by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on January 31st, 2008

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What would you do if you're violent ex-husband broke out of jail and was coming for you? How would you protect yourself and your kids? This is a REAL situation.
I'm sorry, I don't know which category this belongs to - so it's here.

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Answers. 7 helpful answers below.

by kazzzy on January 31st, 2008
Call the police now and ask them for advice and help. If he is a fugitive, they will be interested in getting him back into jail as soon as possible. The police may also be able to get you into contact with a women's shelter where you can be safe until they catch him. Prayers for you and good luck.
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- Thanks kazzy, the police know all about it. Bless you - I'll pass it on.
  
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  by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on January 31st, 2008
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by Arisztid on January 31st, 2008
Would the police be willing to be on alert for your 911 call? Is there somewhere you can go for protective custody? This can be arranged with the police.

At the VERY least, be as secure as you can, have your telephone within immediate reach, utilize any security measures possible. Pepper spray might not be a bad idea.

He has broken the law by whatever he did and by breaking out of jail.

They would have to think that you are going to be his prime target.

Gods help you.
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- She doesn't wan't to be 'jailed' herself, although that is an obvious solution. I think she's got a gun! Thanks for your answer Arisztid.
  
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  by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on January 31st, 2008
- Oy this sounds like a miserable situation. I am glad it is not you!
  .
  If he breaks into her house under the current situation and she shot him dead, I think the police would not be as harsh with it. If they know he is already a threat, I think that breaking and entering would be justification for shooting.
  .
  I am being stalked. My stalker issued a death threat. I was told by the FBI that if he enters my home I am going to face light to no legal repercussions for taking his gun from him and killing him with it.
  .
  However, that varies from state to state and I would suggest that she check with her police.
  
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  by Arisztid on January 31st, 2008
- OK! :) I think she'd be quite pleased to hear that!
  .
  Sorry about your situation though - I hope it's resolved without blooshed. I'm sure we all think we could handle it under justifiable circumstances, but for me, the aftermath would be too much too bear.
  
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  by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on January 31st, 2008
- Do not take my word for it because I do not know the laws in her State. Please ask her to speak with the police.
  .
  I could stare into my stalker's eyes, smile at him, and shoot him between the eyes. After he was dead, the police called, and body taken away I would party like there was no tomorrow and sleep like a baby. However, I have faced three years of torment at his hands.
  .
  I hope your friend does not have to go to extremes.
  
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  by Arisztid on January 31st, 2008
- Oh I think she'd do it quite happily, as you describe! She has a gun.
  
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  by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on February 1st, 2008
- I do not have a gun but my stalker does. What I have is 15 years of martial arts training, including training in disarming attackers with guns, and a deep seated hatred to back it up.
  .
  But please ask your friend to speak with the police before taking any of my advice. :)
  
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  by Arisztid on February 1st, 2008
- I'm sure she would certainly have taken any advice necessary. thank you so much for you concern. I'll make sure she sees your comments. :)
  
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  by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on February 1st, 2008
- :)
  
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  by Arisztid on February 1st, 2008
- Thanks and I do have a few guns handy, but I'm loathe to use them even on him. I'd worry too much about the impact on the kiddies. So far so good, but the situation has escalated a bit recently.
  
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  by graduated pixie getting pissed on February 6th, 2008
- How involved are the police in this?
  
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  by Arisztid on February 6th, 2008
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by Darth Continent on January 31st, 2008
I'd consider renting a hotel room for a few weeks and meanwhile ask a neighbor to keep an eye on your house and see if anyone looking like your ex drops by.

May not be a bad idea to be proactive and get a stun gun or mace or some other personal defense type of item as well as a last resort. Probably would also be good to sign up for a home security service so that any intrusions would trigger an alarm and get the police sent over right away.
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- All excellent bits of advice, thanks DC.
  
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  by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on January 31st, 2008
- Good luck! I'm by no means an expert in dealing with this kind of situation, but if you haven't already another suggestion would be get yourself a lawyer to file a restraining order if necessary, and ask friends to check up on you periodically so that if you're not reachable when expected they can send out a posse to look for you.
  
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  by Darth Continent on January 31st, 2008
- Fortunately her mother's got the law bit in hand, but I don't think a restraining order will stop him. The one thing she will not do is go underground and hide. Remain visible at all times!
  
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  by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on February 1st, 2008
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by graduated pixie getting pissed on February 6th, 2008
Thanks for this Mimi. I love ya. I have no spare cash for hotels. I just moved here to get away from the jerk (before they caught him the first time) and now the people who arrested him the first time thought it was a good idea to post my address here on the net, and he of course saw it. I'm basically waiting for the crap to hit the fan. I have managed to get the kids situated with a friend until this gets resolved in the mean time I get to once again play bait for a psycho. I'm more angry that this is happening again than anything else. I just got really upset when I first found out because I was blindsided by it. Now I'm ready to fight. Did I mention I was pissed.
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- Pixie, I can't tell you how glad I am that you decided to post your own own response to this question. Now they can see the real person this is happening to, as only you can really answer their questions.
  As you can see, the people here are concerned for your well-being, but it's difficult to give a true picture of the situation.
  Do you know, the longer this goes on, the more angry *I* get! I know I said I wouldn't wield a gun, but I feel I'd happily blow his head off, closely followed by the bungling law men who let him know where you were!
  (x)
  
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  by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on February 6th, 2008
- Frankly I'm so tired of the whole dang thing it's hard for me to get worked up over the idiot anymore. I'm still being cautious and all but I just don't have the energy to get upset. I'm still having treatments and all for my kidneys but I don't think they are working very well anymore. They've put me on the donor list now. I'm waiting for test results from my brother. Hopefully he's a match.
  
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  by graduated pixie getting pissed on February 13th, 2008
- see this is what I mean! Not only are you having to deal with that SOB of an ex and the shit heads who let him get out, but you're ill as well! Plus a new job and I just don't know how you're coping, after all the upheaval you've had...
  I hope it's good new from your brother. How long before how know?
  
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  by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on February 13th, 2008
- hmmm my brother's a match after all. We are working on geting a surgery scheduled to harvest one of his kidneys and have it checked then transplant it to me. I'm thinking I'll only have to take off a month or so from work to get it done. If all goes well of course.
  
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  by graduated pixie getting pissed on February 20th, 2008
- yey! :) oh fantastic - fingers crossed babe! :))
  
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  by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on February 21st, 2008
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by We miss our girl! on February 1st, 2008
First of all I'd try to get a room somewhere or stay with a friend. If you can't afford to get a room, find out if there are any options where you could get a room paid for for you. Some agency must do something like that. Also, when my ex-husband broke out of a mental institution there was a cop sitting outside my mother's house for several days without us even asking. (I lived in another state at the time, but the ex didn't know that) Do you know any men who would be willing to stay at your home? Do you have a dog, or is it possible to go to the pound and find something with a nice bark? Can you make a head and stuff some men's clothes and move it around the house periodically to make it look like there's a man there? (sit it at the table, on the couch, etc) Can you get someone to install some motion detector lights around your home? Home alarm? Even those cheapy alarms that you stick on your doors and windows and they go off when the magnetic connection is broken...those really do work. At least until you can get a real alarm system installed. (or if you can't afford it) Put noisy stuff by the doors/windows that will make a lot of noise when the door is opened or someone comes through a window (pots and pans, etc). put sticks in the windows so they can't be opened (cut to fit broom handles work great) make sure bushes are trimmed down so nobody can hide behind them. make sure to lock the car door immediately when you get in. (house doors, too) I know a lot of this is little stuff, but it can help! Oh, go to a gun store or sporting goods store and get a can of mace, and get one of those things that when you press the button it makes a really loud noise. Good luck!
Comments
- Jen, this is a brilliant and thoughtful answer. I like the idea of dummy men - and no puns this time. She has brothers who are on hand, and her home is as secure as it can be.
  Additional security can never hurt though, and the noise-makers would scare the shit out of him, let alone her!
  She has a gun, so that's - ummmm... ok I suppose (British!), and so the rest is up to the police...
  Thank you very much for such a detailed response. I'll make sure she see it.
  
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  by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on February 1st, 2008
- I have a gun, so I personally think that's great as long as she knows how to use it, and more importantly isn't afraid to use it if necessary. It's not to smart to have one if you won't use it. I didn't mention that because so many people here seem to get offended by it!
  
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  by We miss our girl! on February 1st, 2008
- Well, I live in the UK, and it's not the norm to hold a gun permit - it's usually only farmers and landowners, and people who are into "that kind of thing". But I know how important it is to you, it's your right and you feel strongly about it. And I believe that she's quite capable of using a shotgun, but hopefully it won't come to that!
  
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  by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on February 1st, 2008
- I hope not, too!
  
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  by We miss our girl! on February 2nd, 2008
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by Sharona Life is a Tale Told by an Idiot on June 10th, 2009
Get yourself somewhere, anywhere, that he cannot trace. Get a gun. Learn how to protect yourself. You cannot depend on law enforcement to care about you as much as you do. Too many people have been slaughtered by trusting their lives to someone else. This is your life, your kids. Act as if. Don't play victim any longer. Fear of him will kill you.
Comments
- Thanks for your answer, Sharona. Trouble is, I live in the UK and guns are not the norm here. At least, they weren't... Times, they are a-changing...
  I asked this question on behalf of a friend who has (kind of)the situation sorted out now, and she lives in the US, so although your answer's relevant it's a little out of date! Anything could've happened in the last - jeez! 18 months!! (almost).
  Happily, she's a very capable and feisty lady, and can handle a gun as well as herself, and she has several burly brothers who take care of her. But for a while, she was terrified, and needed help.
  Thanks again. Much appreciated. :)
  
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  by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on June 16th, 2009
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by chocolate monster has left the building on February 2nd, 2008
Hey Mimi I hope this isn't you...I would move for a while I think...surround myself with family and friends. I would also take a crash course in self defence and make sure my house had all mod con securities fitted....a big dog on steriods with razor sharp teeth might be on my list too x
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- Oh I love the dog on steriods - that's the best yet!
  No, CM, it's not me, and I think the lady in question has all the bases covered, but additional suggestions are always welcome and yours is something special.
  Thank you. :)
  
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  by Mimi..smiling...there is no Option Two.. on February 2nd, 2008
- your welcome hun...relieved its not you tho...hope your friend is ok :D
  
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  by chocolate monster has left the building on February 3rd, 2008
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What would you do if you're violent ex-husband broke out of jail and was coming for you? How would you protect yourself and your kids? This is a REAL situation.
I'm sorry, I don't know which category this belongs to - so it's here.

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What would you do if you're violent ex-husband broke out of jail and was coming for you? How would you protect yourself and your kids? This is a REAL situation. I'm sorry, I don't know which category this belongs to - so it's here.

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What would you do if you're violent ex-husband broke out of jail and was coming for you? How would you protect yourself and your kids? This is a REAL situation.
I'm sorry, I don't know which category this belongs to - so it's here.

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