well what was the mistake?...if you dont minde me asking...

Aww, Shelby.. Talking with someone always helps. That and realizing that we all make mistakes, huge ones. It can't be changed, so why stress out about it? What's done is done. All we can do is try to make amends.. I'm around if you need anyone to talk to.

i would say talk to someone you can really open up to and won't judge you about it, and tell them everything from what has happened to how it has led you to believe to be the biggest mistake of your life. it could be incredibly hard, but it helps to gain a little perspective. also, i'm sure you're aware many of us here on answerbag quite adore you and would gladly lend an ear (or an eye i suppose) if you just wanna talk. myself included.

Hi shel- The chanting I do focuses oneself on the present and future and releases us from the past...

Most of the time, the inner voice that keeps beating you up isnt really thinking rationally, so while its a good reminder that you're a normal, emotive human, it probably wont help with moving on. When talking with someone (as suggested), do some focussing on the arguments your inner-voice is using to make you feel bad, so next time you're being beaten up by it, you can dismiss it much more easily. (or maybe this is a bit too freaky-bipolar?)

i dont know, care to share what it is that you ve been beating urself up about?

It sounds like you and I have a lot in common at the moment, and although I've yet to find a solution myself, I can tell you what observations I have made so far, I hope they help: -Try to come to terms with the fact that everyone makes mistakes at some point, expecting too much from yourself, especially when it's already too late for it to matter, can only add to the pain and remorse you're already feeling. -Take it one day at a time. Thinking too far back into the past only makes you cling more tightly to it and eventually just get slammed up against an emotional brick wall when you have to snap back to the present. And thinking too far into the future only makes the past and the present feel empty and futile. And, although this one is covered somewhat by therapy... -Don't be afraid to talk about it. Even if other people may not know or understand your circumstances as well as you do, getting outside viewpoints from someone else who you know and trust enough to know that they'll understand and won't judge you (Or that it won't *Feel* like they're judging you, which is often more the case), can help you to see things in a healthier, less painful, and quite possibly even more accurate way that hadn't occurred to you before because you're too close to yourself and your circumstances to be objective about it. That's about all the advice I can give without knowing any details, but whatever the specifics are, I hope you can come to terms with them and learn to be happy again soon. And if you ever do want someone to talk to, I can definitely empathise with how you're feeling, and I like to think I'm non-judgmental (With some of the mistakes I've made, I don't have much right to judge anyway).

Just let it go & try not to keep thinking about it. Everyone makes mistakes, learn from it & go on. Push it out of your mind.....cmon puuuuuuuuuush it out........push it out & quit being so hard on your self. I'm sure its no worse then anyone else has ever done(unless your a serial killer) or possibly done on to you. It can't be that bad hon just let it go, everything will be ok & don't worry about it until you have to.

The mistake some are asking to hear really isn't the issue. You made a mistake, you realize it and feel guilty for doing something you feel is wrong and has or will hurt your wife. You also feel as though you've failed her and yourself I'd assume. This is not unhealthy but could be. Talking to someone yea, no brainer but I'd select that person wisely. Ofcourse you can forgive yourself, you probably will not allow yourself to forget but making the promise to yourself to never make that mistake again and working tordge forgiving yourself and your wife forgiving if she knows takes time. Professional help is a great thing to seek. I got some thew a group but hadn't believed I needed it but it was beneficial and educational on areas I could improve my life and myself I'd never would have even noticed without it.

Shelby - You are such a smart and talented woman! My giant mistakes are never easy to undo - I'm guessing yours was the same? Moving forward may be very hard, but think of all the wisdom and experience you've gained. My last gynormous mistake is just now getting rectified, but the worst part was I knew it was a huge mistake when I was making the decision. So I've learned from that - Now I never make really important decisons unless I'm 100%. Forgive yourself by thinking of all the huge mistakes you could have made but didn't. Can't think of any? Try out these that I've personally gone through: Bought my ex a new car (that one hurt) Rock climbed without safety equipment (that one really hurt) Rear ended someone because I was checking out my sunglasses in the rear view mirror (that was just plain dumb) Hope that helps :)

first of all, is there anything you can do to rectify the situation? if there is, you should explore that option further. i am guessing that there probably isn't, in which case you need to learn how to move past this. i think this is one of the most difficult things to do as a human & i think it takes time whether therapy is involved or not... that being said, you are human and we all make mistakes. so, be kind to yourself. ultimately, we all screw up from time to time, so at some point, maybe you just need to give yourself permission to forgive yourself. really, most of us are our own worst critics. last of all, if you want to talk to me about any of this, please email me! i'm not judgemental (or at least as close as any human can get) and i can keep things "in the vault" if you just need to vent. i hope you are feeling better than you were when you posted this, my dear! it makes me sad to wonder what you are going through. much love - zee

One thing about mistakes is everyone makes them. It won't be the last mistake you or anyone else makes. Learn what you can from your mistake,and move on.

Can you tell me when you figured it out I am still beaing myself up over something that I did 2 years ago.