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by sammy326 on September 6th, 2007

sammy326

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Help answer this question below.

If your husband or wife still spoke to their ex spouse practically daily would you put up with it? Also, what do you think the continued contact between the former spouses means? Do you think they still love each other or might be seeing each other?

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Answers. 25 helpful answers below.

  • by tawny on December 30th, 2007

    tawny

    I'm in the same situation. They have 2 almost grown daughters together. I understand them talking about the kiddos, but what about when she begs him to come back, sends him I'm sorry & I want another chance cards? Does business relating to "the kids" include "I'm going to date...do you mind?" Don't think so..... I took it long enough, threw a fit, so it is some better (after 2 years), at least conversations around me. He's even gone so far as to give her a figtishish name on his cell so I won't know how many times they talk. I do hope your situation is not like mine. I'm starting to think I should "Call the hunt off and the dogs home." I'm growing weary of their game.

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  • by candycakes loves j. bell on September 9th, 2007

    candycakes loves j. bell

    many stay in touch because of kids or because they are friends. people divorce for a reason, and most divorced people don't marry each other again. there was a reason it didn't work the first time.

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  • by hemiman on September 7th, 2007

    hemiman

    My ex and I are best friends and I am friends with her husband also. My fiance gave me grief about it for about two weeks and finally I told her that mine and her friendship is something that is not going away. SHe will have to put up with it. She is still not happy, but ignores it. She and I were friends before we married, her husband died of cancer as did my wife, so we were kinda looking for support and mistook those feelings for love. We decided that just because two people are friends doesnt mean they can live together. We are still friends just as we were. And I value her friendship very much and will not give it up. We are not having a physical relationship, just friends. In fact we had lunch together today.

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  • by Ender is back.. And slightly confused. on September 9th, 2007

    Ender is back.. And slightly confused.

    That depends. If my spouse had a child with their former spouse, then I can understand why they still and talk and try to remain on good terms. However, if she is seeing him frequently for lunch, dinner, etc, I would have my concerns and probably not put up with it.

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  • by Anonymous on June 2nd, 2008

    Anonymous

    my boyfriend's ex moved out on him, not only that she moved down the street ten houses away.(on the same side of the street mind you) yes, they have two daughters together but they are not biologically his, but he took on the responsibility due to the fact he was with his ex for sixteen years. i have not met her but the grandson tells me she hates me and she does not know me to like me nor hate me... i'm to the point to where i'll give her reason. he will go and visit and he will be gone for a good three to four hours without calling me anytime in between. now this is just about everyday, she may skip a day. she will even use her grandson against him not only that she will call him for every repair imaginable, such as putting a nail in the wall to hang a picture. i tried to understand the situation but it hurts especially when i find out that he has visited her and won't tell me until i find out myself. he says it's because he don't want to start a arguement.(whatever) when i tell him he's wrong, he tends to choose her side and says i'm paranoid. what should i think or do? does anyone have any suggestions? please help me!!!

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  • by 3rd wheel on March 30th, 2008

    3rd wheel

    I'm engaged to be married and he is still regularly talking to his ex, sharing day-to-day events that often are personal and not about the kids. When we met a year ago, he was still willingly supporting her because she didn't want to work. She is supposedly bi-polar and she has him believing that life is just too stressful, etc. He insists that he does not want her and is very much in love with me, and that he is just trying to keep the peace to help her be stable for the kids. I cannot get him to understand that even if he spends the rest of his life jumping to her tune and giving her every cent, that wouldn't ensure she would be stable and consistently treat the girls properly. He has agreed to get counceling, but when I pour my heart out he says he will try to do better to live by my rules. Again, this speaks volumes to me that he is not ready to give her completely up. Any advice out there?

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  • by APACHEmeansENEMY on February 28th, 2008

    APACHEmeansENEMY

    Well, if there were no children involved..I wouldn't marry someone thast talked to an ex spouse daily...I would think that if they spent that much time talking the ties have not been severed yet. I would have no desire to get involved in a situation like that.

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  • by sallielee on February 19th, 2008

    sallielee

    Good question! I am in the same boat. My guy has two kids with his ex and they need to stay in touch to keep up with their kids schedules and activities but the constant contact is driving me nuts. She texts him constantly. I have seen alot of the text messages and many of them are not relevent to the kids at all or even a necessary exchange of information. Some of them are flirty and much to friendly for my comfort. His responses are not inappropriate and often times he doesn't even respond. I am ready to throw his phone out the window some weekends, she texts him all night long on the weekends and this past weekend his phone was going off at seven in the morning. He knows way to much about her personal life and shares this information with me. I have told him that I am not interested in hearing about what is going on with her unless it is relevent to the kids. The other day I walked in the room last weekend to hear him having a conversation with her about me which really ticked me off. Is is wrong for me to tell him that I think that they are being inappropriate. I don't want him having conversations about me with her. He was sharing information about me being ill and later that night she sent a text telling him that she hoped i felt better. I don't know her, I've never even met her. Am i being paranoid?? This is making me sick to my stomach. I am not a jealous person and I don't like how this is making me feel.

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  • by calunda on September 9th, 2007

    calunda

    Yikes. I would like to know what need these people would have to continue to have contact unless there are kids in common. My personality does not let me return to the scene of the crime. We're all different though.

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  • by thekingcobra63 on September 7th, 2007

    thekingcobra63

    If they have kids they are trying to raise then the conversations regarding that would be acceptable. If not, or if the conversations were involving anything else, then I would not put up with it in any form.

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  • by asairel on September 9th, 2007

    asairel

    if you trust your partner that things will not came into your mind, some ex partners stayed friends after a romantic relationship because they realized that they are better off as friends, if you are really bothered by that situation open it up to your partner and tackle it heart to heart before anything came in between and result to a mis undertanding.

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  • by calunda on September 9th, 2007

    calunda

    Yikes. I would like to know what need these people would have to continue to have contact unless there are kids in common. My personality does not let me return to the scene of the crime. We're all different though.

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  • by Gracin the Strange on September 6th, 2007

    Gracin the Strange

    It could mean a number of different things. If they have children together it could mean that they are dedicated to being a part of raising their children. It could mean that even though they were not romantically compatable they are still really good friends. It could also mean that they are not over each other and have trouble letting go. Talk to your spouse and let them know it bothers you and listen to what they have to say. You must remember that while they choose to conversate with the ex it is you who they are choosing to spending their life with.

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  • by sharenot on November 10th, 2008

    sharenot

    My advice to someone else would be Don't put up with it!
    Ok if formner children were young, but the children thing in my case are all grown up!
    My partners'daily checking up on the former wife can be heartily sickening at times. She obviously still comes first and this is hurtful.
    So how do I cope with it? After seething a lot, I calm down until the next phone call and this goes on more than once daily as a rule.

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  • by New Wife on November 13th, 2008

    New Wife

    My husband checks in with his children every day. His ex-wife takes advantage of this and always gets involved. She constantly calls him - usually for extra money or to point out a short-coming. It creeps me out when she asks him if he thinks she's fat, moans about ever finding a boyfriend, calls in tears if she has a bad dream, yikes. She even told him she was installing a trapeze in her bedroom ceiling! She's a nightmare.

    The worst part is she somehow manages to get under his skin - ruin his mood, make him mad or sad, get him to jump and do what she's told him to do.

    He's a great guy. I wish he could just cut her out of his life and not be affected. The problem is he loves his children, feels guilty about leaving them, and will always care for her as the mother of his children.

    The way I'm dealing with this is to avoid a message machine on our home phone, unplug the telephone ringer on the weekends and count my blessing for having a great guy with a big heart.

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  • by JTP on February 28th, 2008

    JTP

    Depends on the relationship of course, I wouldn't date someone I wouldn't trust (or at least not for long), and besides that, many people who do get divorced do keep a good relationship up, if only for the kids. Theres nothing wrong with talking to an old spouse, if talking is all that goes on.

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  • by Lady Alathia of Vulcan on February 28th, 2008

    Lady Alathia of Vulcan

    A good deal of people who are no longer in love CAN remain friends.

    This is something that should be known and discussed with the current spouse.

    The fact that you are no longer married to a person does not mean you must hate them, or cut them out of your life entirely.

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  • by dogdogcrazy on February 28th, 2008

    dogdogcrazy

    I would think they have children, and as such still need to have contact.

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  • by Devi on May 20th, 2009

    Devi

    Being able to remain friends after a divorce shows a level of maturity that immature people tend not to understand. If your partner is mature and trustworthy, then you should do a self-examination to determine the reasons why you feel threatened. If the reasons are valid (i.e. s/he has given you reasons to mistrust him in the past, or there is evidence of current infidelity), then you should discuss it with your partner.

    Taking that your partner is a stand-up person, there still can be some minimum limits set. A daily phone call just to chat can be reduced to a bi-weekly phone call. If the ex is not willing to include the new partner in his/her conversations and/or dealings, then limits should definitely be set as to the allowable content of the conversations. By that, I mean that the purpose of the phone calls should be limited to the kids only.

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  • by Angel1967 on May 26th, 2009

    Angel1967

    unless its about the children, then they do not have a reason to talk. its cheating in my book

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  • by George R. McCasland on September 19th, 2009

    George R. McCasland

    that we're friends

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  • by Ditto on September 18th, 2009

    Ditto

    Honestly, I really don't think I'd have a problem with it.

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  • by AnnieB on September 18th, 2009

    AnnieB

    If there are children involved, I would have no choice but to put up with it. Continued contact between former spouses means they are concerned for their children. Rest assured...I speak to my ex nearly every day and we do NOT still love each other.

    If there are no children involved...then I would have a problem with the contact.

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  • by Anonymous on August 10th, 2009

    Anonymous

    Just curious . . . if you still out there. How did this turn out 2 years later?

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  • by sallielee on February 19th, 2008

    sallielee

    d

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