ANSWERS: 6
  • A hero does many different types of deeds. My husband keeps his family safe and provides for us.
    • officegirl
      Thank you - that to me is a hero.
  • Say to him "You are enough of a hero the way you are, there is no need to keep on doing all these "heroic" deeds". If he really loves you and cares about you, he will accept what you say and do what you want.
    • officegirl
      Thank you. Yes I have stressed that to him but the way he thinks he needs to feel himself like a hero.
    • Murgatroyd
      In that case, tell him to stop listening to this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWcASV2sey0 and start listening to this instead https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dq4aOaDXIfY
  • As long as his heroic deed aren't dangerous, let him do them. If that's what he needs, then that's what he needs.
    • officegirl
      Very true, I agree. Thank you.
  • 12-18-2016 It is hard for a man to feel accepted. He gets told almost every day of his life that he is not good enough and anything he does is either a joke or a crime. A man can only do three things: pay bills, make babies, and kill things. Everybody pays bills, making babies is not much of an accomplishment for a man, and it's a crime to kill things. A wife is the only person in the world who can ease the hurt. Every month on the night he pays the bills, that is the low point of his life. So get his pants off and do everything you know that feels good. That helps a lot. The rest of the time, just notice the things he does and acknowledge them, such as "Nice job on the lawn," or whatever chore he did.
    • officegirl
      Thank you but seems rather limited and defeatist. My husband has a successful business and does not commit crimes. No does not like to kill things and yes he has two daughters from his previous marriage. I work weekdays and make a good salary so we share the bill paying. He was raised to "do great things" and so really thinks in those terms so when I tell him how great I think he sort of waves it aside as just a weak compliment. He expects more of himself than I do. He more views sex as something he does (or did) for me.
    • Jewels Vern
      Point out to him that his life can never be good if he refuses to admit it.
  • You may have created the problem yourself. You've talked at length about YOUR experiences and supposedly with his consent (i'm not saying they weren't). Are the dalliances equal ? If not, or even if they are - Have you ever considered that he might feel left behind (not in a number count) and also feel the need to prove himself worthy of KEEPING your affection. He doesn't want to be alone, and is probably showing you that he's still the man you married.
    • officegirl
      Ice man thank you for reading my posts. No "dalliances" are ever "equal" - he was brought up rather "straight-laced" and not to "dally" so ironically I have encouraged his activity in part to assuage my own guilt and have even looked for and found partners for him. This has happened more than a few times. Then he feels so responsible for them that he can't do enough for them. He knows he is not and will not be alone because we are best friends. But yes he feels our sexual relationship must not have been that special for me because he sees me as "doing better" who yes I enjoy but would never choose to be married to. Where I went wrong was expecting too much of him sexually too soon in our relationship - which of course he took as a challenge which he handled very well from almost the first time to my great relief - but - because he never considered his own enjoyment enough (except on some occasions) it became just something he did for me and eventually more work than love or enjoyment. Especially when he is seeing others who require less in terms of effort. Very perceptive comment Ice man. Much more I could say but probably too personal for this public forum. On the former site we could chat privately with one another which I miss here.
    • Ice man
      I respect your comments as well as understand what you mean, and agree about this not being private. I too miss the private mail feature, maybe with a little luck we'll have it here sometime in the future. ; )
    • officegirl
      Hope so, thank you.
  • just tell him that

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