My question is my husband has been told that i am the source of his anger, after 12 yrs of being together i dont understand that. I want to make things work we dont live together right now but how am i the source of his anger and how do i help fix it?
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Anonymous
ANSWERS: 3
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Whoever told you this needs to go sit in the corner until they shape up. You are NOT the source of your husband's anger, that's absurd. The source of anger is always the person who is angry!! There's this thing called "personal responsibility", which was invented a few years back to deal with this sort of problem -- we all do things, and sometimes we do things that are not what others want us to do, and sometimes others get angry because their expectations are not met. The anger is THEIRS not ours, and the responsibility for the anger is theirs. Now, there may be things you're doing that you shouldn't be doing, or things you should do that you're not doing. But believing that you are responsible for your husband's anger puts you into a terrible situation with no way to make progress. So drop that notion, then see what is actually going on in your relationship.
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He may be angry, but it is HIS anger. You can't fix anything. He has to do whatever needs doing. Please don't take this stupid comment to heart. Whoever told him this is an idiot. Don't let him dump it on you. He may be angry at you, but it is his anger and his responsibility to deal with it. If he didn't know he was angry for all of these years, he probably wasn't!
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Your husband is lying to you about what he was told - or else twisting it - or else he has genuinely misinterpreted what he was told (probably in light of what he WANTED to hear). HE is responsible for his own emotions, including his own anger. It is NOT your fault. Repeat - NOT YOUR FAULT. Believing that is the hallmark of an abuse victim. It is not your job to "fix it." He has to do that. Until he does I hope for your sake you remain apart. Good luck.
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