You don't, It will only push her away, Its her life, she will see whats right or wrong for her in time. But it would not hurt to cut her funding down just a bit, just to show her that money does not come for free and that he needs to pull his weight as well :-) Good luck with it.

Don't say anything, she'll get mad. Just sit tight, and be patient... she's not a dummy! **HER type; or your type?

You can't. You will only push her away. An 18 year old does not want you telling her she is making a mistake. Our children need to learn on their own. It is a much different world they live in now. Hopefully, she will see it on her own and ask for your advice.

She might be in a pickle -- like she doesn't know how to get out of this situation, but she doesn't want to admit to you that her dream is collapsing in front of her eyes. I saw your other comments -- b/f uses her computer, so she has to come home to do her work. Don't judge this -- try to have an open conversation about how things are going with b/f -- if you think she's happy, leave it be -- if she's unhappy about the conditions -- help her to set boundaries in her own life, and coach her on how to stick to them. I have heard horror stories about parents who help their kids pay rent -- I think it's a bad idea to start with -- if she can't afford rent, she should get a roommate, or live in a dorm with other students, then this problem wouldn't have started. I think you have a responsibility to wean her off your money, but it shouldn't be because you don't approve of her boyfriend.

If he isn't he'll prove it to her.

I remember once an old girlfriend told me, 'From the time they come out of you, you are in the process of letting go!' I thought that to be an incredibly wise comment, whether a 'child' is just born ... or 18 ... or a mature adult with their own life. Although you will always, always see your daughter as 'your child,' one who is cherished by you, one that you wish only wonderful and good things to happen in her life, essentially ... your 'job' is over. What I mean is, IF this lovely woman (and we can assume that she does have many great qualities) is to 'finally' grow up and be that emotionally intelligent adult, YOU BOTH have to literally stop being her counselor, her bank, her fall-back. For all of us parents this is a tough decision to come to: each child is a unique individual. However, only 'the child' will come to understand the consequences that we all have faced 'living a life' by having to make her way ... BY HERSELF! Now, this one -- 'not being there finacnially' is even more difficult for those of us who may be able to afford supplementary income, but that is OUR problem ... NOT theirs. This kind of holding-on doesn't allow any young adult to move to the very next phase of their lives which is autonomy and independence. Not only that but it suggests a certain desire 'for control' from parents when, indeed, after a certain age, we literally have none nor should we. i can heartily understand and accept that you 'want to be close,' what parent doesn't? But there is another saying that I think hits a similar nail on the head: 'A parent has to let them completely go so they will come back!' If you are to literally teach your daughter the 'whys and wherefores' of this life, all including the ups and downs we've all had to face and have the ability to independently figure out not only what's next to do, but survive successfully from those outcomes, you are now in the position to do that, once again. Also, you MUST trust all those 'lessons' that you have instilled in her over the years she was with you: she witnessed her parents loving, overcoming their own obstacles and rising to the appropriate occasion; she saw you have a home and provide food 'without outside help;' she saw you scream and cry and laugh while holding your belly over everything from a success or a temporary failure; she saw you BE exactly who you are ... doing the very best that you could at any one given time. Now, my question for you would be this: 'Why would you ever wish to deny or hold back those processes' that any normal human being, having the privilege of having a life and its opportunities, from your own adult daughter? Trust that you have done a good job. She isn't a dummy and you know it. She will do what she knows how to do ... and when she figures out how to do it better ... she will. Just like the rest of us. Her 'mistakes' are hers to unfold to digest to overcome, whether that is money or a choice in a boyfriend. [If she had no money from you and had to go it alone, how long do you think this non-working guy would stay? Not very long, I can guarantee it] Respect her as her own growing woman. Love her second. 'Be there' ... later.

Quit paying them and let her see how quick he is to help her! Tough to do I'm sure but probably the only way she'll see!

I have to agree with the majority on this one, O.F.. If you keep telling her how bad he is, she will only hang on longer. 18 year olds do not want to be told how to live their lives. But, you do have a bargaining chip, (paying some of the bills). As long as you are helping, she should realize that you DO have a little say-so in who is benefitting from your dollars. One question, tho'. If you totally quit helping, will she come back home, or move in with his friends, or his parents, or some of her friends? If you know she will come home, you might try that, but, most kids WILL rebel, and you may lose her for good. But, do let her know that you only want what's best for her.

You cant say anything to convince her of that...tell her you are giving her only as much money as it takes to survive and nothibg extra will be given unless he starts to chip in his share. She is of legal age and can have a live in if she wants but you can reduce her checks per month so she will want him to help pay the bills. Give her nothing extra just the bare necessities until she realizes he should be helping...college is expensive and you should not have to support her boyfriend as well as herself. Tell her you may have her move back home and go to a local collage to save expenses and that her boyfriend can not live in your house with her. See how see reacts to that.

You may as well "let that balloon go!!!" ANYTHING you say pertaining to the subject will be met with all kinds of resistance. Remember, alot of mid-to-late teens think they know EVERYTHING. They tend to forget that parents have lived thru things that they have YET to go thru. At this point, LIFE--will be the only "teacher" that will be able to get them to understand the error of their ways!!! Good luck!