Ok my mom is going through memopause(it makes her grumpy & sometimes rude/hurtful). I'm trying 2 let her know by saying how i feel & asking her 2 stop..isn't not helping. What else could I say her 2 let her know I'd appreciate her 2 respect boundaries?
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rachel. StarsInAPortraitIcecreamInTheSky
ANSWERS: 12
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would writing her a letter help? Not a long emotional one. Be tactful and try not to accuse your Mum of anything or that could make things worse. Give it to her on a good day perhaps with a little gift. may be she needs a boost, a hug maybe. perhaps she is feeling under valued. I'm trying to see this from the point of view of your Mum (I am going through the same as her) and as a child. Hope you sort things out.
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What you have to understand is that Menopause is hormonal. She's not just deciding to act this way. Her hormones are going crazy, she's got hot flashes, cold flashes, and at any given moment could laugh, cry, scream, throw things, or all of the above. It's one of those experiences that you'll never understand until you go through it. I haven't gone through it, but I get crazy during PMS time. Just think of how you feel when you're PMS'ing- your emotions change frequently and you often want to hit people with the nearest thing possible- Now imagine that times 10! That said, just try to be respectful and tell her that while you understand she is going through alot right now, she's hurting your feelings. Also know that it's not going to happen overnight. Hormones are a crazy thing.
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I agree with nashelle on this, but I also have something to add. If your mom has a close friend or relative that you know pretty well, talk to them about it and maybe that adult influence might help with the situation. It would be even better if this person has gone through (or is going through) menopause before. Hope all goes well!
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Forget about talking to her. She's someone else for the duration. Talk to someone else about your feelings for now. Try to steer clear. Be helpful. You might want to find a book on menopause (maybe at the library) and read it and leave it around the house for your mother to find.
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You know, I think it's best to just talk to her and tell her that you love her. It's a good idea to avoid subjects that you know cause her to get angry. You can't possibly know for sure what will set her off, but I find that even when I'm INCREDIBLY moody, when my daughter, husband, grandchildren or anybody compliments me or says they love me, I can't get mad. Keep in mind what Penny said, she isn't choosing to be this way. Her hormones are just going crazy.
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Penny's answer is pretty good. But as a male who has been at the receiving end with two women --my mom and now my wife, I think it's pretty well hopeless. Live it through, if you're a girl know that one day your hubby and kids will have to have compassion for you too. If you're a boy, think of it as practice for when your wife goes through it... Give her a good hug, tell her you love her...
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let her know that when she is acting that way you will say "you are being hurtful" and then you will simply leave the room, and then do it.
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As the husband of a post-menopausal woman my advice would be that you just to keep your head down. The absolute worst thing you can do is to say you understand, because you don't. I tried all of that understanding stuff and it didn't work, for the simple reason that I didn't understand - I was just trying to. There is no possibility of having reasoned and reasonable conversation with a person who KNOWS that the world is against her. It'll be OK though because the world will be on her side again eventually.
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Give your mom some space.
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I am proud that you have asked this question and trust our answers. This is a hard time for your mother, your dad, you and your brothers and sister, if you have them. Patience is the name of the game. if you are a girl, you will face the same situation one day. If verbal words are not working, do this, sit down and write a letter to your mom and tell her exactly how you feel. that you are trying to understand her situation, but understanding has a two-way street. Sit with your mother, while she reads your letter. i know and you know you love her, so tell her so in your letter. Her chemistry balance is all out of wack. heat flashes send her to the moon. i just went through this with my wife, so i have a good idea what you are facing. Do not give up on her. she is fighting an inward ball of fire and everything in her life is dramatically changing. this is where tough love comes into play by everyone in the family. You and your mom will get through this....together. Just do not give up on each other and write that letter.
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Believe me, your mom is doing the best she can under the circumstances. Her emotional level has jumped about 100 percent from 10 years ago.
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love her tell her she is sensational,
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