymore, but inside, they haven't changed. Have you considered other options? in your phone book, under "child" or "children's" or "family" services there should be a number for seeking help with drug dependent teenagers. If you can not find that, email me <hhs3@37.com> with the name of your State, and I will send you the list of services available.
  • First thing, if he is talking about suicide, TAKE IT SERIOUSLY!! My son committed suicide in 1998. He was 17 years old. As far as Juvy, like another person said, that's up to the courts. I wouldn't choose that for him, if you think he's depressed. What types of punishment have you tried, besides restriction? Tough love isn't always the right choice. It all depends on the child. It wouldn't have worked on me and it didn't work on my son. Can you take away the computer, TV or phone? Your son may be crying out for help. Have you tried talking to him and trying to see what's going on? Does he know you love him? How does he feel about himself? I would definitely try to reach out to him and see what's going on with him. If he's turning to drugs, he may be self-medicating, because of his depression. Is there anywhere you can go for counselling? I mean for the two of you? Just PLEASE don't let him think you've given up on him. If he thinks that, he is more apt to give up on himself. Try not to say things when you're mad at him. Those things really stick with a child. Teenagers often act out to try to get your attention. I wish you both the best.
  • Take him to a therapist, especially if he's talking about suicide. At the very least, make him see a school counselor. SOMEBODY. Tell them your situation and they can refer you to local professionals and specialists. Do not send him to juvy; do it yourself. Juvy, rehab, none of that ever really works. My mom would always say that if I ever did drugs, I'd find myself living in a cabin up in the mountains, tied to a bed until I had everything out of my system. And I believed her, too. Not necessarily that I would be abandoned and immobile in the mountains, but that she would personally see to it that I fixed my life. And she can be pretty damn harsh when a person she cares for is ruining themselves. Make him attend seminars, lectures, take him to a local police hall and ask them to please show him what will happen if he keeps going down this road. Really let him see where he's going. If you absolutely can not reach him after exhausting every single resource, if there's nothing you can do for him at all, then stop supporting him. Make sure he knows that you won't harbor a person (even your son) who is hiding and using drugs illegally, who you can't trust. Cut him off entirely. Don't kick him out, because somebody else will probably take him in and take him down with them. Just make sure he knows he won't get money or support from you if he chooses that lifestyle.
  • I know what you mean about disciplining a child bigger than you. My son is a grown man now and in service. One night he got into trouble locally and was picked up by the police, who called me to come down and get him. I told the officer about the back talking, hitting me and the drugs. Then I ask a question of him...what would you do? Guess what my son spent the night in jail and went before the judge, who told him that he had a choice to make either straighten up or go to juvy. Mister big shot choice juvy, so the judge gave him 30 days at the end of 30 days he was put on probation for 6 months. When he came home we talked, he went to anger managment and was like a different child. He ask me when he graduated boot camp why I left him in jail instead of coming to get him. My reply.. because I just didn't know what else to do and I was afraid that your actions would get you killed. His juvy records are sealed. Being a parent isn't easy and they don't come with a manual. I choice tuff love and for me it worked. I'm proud of my son and the man he has become. I think what happend those few months made the difference.
  • Yeah let him go,
  • My son is 25 years old. He started minor criminal activity at 10, such as shoplifting and vandalism. At 12 he joined a gang. He was arrested for the first time at 12, and the juvenile courts went easy on him. He continued to commit crimes, and the older he got, the worse the crime became. As a juvenile, he was sentenced to several different programs, (including boot camp). None were successful. At 16 he was certified as an adult, and went to adult jail. He is now 25 years old and is awaiting trial for Capital Homicide, which could carry the death penalty. My advice to you is to go HARD HARD HARD on him now, before you are sitting in my shoes.

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