A couple of months ago, my wife's best friend and I kissed and touched each other's private parts (no sex). I couldn't take the guilt and told my wife, she now wants a divorce. Can our marriage be saved?
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Anonymous
ANSWERS: 32
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She may have been saying that out of anger and betrayal. She's probably having a hard time not only because you cheated on her, but because it was with her best friend. You may need to give her some time to sort out her feelings and then the two of you can sit down and talk it all out. Be prepared for some things you may not want to hear. Depending on the state of your marriage before the "incident" and how the two of you communicate, you both may be able to move past this indiscretion. Just ask yourself (and be prepared to answer), "What made me cheat on my wife with her best friend?" Best of luck.
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maybe she set you up.. she could have asked her friend to seduce you so that she could use thats as an escape.. think
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Yes your marriage is doomed,if you did it once,she'll never really trust you again.A marriage without trust will not be whole.Sooner or later one of you will end it.It is just a question of when not if.Life is to short to waste being unhappy.Next time don't get in a situation where this kind of thing can happen.I don't care if it is exciting,take up skydiving.If you get the wrong person seriously pssed off ,they just may kill you !Good luck sorting out your life.Scott
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Next time be more discrete. But now: Apologize to her. Mean it. Let her talk it out. Don't interrupt her. Touch her while she is talking. Look her in the eye. Don't make any faces at anything she says. Listen to her carefully. Listening to her is more important than talking to her. Good luck.
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I'm sorry, but if my husband ever did something like that I dont know what I would do. That is the ultimate betrayal to a woman, I'd rather it be someone I didnt know. But the fact remains, both u and her best friend were wrong. Cheating is cheating depending on u and ur wife's boundaries. Even talking to someone with the intent of taking it any further is cheating to me and my husband....honestly I dont blame her, but if u havent talked about boundaries, then maybe u can talk her into staying.
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No the trust has gone that road is too bumpy to rebuild and you made her loose a friend as well so she has lost a support person in this difficult time
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The marriage is at a point of being disolved right along with the trust issues which can never can be the same. If I was married, and my wife kissed and touched my best friend....It would be case closed, and Divorce papers signed.
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it's devastating to have someone you love, trust, and totally committed to, betray you by doing something they considered sacred to marriage. it will be so hard for her to come to terms with what you have to her, she will ask why, but there will be no answer. she won't forget this and the hurt will always be there. face the fact, you broke everything she probably believed in, you did cheat on her. if she wants a divorce, i don't blame her, i have been in her shoes. the hurt is still there and everyday i ask why, and this is what i will deal with every day. you may have destroyed your marriage completely, and you may just have to face that fact. good luck.
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i personally would be so hurt, the friend would no longer be part of my life and as for my partner i would never trust him and if it was possible to save the marriage i may throw it up in face every now and again, therefore if it was me it prod would not be worth saving. I can forgive but i never forget, but that is just my opinion.
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Was it just a mistake or it is a serious relation? It depends to your relationship with your wife. Can she trust you that it never happens again? Are you both still in love with each other? How many times you give her a surprise (flowers for example)? How many times you tell her you love her? If you want really stay with your wife (which is the best), the best to my mind is: Avoid discussions with her when she is emotional. Do not try to solve it by reasonable arguments and rational thinking (in her presence I mean). Do not expect sexual relation from her. Show her you love her. Give time, attention and respect. Talk with her about the time when you were just married. Avoid meeting with her friend. Prayer helps too :) No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes but it needs correction. May the Lord bless you and keep your family.
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I keep saying (and people keep downrating me for it, but that won't stop me) that if you have something like this to confess, confess it to the clergy, NOT to your spouse. You are Exhibit A and I'm sorry for it, because the fact that you couldn't stand the guilt means that you're never going to do it again. But that's not doing you any good.
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Doubt it. You probably told your wife ONLY to sleep better at night. NOT helpful to the wife at all. You found the best friend irresistable. OUCH! Go get her, you wanted more don't fight it. That's your subconscious telling you that your wife wasn't good enough for you. Your wife's better off without you because you cannot control yourself.
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People who feel the irresistible urge to confess their "sins" to their spouses are just selfish. In order for you to sleep better, you introduce extremely negative thoughts into your spouse's life. Now he/she can't sleep either. That's uncalled for. Confessing indicates that you subconsciously don't want to be married. Such infidelity can be just a momentary lapse of judgement for which you will have to pay for the rest of your life. No, it is better if you just shut your big mouth and stew in your own guilt. Never ever confess ! I told my wife that I never want to hear about her infidelities because I'll strangle her and her lover with my bare hands. I don't want to hear about lovers.
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What would ever cause you to tell your wife? She should dump you on the grounds of stupidity or innocent naivety. Eee gad, what a dope.
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I admire you for your honesty. I would have to say that she is going through a couple of phases of denial and anger. Hopefully she will get over it, but just know that you played your part and the rest is up to her.
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What did you think you were guilty of?
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The big question I think does she still talk with her friend the mind of a woman a mystery..A guy easy sex food and good times
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which was tighter and better...go with that one. FRESH PUSSY IS BEST PUSSY. Talk to here and see if a 3 some is a possibility. Ask her to do it in the butt to make you happy. I did the same thing...it was scary at first. Now I cum on one or the others face and pussy and fuck the other while they lick my load up. ITS AWESOME. I lay them on top of each other, and slide my cock from one pussy to the other and keep switching till I explode.
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What were you thinkin' when you were with her friend?Oh wait,you were not thinking!!!Do you understand that you hurt her?!How would you feel?!The only problem is that she can't trust you anymore,and even if you save your marriage,that will always follow her,it'll always be on her mind. But I'm kind of proud of you,that you were brave enough to tell her the truth!And I think that her friend is a Bitch!And I also think that if she loves you,she'll give you another chance,but you should work really hard to win her heart!Loosing a family is the worst thing!So Good Luck!
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I believe your marriage can be saved if and only if you can truly see how badly you screwed up. You have to really understand what this does to a woman. It goes much deeper than just the act alone. it makes her question so many things about herself. I disagree completely that you were crazy to tell her. The fact that the guilt bothered you so much and you told her.... to me does say you love her. If you felt no guilt, shame or remorse that would have been very bad. I've been cheated on & while it's a hard long process to heal.... it can & does get better.
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I kinda have a feeling, I'm in love with my wife of 22+ yrs but I have found that I'm in love with my best friend as well. I haven't perused this feeling 'cause I know that all involved would be devastated. I don't want to hurt anyone by expressing my feelings, but at the same time it's killing me... what should I do? I am desparate....
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why would you tell her???? i went to Catholic school 16 years (graduating from a Catholic college) and believe it or not i fell into the same boat. both of us were drunk and would up kissing and touching (no sex). i sobered up and thought it as a dream until her friend told me it wasn't. we agreed to keep it a secret between us and hopefully it won't happen again.
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you were honest and that is good, you both need to go one holiday together, no kids , just each other, chat, play, dance have fun and have some real honest conversation.. use the what goes on tour stays on tour rule.. tell her why you did it, why you told her, why you dint just say nothing, ask what she would have done if she was the one, would she have kep t quiet.. if you are brave uour suicidal discuss swinging or fantasies hers (not yours) * this could be dangerous.. good luck Wayne (England)
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Geez, you told her? If your're going to spill the beans like this, at least get laid for your trouble.
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First off I like your honesty. What did you expect your wife to do. In her eyes you cheated, and you did and now you have to be man enough to accept the consequences of that decision you made.
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Rather stupid telling your wife. Excuse my frankness but the truth can be brutal. You wanted to relieve your guilt and now your looking at a divorce. Sorry but in my opinion it was a fatal mistake.
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That's up to her right now... if I was here, I'd want a divorce too.
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probably not. why is it that when people do something wrong they feel they have to confess, this blows my mind. keep things to yourself next time.
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Sorry man, I'm the stoic type and I'll tell it to you like it is: you've made your bed, and now have to live in it. Your marriage, like any other monogamous relationship in the western culture, is built upon trust. You've broken that vow you made at the altar, and she is now divorcing you. She has every right to do so; you've betrayed her with her best friend! Wow. That is harsh. I can't feel sorry for you, but I do feel sorry for your wife. She must be really, really hurting. The best thing for you to do at this time is to really think about the choices you have made, and make any changes accordingly. If you really want your marriage to work, then grovel at you wife's feet and tell her you'll do anything to keep her. If your wife decides to forgive you, you better not break her trust again. Kick that "friend" out of your lives, learn from your mistake, attend counseling, and devote yourself to your marriage. She may not forgive you, though, so I hope it will still be a learning lesson, nonetheless.
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Telling your wife is incomprehensibly stupid. Off the charts. You thought you resolved your guilt problem by passing it onto your wife, ruining her life, givng her far more to deal with than you had to deal with and now she wants a divorce. What the fuck did you expect? "Oh that's ok honey, I still love you"?
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I do think you have been stupid in what you have done but not stupid in telling her as long as it was for the right reasons that you felt sorry for what you have done. I can understand your wifes hurt and it will take alot of time to heal that but she should know now that you are not the type to go around having sex with anyone> everyone gos through bad time's work through it and youll be stronger! You did the right thing telling her> Just be honest in how you got to the point of what you did in the first place. We all mess up
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Yeah but if it doesn't you should go for the other person. At least you told your wife.
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