its really simple: in BDSM there is mutual respect. in abuse there isn't.

I think that when you take what happens in the bedroom or fun room into more aspects of the relationship it could be a bad thing. It all depends on how far and how much you live the lifestyle. I always felt it was best kept just during sex and it was not healthy to have a relationship like that unless you were committed to the lifestyle. If you are living the lifestyle is it understood by both of you that it is a lifestyle. If you are living with just a dominate man and you are submissive then that is wrong. The lifestyle has rules to follow that make it work. If both of you are just winging it because he has a dominate personality and you are submissive then you both are probably making huge mistakes in the relationship. Their has to be rules and boundaries that both agree to. Remember this is not the days of old were a man is king of his castle and allowed to mistreat others. The lifestyle has specific rules to protect the sub. I suggest that you learn all about this by reading about it on the internet. There are web sites dedicated to this and they will provide you with how to go about living that lifestyle. Just winging it is not good and unacceptable. It sounds like you are more inclined to separate the two. Which to me sounds right as I am very dominate but do not believe in living that lifestyle. Some do but it has to be their choice and I respect people who make a choice, it's really none of my business. You are questioning and wondering. When you go full lifestyle then you need to find new friends. Your old ones will not approve nor understand since they have their own beliefs and philosophies that would probably not mesh with yours. As you even said they are judgemental and that to me is a sign of the unenlightened and ignorant. I am somewhat familiar with your situation and understand it. I am no expert on it and I would again recommend you find one and follow some if not most of their teachings. With the woman's movement and woman's lib, I doubt many women would agree with that lifestyle outside the bedroom. As for your friends, I guess part of the reason you are wondering at all about your friends is your need for approval from them, which could be connected with your submissiveness. Those are things you might want to work out with a therapist unless your Dom is totally understanding, which I doubt since you are coming here to ask questions about it. It's really necessary for you to become in touch with yourself and understand your own feelings, needs and desires. The why has to be answered somewhat to know were some of those boundaries might be. In other words you have to understand your own feelings and put them in perspective for you to know what the boundaries are and how far your Dom can go. If you felt abused in anyway that means you were. It's an individuals perception and nobody else can make that judgment. The bottom line is happiness, if you are not happy about it, change it. Have specific boundaries so that your Dom understands them and respects them. That is what a true Dom does or should do. It's about respect, he must respect you and you must know when to say the word whatever it is. If you don't know what I'm talking about you really need to learn about this type of lifestyle. If you didn't you are going to be in for a surprize. Most people have no clue and are under misconceptions about the whole BDSM thing.

The line is what you and your man decide it is. Have a secret code word, like "popcorn," to indicate that you want the exercise to stop, now. Other than that, it is what ever the two of you want it to be.