My bf and I are very sexual, and do role play etc. He knows I was sexually abused by my "dad" and he tried to do this same role play. I got totally upset and it turned him on more, he say's I need to do this to confront this & to heal. Is this healthy?

No that is not healthy. He sounds like a sick and twisted prev that needs somebody to do some role play on his ass!!! You do not need to be abusive to you in order for you to heal from something that your dad done to you. I would say go to a professional if you need help with dealing with that. Your BF needs to be an EX BF if it turns him on when you get upset.

Your BF is playing off the fact that you were abused. He knew that re-enacting the abusive experience you had would aggravate your emotions and he got off on THAT part of it. This is a big warning sign of more terrible things to come. I would get rid of this guy and find out what it is you were attracted to him in the first place. There were probably similar personality traits that reminded you of your dad, things that you didn't even realize but now that you can step back will be able to see.

The first part in healing is being able to see things for what they are. This means not being in a relationship for now so you can honestly take a look at yourself.

I wish you luck....and get rid of the bastard.

Sounds to me like he is just taking over your father's role and abusing you as well. That is not how you get over things and your bf is hardly a doctor or even a concerned loved one. He is using you wrongly. quit all the role playing, and just be who you each are. There is plenty of yourself to satisfy in a healthy happy way without adding past pains and bad memories to it.

WTF?! wat kind of sick twisted psyhco are you with?! OMG! girl you need to check your man. Seems like he's going down that same road. No REAL man would disregard the horror you went through for the sake of (twisted) sexual fantacy.A real man would steer away from this topic at all costs(unless it was u that iniciated the conversation and wanted to vent)and would even want to kick your 'dads' ass! Get away from this dude before he rapes you or worse. Run!

sounds like he is someone who needs help and what an excuse saying this is a healthy way to confront it, playing out the same role play episode that your dad did to you. He is enjoying the power and NOT thinking about you. Sex might be good but it's even better with someone who puts you first. Don't be treated this way and better still before tomorrow, practice the role play of showing him the door.

Unless he is a psychiatrist, or has been through it, his veiw points on the subject do not matter. If you dont want to do it, you say no.

Well F#@kin' said!!!! Everyone that's answered to this. That's sick of him to make you re-live that. If he had any respect for you. This is the one game he would not make you play. We all like to "play" but seriously.

Oh dear...that is definitely irrational. There's no way that can be right I do hope I'm right to say this. That must have been one of the most dramatic things to ever happen to you. You should never have to relive that moment, even in a roleplay. A man should want to show you how amazing and how good sex can be, not making you confront something that isn't ok.

you need to confront it in a sense but not like that!
your bf is being very scary and i would worry that he got so into the idea of playing the part of a sexual predator who is attacking his daughter.

I think that your bf is an asshole. This is not something to joke about this has caused you serious pain, and by role playing is just bringing up bad feelings from the past and making you relive them. If he is truly getting off on this than he is a sick person. I think that he needs to go through counseling to get a better understanding or I would be worried that he would try to do this to his daughter. Any event I think that you need to stay away from him and find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Good Luck!

no I think he is being insensitive. It has to be equally fun for all involved. He is not considering your feelings. I know I was molested too. If he is getting turned on by your obvious display of hurtful emotions, he needs help. He should get counseling.

Reading this, what is screaming in my head is: Control issues!
Firstly - he wants to control you, by getting you to do what he wants (next thing he will say is: if you really loved me you would do it)
Secondly - if he displays such an interest in child abuse issues, and this really turns him on, what will be be like if you both have children together?

So - is he turned on by the thought of child abuse? or is he turned on by the idea of controlling you?

In both cases, it does not seem that you are in an equal andloving relationship. Respect for one another at all times.

No it's sick and twisted. He has no idea what you "need" in order to move past what happenend to you. My opinion is that you are recreating the traumatic experience over and over as a way of coping, you have seeked out and are attracted to men that will abuse you because that is what you learned. It's not your truth though, you need to tell yourself you deserve happiness and goodness, and deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

He needs his ass kicked for doing that. That's disgusting, perverse and heartless. Maybe you need to reconsider your choice in a partner. That's sick.

It's not only unhealthy it's dangerous. He senses your vulnerability and is using you. This is not love. You really need therapy, believe me it's the best way to go and will help you grow. Meanwhile, if you cna't end this relationship, at least end these sex 'games' that sound joyless and sinister.

No that isn't healthy. I'm sorry you had to go through that again. It worries me a little too that he was turned on when it upset you. He isn't thinking of your feelings at all.

No VERY unhealthy. You do need to confront and deal with this but with a counselor and the right way, your bf's idea of confronting this will be more harmful than good.

i think he is looking at this all wrong. he needs to help you get over it, thats for sure, but not like this. he needs to show you love not hate to help you any idiot could see that.

Before you submit to his jaded pyschological diagnosis, I'd go see a professional. Your BF is a twisted individual. He's using this as a way to promote his own perverted fantasies....Be careful who you take advice from especially when it comes to your mental health.

no he's cruel!

If your boyfriend thinks that reenacting an abnormal, dysfunctional sexual trauma is therapeutic or restorative then you need a new boyfriend.

It's like saying that a mugging victim needs to reenact the mugging to heal from it.

It's ridiculous.

i think that if you are involved in role plays with him, it might be natural for him to try things that disturb you. in this case, i wonder how much of his turn on could be fueled by his passion for you or by the intensity of your reaction during that role play. if he's half the man that i hope to be, he will listen to you, respect your wishes, stay with you and help you to heal ... no, healing doesn't always mean confronting those past boogies ... the first thing we've gotta do when beginning to heal is to develop the skills needed to cope with our past and to successfully manuever throughout life ... we've gotta show ourselves respect, deal effectively and soundly with others, identify goals and strategies ... it sounds like talking with a peer counselor, say, another woman who went through childhood abuse might also be helpful. best of luck!

This is totally wrong. He clearly has some issues of his own if he likes to see you in fear. I was abused by my grandfather and my boyfriend sometimes mentions it when he wants to upset me and I know how that feels. Role play should always be something enjoyable for the both of you. If you feel you do need some help then you could get some very good advice from proffessionals. Good luck.

he should not be pressuring you into something like this. doing this will not help you heal... quite the opposite. however being able to would indicate that you had healed.

Not to play the devils advocate or anything. But there are certain methods that counsellors use that follow these same basic guidelines.

But being that he is not a trained or licensed therapist or sexual counsellor... Im certain that this is being done more for his gratification than for your benefit and that is sick.

That being said. Your emotional and mental ability to make sense of things depends on if it will heal you or hurt you to do so.

Some people have the ability to take situations and make them work for their benefit. No matter what they are. But these things have to be always and only on YOUR terms in order for them to work in your favor or not. To heal an abuse situation you being in control would be the healing factor... Otherwise you are simply reinacting your own weakness for his amuesement as he is probably an abuser...

Its like an abuse victim becoming a dominant sexual partner between two CONSENTUAL adults that both understand and make sense of their situations to gain some insight into the feeling of being on theother end of the abuse to gain control over their lost power in the act of being abused.

but it doesn't sound from what you have said that this is the case. He just seems like an oppurtunistic asshole quite frankly. And you really need to rid yourself of this type of man.

Abuse victims are 10 times more likely to fall for the lines of yet another abuser as your mind has sort of become accustomed to love... in relation to abuse, rather than finding someone who will not treat you like that and put yourself out of your own comfort zone.

No, if it was me i would break up with him.

Absolutely not! No!!!!

If your boyfriend is turned on by your pain, it's time for you to find someone new. He needs to understand that it's not "roleplaying" for you, but REAL pain.

Healing will not come from replaying pain over and over until you have become desensitized and used to feeling the genuine anguish. I'd recommend a good counselor, and a new approach to sex. One that involves you being you, and having a loving and caring partner who likes that and enjoys you being you, not one who fantasizes about you being abused and enjoys causing you pain.

the first wstep of healing is to say to him **** off and find someone normal

Healthy no, its not healthy for you to be "forced" to confront those issues, and it is not healthy for him to get off (turned on) by playing this game and its not healthy for your relationship.

How you confront sexual abuse is to go to a therapist where in a controlled non-sexual environment you work on the emotions that the abuse caused and still causes. Reliving the experience via roll playing in this line is NOT conducive to good health.

Sounds like he was acting out his fantasy to dominate someone and sexual abuse them. He’s the one who needs help.

Role play can be very thereputic, but should be used with caution. In cases where there is evidence of past abuse, a professional psychologist should be present to manage the feelings role play will evoke. My recommendation is that you not do role play of this nature without a trained psychologist present.

Totally perversive in nature! He is using a dangerous underlying technique of psychology to make it seem as if he were actually helping you expell this horrible life experience with your dad. Anyone who is attempting to help you will not use a sexual method to do so. Sex is something that is thought within the mind and that is also the culprit of emotional abuse, its all in the mind of the abuser. Not only does he need psychological help but you do as well. All the role playing is based on you trying to get attention for your sexual ability, and to acheive control of a person by playing out their sexual fantasy, where later on in time they begin to fantasize about more intense sadistic fantasies that often include children.

nope not healthy. your abuse was real. he should be understanding and considerate. you need a new bf if he insists on doing this to you for his own gratification.

He's subjugating you,(making you a slave) and is getting you for all it's worth, thinking you'll "need" him more for the underlying abuse he's having so much fun with. Give him salt peter in his food and send him on his way !!!

consult a psychiatrist or psychologist

break up with him, pronto. Ur boyfriend is a freak and wants to see how it feels to rape someone wait, did i say that right? yes i did and if u want to be one of his toys and just excite him to the point of him not even caring about u wanting to stop then go on and continue that relationship. but if u want o be respected then find someone who knows that the best for u is to forget about whatever happened with ur father, not re-live it.

To answer your question, no it's not healthy. This is a very dangerous game to play from an emotional standpoint. Have you ever considered counseling? I had a friend who had been sexually abused by her father from about five years old. She eventually moved out of state. She was a different person. She was so much happier not dealing with her family. You need someone to talk to professionally. I was also molested as a child by a family member. You need a person (BF) who is supportive, not one who will further abuse you. The fact that you are very sexual is evidence that you were sexually molested as a child. Not that you are but...promiscuity is also very prevalent with people who have been sexually abused as children.

No!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!
What is he like? That is so wrong on so many levels and he is playing on your past experiences for his sexual pleasure. You are being abused all over again. You are not now the helpless little girl you were. Now you have power and control. Take it for crying out loud and tell him to stop or walk away. Your boyfriend is either not very bright, manipultaive or downright abusive - even if it is wrapped up as sex games. Ask yourself what sort of man would get sexual pleasure from seeing you upset and hurting. Why are you with him???????? Deal with yourself sweetheart, the relationship you chose to put yourself in tells me that you are still being a victim and reacting to your past. Please stop it now, for your own sake

My wife had the sanme thing happen to her..and no u dont..drop the scumbag. he apparently has some "issues"

I am also into sexual roleplay and have some fantasies that involve abuse, but that is really not the way to do it. To confront and heal from it (if you even think you need to address it) you could talk to a friend or counsellor or something. As far as he is concerned, you might ask yourself "what is his idea of healing from this?" is it when you are no longer bothered by the roleplay at all, or is it when you are turned on by it? because both responses are not normal, given your past experience. also, even in roleplay, there is such a thing as respecting limits. i suggest you dump his ass, fast. not just for trying it the first time, but for deliberately trying to manipulate you in a way that is potentially very hurtful to you, and not respecting your wishes.

It sounds to me like he's bullying you.That's not the way to deal with the issue. +4

What a twisted bastard. Run. And quickly.

"Facing up" to it like that can cause serious damage. Seek professional help. And for f***s sake, find a new boyfriend!

No. He is giving you a line. He does not care for your healing; he only wants you to satisfy his fantasies. Next time he tells you that you "need" to do that, you can reply that you need to leave him.

No this is NOT at all healthy & it's frankly the last thing you need to do to heal. What the f**k is wrong with blokes today acting like complete and utter arseholes to their girlfriends. If he can’t see why what he's done has upset you then get rid of!!!

This is not a healthy relationship

I was sexually abused by my step dad also and it hurts me down to my soul just to rethink it in my head let alone roll play...

no it's definately not healthy. this is only a perversive way of getting off on a bad situation. if your boyfriend thinks that reinacting the scene of child molestation is okay, i don't think that having kids with him would be a good idea because his morals are definatelty in the wrong place. he might possibly go as far as molest your kids in the future. you have to keep things like that in mind.

No. He shouldn't do that. He's saying that for his own personal pleasures. It's not right.

Maybe he's turned on by your "helplessness or powerlessness"; he's a sick puppy if that's the case. I don't have all the in's and out's of your role-playing, but there are other methods of de-sensitizing from a traumatic experience. I would strongly suggest that you be on your own and find yourself which, in time, would allow you to know who you are and what's right for you. Have you considered counseling? If you stay, it says alot about you . . . If you don't like how it feels, be responsible for your own feelings and let him know, or let him go.