Dont be such a bitch all the time. take him into the bedroom, lock the door and have raging wild sex with him. Then kill his kid

You can't change people. I do see a problem here. That's difficult. Are you saying he's a pushover and you actually want to see your children behave? I'm trying to understand before I provide you with a more detailed answer.

as the kid of disciplinarian, i kind of think it's a way better policy to take a couple of deep breaths every once in a while and let your kids be free. trust me, kids with overprotective parents do NOT grow up to appreciate it later or anything like that. at best they'll be indifferent to the situation by the time they leave home, and at worst they'll be angry and resentful by the time they get away. i don't have kids yet but i'm 100% positive that when i do they're going to be allowed to do pretty much anything that is legal for them to do, mostly because my parents never compromised with me. it was always their way or no way at all and to this day i resent it. i don't know how old your kids are, and obviously if they're young they do need some sort of guidance, but i do believe that if there is a more laid back relationship between kids and parents, there will be more trust between the two parties. i bet your boyfriend's kids aren't afraid to tell him what they think about issues or about their problems. i never talked to my parents about my problems or anything because i honestly didn't think they really cared. and maybe (probably) they did care, and i do know that they love me and my brother, but i do wish they had been different. my brother still lives at home (he's 15) and he always tells me that "mom and dad are too busy making sure i respect them to care if i love them." (he DOES love them, but i do think he would love them more if things were different) if you and your boyfriend want to meld your two different ways of raising your children, i suggest you just talk about it together. don't ask him to change his methods and don't let him try to change yours. when your children or his children misbehave, you two can talk about the ways you would discipline the children, and find a happy medium. maybe the experiences from his childhood are making him try a different, more modern way with his kids.

That's a tough spot. And there's no short answer. My parents were total disciplinarians. (I feel I should note that the woman that gave birth to me lives a mile from me and I refuse to speak to her. She will not ever see her grandchildren again) My wife's parents were total slackers in the discipline department. We noticed a clash in our parenting styles, so we decided to work completely as a team. Always discuss before reacting. Identify when her strength of softness, or my strength of power are needed and change our tactics for each battle. We always back each other up. I help her be tougher, and she helps me be more relaxed. We have great kids because we work HARD at being consistent and fair disciplinarians, but we also choose our fights and let our children grow into independence and self-reliance.... and because of this, I think our kids will do well in life, and will still talk to us when they're adults.

i understand what you are saying, this is the tough part, for me and for whom ever. it has been my experiece and i'am of a relativley normal canadian household, in that the running of the house and the politics that go with it has been primarily the job of the mothers. and this rule was not set out by men, it was enforced by women. i did'nt make the rules they were laid out long before i came along. and this tradition is not fair, and is old fashioned, but when the discipline was to be laid down it was carried out by the father of the house. the house hold in a perfect world does'nt exist, so i do my part and every one knows their part and most of the time, not all time things run the best as organized chaos can. and yes i appreciate the women in my life. really

It requires a sense of humor and a lot of patience. You make his kids understand that "no" is not an acceptible response to being told to do something. My children haven't refused to do something and said "no" but one or times in their lives. Now they have matured and realize that what I am asking them is really no big deal, and far easier than the discussion over them saying "no". I short circuit when I hear a 7 year old kid yell "NO!" to his Mom or Dad. That shit has got to be under control - and I mean right now. Of course, when you are a disciplinarian, it also requires that you show more affection as well... But that's the part that's worth it. Sorry... I got sidetracked. That's not what you are asking. 5 years ago, my new wife and I melded just such a family. I can tell you with no uncertainty, that it isn't easy. IT IS WORTH IT! though! I found myself frustrated and afraid to discipline her children at first... Until the day came that I realized that they are MY children too. I married my wife AND her children, so it came time to claim them as mine. (And for my wife to claim mine as her's) Over time, your leadership styles will overlap, and the children will end up receiving a good balance of discipline and humor (from the sounds of it). Your goal is going to be for consistent treatment for all of the children. Consistency will make all of the difference.

when parents share different styles of disapline. the kids just work it out so they always get their way. You need to have a heart to heart talk with that guy's ex wife and see why she dumped him with the kids. He has another agenda besides love.

Maybe you should each try the others method. I think he enjoys his because, it keeps him from being stressed, and if you can keep tension away from you and your child relationship you should.