ANSWERS: 49
  • Ther is that once in a while chance that he rally means what he says. Since you have been together for so long I say give 1 chance. See what he does with that one chance. If he screws it up then kick his ars to the curb. But if he makes it work then that will only make the two of you as a whole that much more stronger. Call it a test of commitment. Hope I helped. ~Leah~
  • Personally I would let him go, he obviously wasnt committed to the relationship, four years, and now he cheats, come on, are you sure this is the only time???? You will never be able to trust him, anymore. Do you want that for your self, move on, and find a man that respects you.
  • Do you still love him, girl? It will sting for a bit more. How long, will depend on how you deal with managing your feelings. I advise you ask yourself are you ready to deal with it. If you need time off, do it. Go on a short break alone or with wise, stable and close girlfriends who will not diss or discuss the topic because what you need, is to rest for a bit. If you choose to stay on, state a ultimatum. Dun shortchange yourself of your right as a girlfriend. Things shud be done right before it carries on. And to move on, you need to be able to trust him again, and that takes time. He has to know he needs to do the right thing from now. Take care.
  • I would consider 3 things that are most relevant: 1. Have you found out that yourself or did he tell you. If you found out yourself I can guarantee it wasn't a mistake, it's his way of life and it's not going to change. 2. Will you be able to forgive and not to mention this cheating in the future...? Whenever? 3. Is that life you live with him really so good? Obviously-you are the only one who is happy with it. If he was too, he would never cheat. Or he would, but you don't want that, don't you???? Wish you all the best.... I can only imagine how hurt you are.....
  • Only a month? That's one month too long. Everyone can make a mistake and regret it...but a one time thing not a month-long thing. Personally, I would never be able to get over it and I'd have to move on, as painful as that decision would be.
  • I would kick his sorry butt to the curb with my sharpest high heels. EX-wife... for a MONTH... and he's trying to JUSTIFY it? What the HELL? ONLY for a month? Two-timing sack of scum... throw him out with this week's rubbish bin. Seriously.
  • Well if he honestly admits that he did it, My advice is give him another chance. You love him right? then this is where FF comes in *forgive and forget* but really if he screws up. Imma take the next plane to your place and let's bring him down. People commit mistakes; coz they're imperfect so as you. but the real catch on all of this is the more you forgive / forget and accept his mistakes the stronger the relationship goes. trials really come such as this in all relationships (well not all) but really they do come. So give it another chance, it's not about tolerating him. it's about giving importance to the 4 years commitment. but when he does it again, that's the point where you no longer take a sh1t. good luck.
  • Find a new bf, answer from a man.
  • If you were to continue in this relationship you would have to find the strength with in yourself to forgive him one hundred percent. For if you don't, this deceit will ruin any chance of fixing the relationship for without forgiveness you'll never be able to over come the "what if" factor. Meaning, if he happens to be at work late or something of the sort you'll always think "what if he was with someone else". However, if it was easy enough for him to have relations with another woman...how will you ever determine if she was indeed the first or will be the last?
  • That is the one thing I could never forgive. Only for a month? A mistake is a 1 time thing not a month long thing. Just remember if you choose to forgive him and stay, you can not hold it against him or throw it in his face during a arguement. Good luck to you.
  • It's time to let him go. Give him time to figure out what he truly wants. He needs to move out, get his own place. Don't worry if he doesn't come back. (Who wants to be with someone who is only half-committed?) I know it's a lot easier to say than to hear- so good luck! You deserve to have a committed partner who loves, honors and respects you. Part of love, honor, respect is fidelity and honesty (not honesty after the fact, honesty to know that you can trust that he wouldn’t do it in the first place). The fact that he cheated with his ex-wife tells you that he is obviously, clearly not out of that relationship. Also, he didn’t sleep with her just once. That means day after day, he lied, cheated and meant it. 30 times. Thirty times he thought it out, planned it. Figured out what to tell you, went out or over to her house and made love to her. How can he be committed to your relationship when he hasn't really finished that one?
  • I think ultimately the question is this... Can I continue in a relationship with a man who cheats on me? If you can continue the relationship with him cheating on you (as I expect he'll continue doing - maybe not with her but with someone else maybe) and you're willing to accept the hurt because you find sufficient benefit to outweigh the unfaithfulness then fine. I'd probably send him walking but we all think differently.
  • Hold on a sec - he cheated for a MONTH and you are even considering taking him back? This was just not a one-night stand, it was a whole bedroom set!! I would have a VERY hard time getting past this, unless I could see that this behavior, and the reasons behind it, had changed 100% for the better, with no prodding from me. Good luck!
  • While it is nice to think that we're all human and we all make mistakes, you know how the old saying goes - "Once a cheater, always a cheater." It's great that he admitted it to you (did he?) but I'd kick him out. And how that advice can be down rated is beyond me. :P
  • Honestly, this is the kind of question that if one is not in the predicament we all see the solution very easily but you that are living it may not...you are actually living it and its really a hard thing to deal with but this is what I think: 1-He cheated for a month not a day not saying a day is less than or more forgivable but its a big difference (HE NEEDS TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HE WANTS, OBVIOUSLY THERE IS UNFINISHED BUSSINES THERE. 2-HONEY! you dont know where that girl have been at and if they are using protection...more than lickely they are not because they feel comfortable together and they have been married. 3-do you really want to continue in this "LOVE TRIANGLE"
  • This is ultimately a trust issue. You cannot trust him. If this is not an issue, continue seeing him. If you stay, you need to forgive him, and never bring it up again--even when you get angry at him.
  • I think you really have to ask yourself what is more important to you. What your boyfriend did is very hard to forgive. If you find that you are able to forgive him wholeheartedly and you are happier with him, despite him cheating on you, then I would work on forgiving him. If you can't forgive him completely, then you'll have to to move forward and leave him because it will be detrimental to you if you stayed when you can't forgive him.
  • only u can answer this question........... affairs are so hard to deal with.... and i think u should get some help with the affair for yourself. every situation is different, and some people do wake up to themselves after something like this has happened,some never ever do. The hardest part about it all, is that u can't stop loving someone just because they do something wrong :(
  • Iknow you love him, but you have to trust him. Perhaps you should give him one more chance, but only one more chance. If he lets you down again, call it quits. It will hurt, but I'm sure you deserve better.
  • BREAK UP WITH HIM!!!
  • CHEATING = BREAK UP
  • this would be a different situation if you two hadnt of been together for so long but him cheating on you is not right. and it was just once, it was for a month! i wouldnt care if he ended it. i would tell him to get his sorry ass out that door and not come back.
  • Sounds like he is a liar. Sounds like he is committed to ex. Sounds like you can forgive him, leave him and move forward, or keep going through this every time he does it.
  • i would break up with him. seems like he'll always go back to his ex for more. don't trust him one bit.
  • I think give him one more chance but if he does it again, I wouldn't be so forgiving. It's bad that it wasn't just once in a moment of weakness or "for old times' sake" but went on for a month. It would be interesting to know why his marriage ended. He needs to be honest with you, her, and himself about who he really wants to be with. The danger lies in his being tempted to go from one to another: whenever things get difficult in one of the relationships, he will turn to the other lady.
  • I will always be of a mind that if there's any part of you that wants to break up with a cheater, grab that part, fan the flames and dump that loser! Any feelings you may still have are misplaced affection for an unworthy disrespectful douche. There must be consequences for cheating, there are too many people giving these morons second and third chances.
  • That was his explanation - "It was only for a month"?! Well, it sure seems like he's broken up over the whole thing...What a loser. If he did it once he'll do it again. Don't waste another day on him.
  • Move on, he doesn't want you he went back to his ex wife..Leave it alone and go on..
  • He has no respect for you at all....AND possibly still has feelings for ex.... GET OUT! NOW! WHILE YOU CAN AND BEFORE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND! DON'T BE WEAK ABOUT THIS......BE STRONG!......GO!
  • Did he tell you WHY he did it? To keep a "secret" relationship going on for a month takes a lot of work. Working out good times to meet, excuses to use on his whereabouts, and making sure there was no evidence left behind. On some cheating circumstances it just happened, wasn't planned ect. In his case he had to actually plan it so that shows you right there that he has feelings for her to go to such great lengths to accomplish this. You said that the two of you have a good life together, well obviously something wasn't good. Before you decide you should make sure all the feelings for the ex are over and resolved or else you will keep going thru this over and over. Also as everybody else has stated if you choose to forgive, it needs to stop there and not brought up in future argumants.
  • Just kick him out. He doesnt love and respect you, so don't even give the loser a chance. And a month is a long time to be doing that without you knowing... apperantly he could do it again if you decide to forgive him and maybe he'll do it for longer next time. Honestly, just don't waste your energy on him. Find a man who truly loves and apreciates you!
  • He cheated on you with the ex? No no no. I think you can forgive, but I couldn't continue with a relationship like that. I forgive you - get out!!
  • 4 years is a bit of water under the bridge and why his ex wife instead of someone else? if you're not happy with his answers then ask yourself if you think he's worth hanging around for. did you find out from someone else or did he tell you. if he didn't then he had to own up in which case he was willing to hide it without any intentions of telling you.
  • Forgive him, you don't want to wait for another 4 years
  • Hi there.I have been in a relationship with a guy that was seperated from his x wife for 2 years prior to the 3 I have just spent with him. He was previously married to his x-wife for 24 years and apparently also cheated on her several times too. I too have just found out that he has been cheating on me with her for the past 6 months.I was absolutely devastated and still am.I feel ashamed to walk down the street and I am totally disgusted with his lies and deceit.I have kicked him out of the house and although I am very much in love with him what he has done to me,her his kids is unforgivable.He has since decided to file for divorce as he wishes for me to be in his life.Maybe he shouldnt have taken me for granted in the first place or actually been a real man and talked to me about it before acting on impulse.He has ruined everyones lives around him.Not only that the affair was unprotected so we all have to go through the next 3-10 months getting blood tests to see if we have been infected with any STDs or blood borne viruses.The stress and ordeal is totally unforgivable and until he gets some serious counselling and proves to me that he has taken full responsibility for his actions,Im not even interested in anything he has to offer as I dont know whats fantasy and whats reality anymore.I actually see right through him now.To be honest,once a cheater always a cheater and for the stress and heartache he has put everyone through, I dont believe for one minute that he deserves any of us in his life. Do the crime then you do the time.hope it works out for you but be careful that you dont leave yourself open for the contraction of a disease for love.How do you know when you are in love? When you pat him on the ass and say....Your in love.xxxxxc
  • Forgive him. Shitty things happen to all of us. Make sure that you learn something from this though. Why was he forced to cheat in the first place? Has the bedroom romance slipped on your end? Please a man sexually and he'll never stray. If you cannot forgive him then there is no hope.
  • You maybe able to forgive him-but you will never forget.
  • Lol... ONLY a month. Get rid of him.
  • He probably cheated on his ex wife to...get rid of him he will only hurt you.;..have sex with his brother then tell him..do back to him over and over again..people like that deserve it..
  • I am so sorry for your devestation. I recently went through something similar 4 months ago.. I was devestated that he would cheat on me, but I threw his shit out the window and let him go. I can't be with someone who would (to me) comit one of the utmost betrayals. I still miss him alot, but the first thing i did was get out of the house and start going out and meeting new people. It's really a matter of your heart, are you willing to forgive him and is he willing to allow you the time to heal from this?
  • And why is it that he isn't married to her anymore?
  • Forgive him but let him go and move on. Things that happened will always haunt you. You are not married yet, it's a good thing. Move on. It's not good idea to spend your life with someone who cheats and lick his own spit.
  • that is a question only you can answer is your love for him greater than the risk you are willing to take of him hurting you again by him cheating on you again. is the risk worth the reward? sometimes you win sometimes you loose?
  • your relationship is scared for life. if he is sorry then both of you deserve a fresh start. if he is not then you still deserve one. a fresh start can only come from a new relationship. end it. but this is my opinion, some people make scared relationships work
  • Just my opinion: Once a cheater always a CHEATER ... They might stop for awhile ; BUT they will find an excuse or a reason to CHEAT again soooner than later ... I'd be kicking this guys azz to the curb ... find yourself a real MAN this next time ..and be truly happy and not wondering each time he is not home IF he is with someone else ... Just don't run into a rebound relationship ..give yourself some time ... Be Happy !
  • It's hard but he's a jerk. If you don't mind living with a jerk who will keep sleeping with his ex well, by all means forgive him.
  • If u forgive him hes just going to do it again.If u let him see it was okay so he'll do it over and over agian.How can u be even sure that he ended it.Someone could have threaten to tell u so he did it himself.Don't trust him one bit u deserve wat better.And don't be to hard on urself about it.Shes the slut knowing that ur with him and she still sleeps with him.If thats his ex wife And he went back to her chances are theres still feeling there.So if they realy did break it off there probaly goin to do it again.An maybe this time just a year.Dumb that loser.
  • I don't know you or him or all of the details or have any kind of idea what kind of relationship the two of you have so all I could say is, you have to weigh the pros and cons of either decision and choose one. Stay or leave. But if you choose to stay, forgive and forget...don't bring it up everytime you fight or use it as control over him in a relationship..if you forgive, wipe the slate clean..because if you don't the relationship will never work anyways. IT could take a loooong time for him to earn your trust again and some people get tired of trying or being accused of anything, especially when they have been guilty of it. If you decide to leave (which would be my choice if I were you)then leave for good because in my experience most times, once a cheater always a cheater. It's bad enough when someone has a drunken one nighter, but your man was cheating multiple times over a month (or longer)...That was much more than his wang getting the best of him one drunken night.
  • thats up to you

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