I'm not kidding, but according to a study that was put in reader's digest men laugh at the same things brain damaged people do. Not that I have anything against men or what they laugh at *a lot I find humorous too*. Just funny that the guy writing the article found that and came to that conclusion =)

I have pointe ballet slippers!

aww, i'm feeling down tonight too. Here's a hug and some chocolate chip cookies :D "hugs"

I'll say it with a picture, I hope it makes you laugh. And remember to be thankful your not a red shirt.

im sorry to hear that... i have a joke....two people hunting in the woods, jim look thrugh the scope and see bill's wife cheating, jim says to bill what he just saw, and bill said can you shoot my wife in the head and the guy in the privite, and jim said i can do that in one shot

I went into Ralph's grocery, to go to the bank inside there to open new account. Looking at the paperwork they gave me as I walked down the isle, I tripped something vicious over a cart someone left, causing me to crash at full throttle into a HUGE wine display! On top of it they had sets of dishes and glasses too. Well picture a bull in a china shop!...in a matter of seconds I did $300 worth of damages, and closed down 4 isles!...I can never go back :(

I hope these pics will give you a smile! Big hug, and feel better!

I have a dog that howls, but only in his sleep!!!1

I just looked at your profile and I think you are a tough little cookie and you will go far.

= ) = ) = ) = ) = ) = ) = ) = ) = ) = ) = ) = ) = ) = ) : ) SMILE! ( : Click on the picture.

Hm... that figures, and we keep missing each other online. Well, I'm not sure what to say but that I'm thinking of you, and I hope you start feeling less down :)

I have a joke. A couple went to a store with their child to purchase new bathroom fixtures. While they were talking to the salesman, they noticed that their child had wandered. Then they discovered that their toddler had used one of the toilets on display. The salesman became quite hysterical. It's a true story. I read it somewhere. Hope you get a laugh out of it.

About . that far. >8P

mmmmm smile god damn it! wait, that's not helping is it? i'm no good at this

"Just to see you smile I'd do anything That you wanted me to When all is said and done I'd never count the cost It's worth all that's lost Just to see you smile"

If you seen me trying to dance I bet you bust a gut laughing.

*does my Barbara Walters impression, sings a Prince song BADLY while wearing a Raspberry beret, buys you a drink ....* How much further should I go? :-)

I like humor that flows effortlessly out of a natural situation..however, if you needed cheering up I'd try to come up with some mental picture for you that would make you smile..I am a lousy joke-teller so that wouldn't work! :)

the ends of the earth :)

You don´t have an idea of what I am capable of... :P

Cleveland

Hillary will win?

Purple Monkey Dishwasher

I just pulled my pants down!!!

Pick-up line;) . . . You look alot like my next girl friend;) . . Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner;)LOL

Really Stupid People Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain. Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder. A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested. A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.

Really Stupid people, part 2 Saddam Hussein's stockpile is deadly. The smoke from his biological weapons could mix with sulfur from his chemical weapons and create an atmospheric condition known as Los Angeles. The Los Angeles Board of Education has OK'd a plan to equip school police cars with guns. The plan works on a tier system: Police at elementary schools will carry supersoakers, junior high patrols will carry paint guns, and shotguns will be used at high schools. A severly disturbed geography teacher killed six people who did not know the capital of Scotland. Police say he's still on the loose and remind everyone that the capital of Scotland is Edinburgh. (Carlin) AT&T announced last week it will lay off up to 8,000 employees. Ever conscious of its image, the company is promoting the layoffs as a new feature called job forwarding. El Nino storms are affecting trade with Asian countries. A freighter bound for Long Beach Calif. with a cargo of yo-yos got caught in a particularly violent storm. It sank 65 times. Charloote Hornets star Anthony Mason faces charges of statutory rape of two girls, ages 14 and 15. His attorney will use the Kennedy defense, which states that together they were 29. Marcia Clark has signed with NBC to become a legal affairs commentator. In the job, she'll discuss ongoing court cases and then describe what she would do to lose them. The inventor of the airplane borarding ramp has died at age 85. Funeral seating will begin half an hour before the service, with preferential treatment for immediate family members, followed by friends and relatives holding passes numbered 1 through 30. Magic Johnson signed a deal with Starbucks to open new coffee shops in inner city neighborhoods. Just what the poor needed - a good $3 cup of coffee. Michael Jackson's business partner has bought part of TWA, and now says he's going to have Michael redesign some of the planes. Michael says he wants the planes to be all white with smaller noses. (O'Brien) A Canadian snowboarder got his gold medal back despite testing positive for marijuana. Olympic officials should have know better. Snowboarding was invented because a stoned snowboarder couldn't remember where he put his other ski. More controversy in pairs skating when Boris and Natasha were awarded a gold medal by the Eastern Bloc countries, even though they were clearly beaten by Moose and Squirrel. Did anyone see the luge? It's a 3 foot long little vehicle that has no room, has to be pushed to get started and only goes downhill. Here in America we call that a Hyundai. (Leno) Newt Gingrich says that the major networks should give free air time to anti drug messages. For example, they should come on during your favorite show and talk about how drugs and alcohol are a dead end street... and now back to Nash Bridges starring Cheech Marin and Don Johnson. (Maher) Scientists at Rutgers University have released a study identifying the three phases of love. They are: lust, attraction and subpoena. Fortean Times reports that a British supermarket worker's underwear spontaneously combusted. Luckily it was edible underwear, so the clerk ended up with cherries jubilee. And finally, with Bill Clinton in the White House, I finally understand why we celebrate Presidents Day with mattress sales. (Leno)

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.   One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to do that. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.   The next day one of the woman's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"   "That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said..... "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."

<-- just look here.

Do know the show Deliverence? with Burt Reynolds, well I look like that hill billy boy who play the dueling banjo's, would you like to go for a walk? I bet you will laugh your head off once you know what I'm talking about

The butcher lived in an apartment over his shop. One night he was awakened by strange noises coming from below. He tiptoed downstairs and observed that his 19 year old daughter was sitting on the chopping block and masturbating with a liverwurst. He sighed and tiptoed back to bed. The next morning, of of his customers came in and asked for some liverwurst. The butcher relied that he didn't have any. The lady was annoyed. She pointed and said, "No liverwurst, eh? Well, what's that hanging on the hook right over there?" The butcher frowned at her and replied, "That lady, is my son-in-law."

When the delegate from the emerging African nation was in Moscow, he watched a game of Russian roulette. Someone put the barrel of a pistol to his head and pulled the trigger. One of the six chambers contained a real bullet.. Now the Russian delegate was visiting the African nation. "We would like to show you our version of roulette," the Ambassador said. "We call this African roulette. "How do you play it?" The Ambassador pointed to six buxom African girls sitting in a circle. "Any of these girls will give you a blow job." "Where is the roulette part? Where is the jeopardy?" the Russian asked. "Well," said the African Amassador, "one of the girls is a cannibal.'

One morning a young women got of bed. Slipped into her robe. Raised the shade. Uncovered the parrot. Put on the coffee pot. The phone rang. She answered and heard a masculine voice say: Hello, honey. My ship just hit port and I'm coming right over." So the young lady took the coffee pot off the stove. Covered up the parrot. Pulled down the shade. Took off her robe. Got into bed and heard the parrot mumble, "Kee-rist, what a short day that was!"

MORE ADDICTIVE THEN CRACK...don't bother me...I really am working here!!

Yesterday morning (Memorial Day), a kid on a moped ran into my mailbox.

ok...There is this blond driving down a small highway...she looks over to her right and sees another blond in a boat right out in the middle of a field. the blond in the boat is just rowing away and singing like there is no tommorrow. the blond driving gets more and more angry and finally cant take it anymore and pulls over to the shoulder. She gets out of the car and runs over to the edge of the field. She cups her hands around her mouth and yells at the top of her lungs.."You are the reason all of us blonds get made fun of. i cant believe you are soo stupid. And if i could swim i would come out there and kick you ass!"

I farted on your pillow this morning

Twat Waffle

What do you call an Indian man with pink hair ? Gandhi Floss.

underpants!!!!!!!! (you only get it if you're a "boy meets world" fan)

You have won the powerball lottery. If you get high points for your question, will you share it with me? :)

Dont smile! That always makes me smilleLOL

Something to make me laugh;) Edit: This is in response to the original question here which was "Could you please say something to make me laugh."

I would if I could, but I can't, so I won't.

http://www.answerbag.com/c_view/1900

Well, this makes me laugh anyway. XD