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by mermaid baby on January 7th, 2008

mermaid baby

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Am i a bad mother because i sometimes wish i didnt have kids? dont get me wrong. i love them. but single mother of 6 and i'm 29 SUCKS! i wish i would have just stayed in school instead of getting married at 16 then later divorced.

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  • by charis on January 7th, 2008

    charis

    i don't think you're a bad mom - but you have to get the self-pity and regret under control for both your sake and the sake of your kids. you made some not so great choices that are tough to live with - but you have to take personal responsibility for those choices and move on. it's not your kids' fault - they're work, and hard work. heck, i have two kids myself (both very high needs) and there are times i think 'wow, things would be so much easier if i didn't have kids' but then immediately after i think about how easy they'd be, i think about how easier isnt' necessarily *better*. they're *worth* the sleepless nights, the endless laundry, the empty bank account. because they're what we leave behind and we have to put everything we can into our kids. they're *NOT* burdens or liabilities - even though that's what society says they are. society says 'hey, you're 29, why are you 'wasting' your life with six kids? you should be out partying with every guy you see!' will those guys be there for you when you're 70 or 80, and you can't walk anymore? would all those party friends invite you to weddings, and births of grandchildren? probably not. you have the greatest treasures that God will ever bestow upon you under your wings right now. don't waste their young years by regretting them and your situation. they go too fast and are far too precious to whittle away in regret and sorrow. that will bring even more regret once they leave the nest.

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  • by VS Angel aka Mrs. Stealth Intelligence on October 21st, 2008

    VS Angel aka Mrs. Stealth Intelligence

    Too bad there wasn't a show like "Wife Swap" for us single ladies.

    I'd LOVE to know what it's like to have a bunch of children and you'd like to know what it's like not to.

    I live in a big, quiet, empty house and you must live in a home filled with giggles and love.

    I'd be willing to bet that if we traded lives for a week, you'd be so happy to return to a HOME instead of a HOUSE.

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  • by Penny The Wise on January 7th, 2008

    Penny The Wise

    No, your thoughts and feelings are your own, and you can feel however you want. That doesn't make you a bad mom. Though, if you end up taking it out on them and treating them like you don't want them- then I would have to say that is not exactly exemplary motherhood.
    And good luck- single mom with 6 kids! You must have the patience of a saint!!

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  • by Patti jo on January 7th, 2008

    Patti jo

    No you are not a bad mom , you sound like you just needed to vent , which is ok and normal

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  • by lostupsouth on January 7th, 2008

    lostupsouth

    You have a lot on your hands! To be married and have so many children so young, I can't imagine! I am 27 and have 2 girls and they can be an absolute handful! I think all moms can empathize with you on this one.

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  • by Yarnlady is happy every day on January 7th, 2008

    Yarnlady is happy every day

    It's very common for people to blame their circumstances during times of stress. My best friend sometimes thinks she is a bad person because she never had kids, and has to spend many holidays and vacations alone. I always let her borrow mine.

    You can always go back to school. I finished my college education when my first son went to college. I went too.

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  • by AnonymousGirl on January 7th, 2008

    AnonymousGirl

    No. You're not a bad mom. You just need a break sometimes. 6 kids and a single mom? That's a lot of stress right there. I think my mom feels the same way as you sometimes and she's had more. I hope she doesn't feel like a bad mom, though. She's just great! I'm sure you are, too. :)

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  • by Mushen on January 7th, 2008

    Mushen

    of course you're not - your normal and we all get fed up with our kids from time to time. Got any mates you could go to see or out for a drink with?

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  • by Conscious Chick on January 7th, 2008

    Conscious Chick

    A lot of mothers wish they had the opportunity to go back and further their education and their careers. There is nothing wrong with this at all, in fact, if anything now you know how to prevent your children from making the same mistakes.

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  • by exgirlfriend on November 18th, 2008

    exgirlfriend

    You are not a bad Mom....you are simply......HUMAN -- good luck!

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  • by laurie-loo on January 7th, 2008

    laurie-loo

    I know how you feel and I have 3 daughters and a husband, I think I would cope much better sometimes if I were on my own! Enjoy your children, you have the most important job to do in the world(as do I and millions of other women so dont feel on your own there!) and to do it single handed is tough, but at least you are the decision maker and what you say goes! 15 years may seem like an eternity, but 15 years put into your childrens lives, these years and what you put into them are what will make your children be who they are when they are older. Ther more interaction, love, understanding, cuddles and so on you provide for them now, the better future they will have, and in my eyes that is the best reward you can possibley get in life! First things first, you really need some time off, having an evening on your own is like refreshing your mind, and then next day you will find that you have a load more energy to cope with day to day life. Make sure you have that time even if it means going through the mill to do it, if you have people around you who is offering their help then accept it! Also what I found really helpful is making a daily routine on a massive piece of paper and put it on the wall, so that the kids know exactly what they are doing and when, and you have to stick to it! be strong, they are very precious! remember that a lot of other mums are feeling what you are feeling, so you are not alone xx

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  • by Peetee on January 7th, 2008

    Peetee

    Like the others say, it's normal. Yes it would be good for you to have a break, though. Isn't your eldest two old enough to look after the other four?
    (I once knew a woman who had 11 kids and said it wasn't too hard because she just divvied up the older kids to look after the younger ones.) You do need to rest every now and then, otherwise you get too miserable, then you can't think straight, then you miss golden opportunities.

    "Every son is an arrow in his father's bow." This was written thousands of years ago. How did we stuff up? When did children change from being an asset to a liability? Yes, they've always been lots of work and 'an extra mouth to feed' but what else has happened?

    Donald Trump was two years old when his dad was taking him onto building sites. It's no wonder he became a zillionaire builder. By the time he was grown up it was second nature. I don't think you could replicate what the Trumps did but it would be better if you could somehow change your thinking.

    Six children, all with their own loves, dreams and ambitions. (Six chances that one will become a zillionaire and look after you in retirement! ;) ) Do you know what their dreams are? Can you find a way to help them to develop their talents? Yes, it will be hard work but you already work hard anyway. Then again, when you know what they love doing, all you have to do is point them in the right direction and they'll sort out the rest.

    I am a single bloke and I want to go back to uni ( and never leave ) when I feel I 'have the time and the money'. On the other hand, my cousin (okay, she is still married) has five kids and has completed a uni degree and a PhD, amongst other things. I thought she was a miracle worker! Okay, her house does look 'lived in', and then I found out that the grandparents chip in with alot of baby sitting. Aaahh, that explains it. Still alot of hard work though, of course but I still feel humbled by knowing what she has done.

    I guess I'm saying, there is no easy way but things can be done. You do need time out, and I hope you can find some, somehow, because you really do need the rest to restore yourself. Treasure your kids, because they really are like a treasure chest, if only you can find the right combination to open that chest.

    Throw away the TV if you can. Make them create their own fun.

    Wish I could be of better help, sorry I can't, but best wishes for the future.

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  • by Smile loves California on November 5th, 2008

    Smile loves California

    It sounds like you regret not finishing school, rather that not wanting your kids. Find a way to finish, take one course at a time. The better you feel about yourself, the better you feel about those around you. Continuing education is much easier to get into than as a recent highshcool graduate.

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  • by Lion Heart sleeps on November 5th, 2008

    Lion Heart sleeps

    well think it the other way. mothers are never bad to their children. give them everything you can give, surely they will love and respect you.

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  • by Gapcoffee on November 5th, 2008

    Gapcoffee

    Just out of curiosity, where is their father? Either he or the extended family should be able to give you some relief and support. Otherwise, look for community outreach center that may have resources to help out. At 29, you have a lot on your plate. Set your priorities and enjoy every moment you can but don't forget to steal some for yourself too!

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  • by chelle on May 27th, 2008

    chelle

    hi im glad u asked this question i was going to ask it! i know people say im too young but im 17 and im a single mum. i have been since day one. i know hoe hard it is but i feel the same way as u explained the way u feel. sometimes we just want a bit of freedom? do u feel the same? sometimes i wish i didnt have my daughter bronte. but then i think about what it would be like not to have her and i think it would break my heart. you ARE NOT a bad mother for thinking these things we all go through it to this day i still feel like i cant do anything but its fadind away slowly but its fading. hope this somehow helps. keep ur chin up X ur doing a great job

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  • by Doggie S on January 23rd, 2008

    Doggie S

    Maybe it's just a stage. All people go through that: I wish I never had this, I wish I was not like that blah blah.

    What's important is that you love your kids. You're not a bad mother if that's the case.

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  • by FF-Ninja on January 23rd, 2008

    FF-Ninja

    No your definately not a bad mum, i can't imagine what it must be like having 6 kids though...sounds tough.
    Your in this situation now and theres nothing that can turn back time...time is a bitch we all know that but you have to make the most of it, everybody regrets doing alot of things in there lives, having children is a common one

    So basically be happy with what you've got, try not to look back on things that could have happened and help your children become great people by giving them a life and living it with them!!

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  • by Pinky123 on January 7th, 2008

    Pinky123

    I feel the same way i am also 29 and a single mother of 3, I got married when i was 18. I have talked to lot of single moms and they all feel like that.But of course we love our children, being a single mother is the hardest thing to go through no one understands unless you are going through it.The way i think about it, is we will still be young when they are old.

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  • by laurie-loo on January 7th, 2008

    laurie-loo

    If you ever need a friendly person to talk to, then please get intouch. :)

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  • by Anonymous on January 7th, 2008

    Anonymous

    It does not make you a bad mother but you made bad choices. I can understand that you feel overwhelmed and frustrated but they are your children and it is up to you to educate them as best you can so they don't make the same mistakes.

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  • by Music_lover on November 20th, 2009

    Music_lover

    I think there are alot of people that would feel blessed to have 6 kids, because children are a blessing even when things are not always easy. I myself thought that I would never be able to have children. Long story short... I ended up having 3 of my own and I also have my brother's 3 most of the time and every one of them is a blessing though, it is not always easy because 2 of mine are special needs kids.I love being a mom, I Absolutely LOVE it !!! By the way , I am also a single parent.

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  • by jlo on October 27th, 2009

    jlo

    I feel you i too am a mother of a 14 year old son and 9 year old daughter and im 32 years old my son was born when i was 17. I also feel that way i do love my kids but often think my life might have been better without them because i get so stressed at times.Well i can tell you this im not having anymore i just dont think kids are for me whether im rich or poor but they are here now all we can do is love them and protect them because they didnt ask to come here. Every single parent has bad times.

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  • by im just a girl. on May 29th, 2008

    im just a girl.

    it's normal to feel overwhelmed with your life. sa long as you dont take it out on your kids. as child whose mom did that to me trust me it only gets worse as the child ages and it never goes away.they live with what you say for thier lives they "becaome" waht you say to them. I dont thik you take it out on them and the fact that you are still sain .LOL. some days my 3 year old i jsut dont see how many ppl do it with anymore tehn one . as i read i saw that you tried to go with friends but, had problems finding a sitter. well, i know that you dont know me from adam and if you live near by, i'd love to help you out with your kids.

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  • by sherri on October 21st, 2008

    sherri

    I sometimes wish that 2!! I'm not a single parent( some of the time anyway) and i have 3 children. I think you may find that the majority of mothers feel that way at some point i don't think that for that reason we are bad mothers. xx

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  • by been there on October 24th, 2008

    been there

    Every "single" parent and also parents, have asked the same question. What you have to be careful of is HOW you ask this wish - because if you allow this thought to linger - your kids will pick right up on it!

    Are you a bad Mom - not at all !

    But you are in a great position to really help your children soon make "that" difficult decision. You have the knowledge and experience to pass on to them -
    (Depending on what their ages are - share with them)

    The problem your having, is that you were one of the famous "kids having kids" people. Way to young and not having the chance to live life first. Then you went a tad further and had 6 children - So you stared with a double whammy, and it is too easy to fall into the self-pity trap -

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  • by VenusRising on October 24th, 2008

    VenusRising

    6 kids and a single mom !!!!! I would have a breakdown. Far from being a bad mom I think your amazing for being able to cope. I think it's natural to wonder what if things had been different. I just hope the x contibutes to thier lives.

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  • by HOUSTONLONELY on May 27th, 2008

    HOUSTONLONELY

    No I do not think you are a bad mother at all. i give you credit for raisin 6 kids on your own. I have 2 boys and they do drive me crazy .. and you shouldnt feel bad, cause I believe all of us single mothers had felt that way beore.... like man I wish i was single / and no kids,,,,, but I totally agree with
    ( Charis ) " Don't waste their young years by regretting them and your situation. they go too fast and are far too precious to whittle away in regret and sorrow. that will bring even more regret once they leave the nest." is so true....

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  • by Krystan on May 27th, 2008

    Krystan

    My god No! are you kidding me? 6 kids??? I would be in an asylum. I give you a thumbs wayyyy up for making it this long. I would imagine that you could use some time to yourself. Though I am sure that is hard with 6 children. I have one 2 yo and often have thoughts like that when things get out of hand. But I know deep inside that he is part of me and I would never go back and change the course I took. If you think you may be depressed you should seek help, raising so many children weighs on your mental stability.


    Now when ever I feel like things are tough I am going to think of you and how you are raising 6 children, you are in inspiration...and those Jon and Kate plus 8 people :P

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  • by Dolly8282 on August 9th, 2010

    Dolly8282

    Many Mothers go threw the same thing its called regreat. But just imagen for a secound what life would be like if you COULDNT have kids and you really really wanted them. Their are many of us out there who cant even have 1 let alone 6. Im not trying to make you feel bad im just showing you how much of a blessing you have 6 amazing blessings.

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  • by TomishaC on August 9th, 2010

    TomishaC

    You are not a bad mother. I feel the exact same way. I have two boys that I love and take really good care of. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about the life I gave up everyday. What if I had gotten the abortion and gone to college instead of getting married at 17 and following my husband and the military around only for him to walk out later? I wish everyday that I didn't have children, but I could never leave them and not be there to take care of them. It's more like, "If I don't, who will?" I don't like to regret my children, but I have always felt cheated, because I was not the one who even wanted the children in the first place, and now all the responsibility is on me and it isn't fair. So I know how you feel. I wish I could give some words of encouragement or try to make you feel better. All I know is that they won't be little forever. And as they get a little older, you'll find that you have a little more breathing room.

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  • by ejigur11 on September 10th, 2010

    ejigur11

    ther's always adoption, you can still get your life back,!!!!

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  • by -_You Can Leave Your Hat On....- on October 24th, 2008

    -_You Can Leave Your Hat On....-

    youre just an honest person, dont worry your 'day will come and you can be out there, getting on with self satisfaction ha!

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  • by asweetguy4u2know saya R.I.P Nelson on October 24th, 2008

    asweetguy4u2know saya R.I.P Nelson

    If it does then that makes me a bad Dad. My son just turned 21 on the 5th of this month and he has been a challange since his birth. There have been many times I wish he was never born. Especially when he hit his teens and got involved with drugs and stuff. But I know I have tried my very best to be a good dad and tried to teach him God's way.

    I think all parents think that at some point or another in their life. I bet you are a fantastic mom to thos kids and do your very best to give them all the love they could ever ask for and that alone makes you a good mom.

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  • by Aradia on November 5th, 2008

    Aradia

    Awwies honey... i understand you completely.. i am 28 and i have five all by myself.. it is very hard and stressful.. but we both know we can't change the past and even if we could we would never want to lose these bundles of joy that we have, even though sometimes they arent so joyful i know!
    ~huggles~

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  • by Clementyne on November 18th, 2008

    Clementyne

    No you arent a bad mother but instead of focusing on the past you need to focus on the present and future. You cannot change the fact that you are 29 with 6 kids, but you can take steps to help allievate the stress and making the best of what you have.

    Find a hobby, activity, single parent group or something that is just for you...something that makes you happy, and make sure to do it regularly. I am part of a group for single mothers...we email..converse on the phone...have playdates and once a mother we arrange a moms night out and go to a movie or to dinner or something like that. It is one of the best things I have ever done. It gives me the opportunity to be a "grown up" and I am able to enjoy motherhood that much more!

    Best of luck to you!

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  • by wildchild on November 18th, 2008

    wildchild

    rest assured, you are not the only person who feels this way. It doesn't matter how many kids you have or how you got there...kids are a full time commitment that will often have you wondering how you got yourself into that situation. I have 3, also a single mother...love my kids and couldn't live with out them, but there are times I have wondered what it would be like to be single...what kind of things I would have done if I had stayed single and childless a bit longer. Also, just fyi, I have several friends who are in they 30's going on 40's who are currently single and childless and they all wish they had started having children sooner. It's kind of that grass is greener thing.

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  • by patio4it (tumblr) on December 1st, 2008

    patio4it (tumblr)

    If you have time for a job as well it's no problem. It's your life.

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  • by Anonymous on November 5th, 2008

    Anonymous

    that has nothing to do with good or bad it has to do with making right choices. to me - married at 16? wrong choice. 6 kids? wrong choice. no education? wrong choice. as long as you provide for your children and give them a chance to have good lives you are a good mother, who made wrong choices.

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  • by Deigh012 on November 5th, 2008

    Deigh012

    No - your not a bad MOM. . . I recommend a book "REAL MOMS" by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykenfdall. . . It helped me (mom of 3 with a work-a-holic husband) to get over the clutter in my house, the feelings of inadequacy and the occasional bouts of wishful thinking or playing the "what if game". . .

    "Back Cover:
    Product Description
    The authors show moms how to break down the barriers to being real, which leads to self acceptance, intimacy in relationships with others, and with God.

    From the Back Cover
    Mom! Get Real . . . and Get Free!

    Are you tired of constantly trying—and failing—to be a perfect mom? Stop beating yourself up and let the truth about motherhood set you free! Real Moms debunks the “good mom” fallacies that have weighed you down by giving you some liberating “real mom” truths. This book punctures such mothering myths as:

    · Good moms look good all the time.
    · Good moms keep everybody happy.
    · Good moms instinctively know what their children need.
    · Good moms take responsibility for how their children turn out.
    · Good moms don’t admit their feelings of guilt or anger or fear—because to admit those feelings might make them look like they are not good moms.

    Each chapter examines a myth and its corresponding reality, and ends with a how-to practical application, a “Real Mom” story, questions for reflection and discussion, and “Real Mom” quotes from Real mothers.

    Wouldn’t you love to be free to accept your imperfections? Free not to feel guilty about your limitations? Free to ask for help, free to be real, free to grow? Freedom is in store for you—freedom to be the best mom you can be. This book will show you the way. "

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  • by Anonymous on October 24th, 2008

    Anonymous

    No, but with six kids I can only imagine how burned out you must be. My mother was a single mother of 4. As an adult I don't know how she pulled it off as well as she did and I got a vasectomy after the second one to ensure I didn't end up with more than I wanted to handle. I intend to instill in my daughters mind the benefits of not having too many kids.

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  • by Ganja_Goddess on November 5th, 2008

    Ganja_Goddess

    Everyone has regrets. But you are the better parent because you are there for your kids! You must be very strong to be doing what you are doing and when your kids are old enough to realize what it took, they will be proud and have utmost respect!

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  • by TATERWADE on November 5th, 2008

    TATERWADE

    i would love to help you very sexy

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  • by Viszon on June 22nd, 2010

    Viszon

    learn to use birthcontrol

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