ANSWERS: 13
  • Personaly traits are to blame. Usually some persons are shy to interact with others. Or some are envious of the success of others. Usually "normal" people thanks others and compliments them.
  • people who do not love themselves cannot love another. Those who are insecure with low self esteem have trouble giving and recieving anything
  • Eagle is right. I know this because years ago, I hated every beautiful girl that I saw. It was pure jealousy
  • I have no problem giving compliments but they have to genuine. Yesterday, I told my boss that his haircut looked good. It's true, when his hair is shorter, you don't really notice how it is thinning in the front. By the way, good question.
  • Personally, I think it's a sign of their own insecurities. I believe they feel that giving a compliment to someone else somehow takes something away from themselves.
  • I always give compliments. It's the gentlemanly thing to do. But I'm always sincere about it. If I don't mean it, I keep quiet, but I never like to say anything mean to anybody. It's not nice. (By the way, thank you for adding me as a "friend" again Da ben dan. I lost you there for a little while and I don't know why. Heh.)
  • Perhaps because they are shy. I myself used to be very shy when I was about 10-13 and i would hardly say anything, and people actually thought I was being rude for not saying anything. I'm can still be a bit shy now, but definitely not as shy as I was before. Other reasons for not complimenting could be that they feel insecure or they don't want to admit a person's good things and strengths.
  • For me to consider answering this question, I would want to step-back and look at a larger issue: the absolute lack of intimacy these days because of attachments and seemingly behavioral addictions to this thing we call 'the computer!' Apparently, 'SPEED' of use and instant-contact is the method du jour. No disrespect intended, but before I had my surgery for lung cancer, I was on-line days upon days for copious hours, even convincing myself that it was important to be there. Afterward, save of the literal need to [still] rest and recover from my massive surgery -- a complete and total invasion of Life (as we know it) --and something I would not wish for anyone -- something 'magical' has happened being OFF-line. Interestingly my purposeful 'detox' to 'come off' was harder than I ever, ever would have imagined!! I have witnessed ironically that my time on the computer had taken me AWAY from life itself, had distracted my brain from not only what I know how to do, but from many of those things that brought me fabulous pleasure (my art) and even income! Being on-line so much had also encouraged the fracturing of my attention! The fact that 'communication' is devoid of verbal tone and facial expression, literally created miscommunication, confusion and even hurt feelings. Wasn't the computer suppose to make our lives 'easier?' TIME 'to be,' to actually participate in my own five senses, to participate in REAL life had become limited to an 18" box whose 'heat' would never in real terms warm me. During my first two months, beginning my recovery, and although forced by pain filled physical circumstance, I literally COULD NOT be on-line. Even more interesting, when I was actually able to walk out to where my computer was (in my art studio) all of 'IT' seemed 'too big' to even entertain. I intuitively 'knew' the effort just to type would drain me; I just couldn't do it. I retreated to 'my fort:' a large, pouffy, black leather chair in our media/bed room. (Beloved had created a SMALL area next to it for artwork, should I want to do art ... I ended up long-hand writing to my friends and family -- so much more intimate: you have TO THINK about what you want to share ... your fingers literally do NOT FLY. Coming back to the question posted here? Oh yeah, giving compliments ... It is no wonder compliments are not verbally shared these days! One could ask all of us how much of our actual time is on-line ... and how much of our time is ... in REAL time ... meeting, greeting, laughing, crying, sharing, eating, drinking, pooping, shopping, working, PLAYING with others? We 'believe' with full and healthy hearts we know our people friends on-line, especially those on our cherished AB site. But do we? Really? As I have very concrete and real physical needs these days, REALLY, all I want is someone to bring me an actual cup of tea or REACH for that item that I cannot. The computer cannot find the kleenex box, the remote control or help me pull that top over my head without wincing. My friends on-line cannot do this, even though I know in my heart-of-hearts each would happily go out of their way to do so, IF they were here nearby or even in my vaccinity. I KNOW they would simply 'drop by.' And I love them for this and more. There is no blame. There are no harsh feelings. I adore all of them: they have been 'here' in ways more in some ways than some of my 'friends' shout to be. If anything I KNOW these 'out there' are REALLY amazing, truly great human beings who are committed to sharing knowledge, their own personal brand of wisdom,their own kindness. Each ARE treasures. And I can never thank them enough for this (a compliment to be taken by each of them). But, for now? I need the toilet paper dispenser to be refilled, gas in my car (just started driving myself!!) or to lift that gallon of milk which once seemed so easy to put into my car. I will always and gladly thank those that do it, even when I am not in the physical position I find myself in these days. See? The deal is this: just three months ago I literally WAS WITH my own death and then woke up alive. Frankly, I am grateful 'just' to be here. More, I am still in shock from the trauma; doctors say 'this is normal.' Yeah, right. But for ME?!!!? What do I do now? What I want now? Oh I dunno. Well, that's B.S. WHAT I WANT is to TOUCH each and every human being I meet and compliment them for something ... anything simple because they ARE here. They, you see, are alive and I KNOW that most likely there is something hard and challenging THEY are coping with, dealing with. I will thank them for being here. I will thank them for holding the door or putting my shoes away. I will thank them for being in my actual real-time view. I will thank them for their individual smell -- no kidding ... even stink is better than 'nothing!' I can thank them for just being able to see them. I can, if I am bold and quite appropriate enough, touch them, even if that is a light touch that they barely feel: they will travel on with only my very best wishes and prayers. I will thank them by REALLY listening to what they are saying without thinking 'inside' about what I could/should say next. I will savor their 'differences' and actually go out of my way to congratulation them for it, whether that is race, religion, economics or status. I will thank them by encouraging them to BE exactly what they are meant to be. EVEN if that is 'weak' or 'nothing' -- I know now more fully we each take turns being this, having this view, in real time. This phases are part of our human experience and none of us are exempt from it. We can thank our cognition for this awareness: a personal compliment sometimes needed more than we acknowledge. For, my friends, in REAL TIME, each of us 'takes a turn.' We are strong, afraid, loving, hateful, encouraged, discouraged, vane, bashful, sorry, proud ... and all the other elements of being an alive human being ... all at the same time!! Its like each of our 'Selves' are individual pearls on a necklace strand, worn without acknowledgment of personal choice or consequence. As I continue to convalesce, I watch the clouds changing shape outside my window. This morning I 'saw' a sad face in a cloud, all turned down mouth, sitting upon a white shaped tide underneath ... and because of my recent epiphany -- I CHANGED IT. Suddenly, as if by magic ... I choose a different Self to see it: I saw a dolphin swimming on a white tide, dancing its arc in the sky. Compliments? The only psychological power over me is those that I CHOOSE to employ, and still its all illusion. A life within a life within the universe of being alive. If my first missive (answer) here is all over the place, it is just how these days are for me, at least in my mind. Most times, I don't have the energy even to compliment myself that I have tried to do the best that I am able. Lung cancer surgery sucks. But I'd rather have had it than be ... gone.
    • iwnit
      @M Moon: a wonderful text, very inspiring.
  • I do my best to notice good things about people and point them out. When people are unable to give them out it's usually for the following reasons: -insecurity, you don't want to give someone an 'edge' over you -jealousy/envy, makes you unable to pay out a compliment -depression, when you just can't SEE the good things -self absorbtion, once again, not being able to recognize the positive in others Usually it's a mix of the above, I know when I'm feeling depressed I'm self absorbed and feel insecure and easily jealous of people. :( These days with less personal interaction it's easier than ever to be negative and not recognize people and the good things they do.
  • You might reconsider your words "why are so many people unable..." This is a "seeing" - and in this seeing, how do you feel? If your response is anything other than "joy," you might let it go....change how you see people...allow people to be who they are....full of compliments or not at all... hint: this "seeing" pits you and everyone that shares your observation against the "non-complimenters" in the world. But, what if there is no such thing you've invented called a non-complimenter? If I were to tell you that this "seeing" promotes delusion and separation in YOU, would you recognize this?
  • I am not sure, but what a wonderful question! :-)
  • maybe theyre shy or they just dont think of it

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