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It depends on the couple in particular. Either partner can take the lead and you two may want to switch off. Practice and see what works best for the both of you. Open communication is key.
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Not a stupid question at all....There's more to it than that. There's different positions, different ways that she can move, she can use her muscles to make it feel differently....there's a lot to sex other than just moving up and down...
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It really depends on the size of the man. If he's long enough, it's safe to do the up and down position without him slipping out and possibly getting hurt. It's probably safer to have him slide in and out instead. As far as what feels better, I definitely prefer the up and down. So I guess when they say size doesn't matter, in this case it might.
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