My family never allows me to express any kind of emotional pain, even if it is done constructively. What they fail to realize is that the more they try and suppress me from feeling it the more it makes its way to the surface. It is really hard to love people that expect you to (forgive the following caps lock) BE F**CKING PERFECT!! N O O N E I S P E R F E C T !!!!!!! p.s. Thanks for letting me express that. I feel better now :) +

I need some SERIOUS money. I bounced my rent check, I need to go to the grocery store, and a tuition payment is due. I REALLY don't want to take out a loan, because I have managed my whole undergraduate career without going into debt, and it seems so unbelievable stupid to do so now. I am the youngest person by ten years in my graduate program save the other 22 year old whose family is TOTALLY paying her way, "spending" money included, and it's NOT FAIR!!!

My bunny died last month, and I am still not done crying. My mother died earlier last month, but I wasn't tearful because I hadn't seen her in 9 years and we were never close, anyway. Last summer my grandmother (on mom's side) and great grandmother (also on mom's side) died. This, while we were dealing with birthdays (4 birthdays in one season!) and I was dealing with summer sickness. Ever since our old cat died just before Christmas, there has been a morbid gloom over the house. It's dad's fault. He made her diabetic with all the treats he was giving her. He was doing the same to Maxwell (our other cat). The vet had to reprimand him TWICE before he would listen. He can't take care of pets. Nekocon staff is being lazy, haven't updated the guest list. A few of us are still incomplete on the confirmation list. And they don't have a schedule up. And the damn convention is supposed to begin, this Friday. And I'm going to be worrying about my pets, while on the trip. And I hope I make a real friend. And I wish I could move away from this place. But I'm a dependent, being multiply disabled. Every time I think about moving, I worry about what stuff I'm going to have to throw away. We have too much stuff! Men are whores. I don't have female friends, except my sister. I'm still plain. Still fat. And I think I'm looking forward to the new WoW EP more than the weekend away. But as long as I get a nice lolita dress that fits, I will at least have gotten something out of the convention. I just hope they don't give us a problem at the pre-reg line. I might make a scene. Bring up all that I've had to deal with. Make people have mixed feelings of "she's crazy" and "the poor thing" and other people who are like "Am I supposed to care?" because they only care about themselves and maybe a handful of people they've known for at least 4 years. And I hope something improves, because right now the only improvement I've had this year is that Obama won and there's no danger of that lipstick pitbull coming into office. And I wish I could see myself the way others see me, maybe then I'd be able to notice my strengths (other than finding loopholes...I'm good at that). But I do like your avatar. Arielle is my 3rd favorite Disney princess (after Belle then Cinderella).