What's the difference between a blonde and a 747? Not everyones been inside a 747 :)

8 QUALITIES TO HAVE IN THE PERFECT MAN Brave, Intelligent, Gentle, Polite, Energetic, Non-alcoholic, Industrious, Self organised. IN SHORT, B.I.G.P.E.N.I.S.

Sex Education A Primary School teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this is?" And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!" And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?" And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to Torture my mummy with"

How do you really hurt a hick?

What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a rooster? A rooster goes, "Cock a doodle do". Paris goes, "Any cock'll do!". What can a woman say to a man that's both a compliment and an insult? "Your cock is bigger than your father's!"

This is my favorite only because my great grandfather told it to me long ago. I think it was the only joke he every told me. He laughed his head off afterward, I'm not even sure if its that funny. A guy walked around with his peter hanging out his boss asked him, "why you walking around with your peter hanging out?" The guy said, "If your gonna work me like a horse I might as well look like one."

elton john went the tatoosist today and asked to get royles royce tatooed on his cock and the tatooist replied wouldnt it be better getting land rover at least you wont get stuck in the shit

Two condoms walk into a bar. After 10 or 15 minutes one condom says to the other.. "You know, after looking around I'm pretty sure this is a gay bar" The other condom replies.. "Well, looks like were gonna get shit faced tonight!"

i dont know if its considered dirty. but whats the difference between an ironing board and a blonde?? its hard to get an ironing boards legs open.

Q: why do blonde girls have bruises around thier belly buttons? A: blonde guys aren't that smart either Little johny and his grandpa are hanging out together when grandpa pulls out a beer. "grandpa, can i have one?" johny asks. grandpa looks at him and says "can your dick touch your ass hole?" johny says "no." so his grandpa relies "well then no. this is a man's drink." A little later grandpa pulls out a cigar and johny asks to have one. his grandpa asks again "can your dick touch your ass hole?" "no" johny replies. so grandpa says again "then no. this is for a man." Later johny is eating some cookies when his grandpa asks if he can have one. johny asks his grandpa "can your dick touch your ass hole?" "yes," his grandpa replies. johny looks at him and says "then go fuck yourself. these are my cookies." A girl with no arms or legs is laying on a beach when a hot guy walks by. she says to the guy "please sir please. i've never been hugged by a man before." the man looks at her for a while and finally gives her a hug. 'hey this might just work!' thinks the girl. so a little later another guy walks by so she says "please sir. i've never been kissed before." he pauses for a moment then finally kisses her. 'yeah! this'll work!!' thinks the girl to herself. then a really buff guy comes by and the girl says "please sir. i've never been fucked before." the guy stares at her for a long while, then finally picks her up and throws her in the ocean. "what are you doing!?" she screams. the man replies, "you're fucked now!" While a lady was pregant with triplets she was shot in the stomach 3 times but lived and had the babies. 15 years later one of the girls came up to the mother and said "mommy mommy! you'll never believe what just happened. i went to the bathroom and pissed out a bullet." so the mom told her what happened 15 years ago. later the other girl came racing to her mom saying "mommy mommy. you'll never guessed what happend. i went to the bathroom and pissed out a bullet." so the mom told her the story too. then the boy came running to his mom. "mommy mommy you'll never guess what happened!" his mom said "let me guess. you went to the bathroom and pissed out a bullet." the boy replied, "no. i was jacking off and i shot the dog."