Trust in a new relationship can be tough, even if there isn't a lot of "history" to deal with. On the one hand, you want to avoid jumping to conclusions: people do change. On the other hand, you don't want to be blind: often they don't change. The odds are good that she will cheat on you. But you can only deal with what's here-and-now, yes? Two things come to mind: to the extent that you're depending on her to be trustworthy... i.e. to the degree you "need" her, you're vulnerable. Why do you need her? I don't mean "why do you love her?", that parts fine... but why do you NEED her? What is it that you think you need that she provides? I suspect there's some clinging going on -- some belief about yourself that gets *sort of* resolved by being in this relationship, but is always anxious. I think that's worth investigating. The other thing that comes to mind is communication -- talking straight. Have you told her you don't trust her? If you're dancing around that issue, it will make things more complicated. It doesn't have to be an accusation, a simple "I have recurring thoughts that I can't trust you not to cheat" will do. You don't have to "work it out" with her and have a long discussion, but that suspicion isn't something to be hiding away inside your own head, it's too serious. Maybe she ain't the girl for you, I don't know. But try to remain aware, do your best, and don't fall into self-deception. Good luck.

If you can't trust her and you can't get over her past you shouldn't be with her. And you should be worried about the cheating, once a cheater always a cheater. You already know she's messed in the head what more do you need to prove to you that this is not a good idea? A kick in the crotch? Break it off now and call yourself lucky.

what do you think you do? get rid of her. then head for the doctor, make sure you don't have any-thing that will make your stuff fall off.

Thanks everyone. Stableboy, your response was excellent. Yes, I know I'm clingy. I don't want to be alone, but I know that I can't be with someone just for that reason. The problem is that she's really great in all other ways - we have many things in common that I've never found before. And I want to give her the benefit of the doubt that she will change. But I've done that before too and it didn't work. Yes, I've told her I don't fully trust her. She appears to be very understanding and now tells me about any contact she has with her exes, which is helpful but I feel it's ridiculous to have to do that in a relationship, that that just isn't right. She's really great about that. But then she does sometimes lie to me about it as well. Not just not tell me, but if I ask a question, in context, she tells me the opposite. And then it reverts back into her being distant and needing space. Then when I start to pull away, she comes back. I hate this, but I feel like I'm the one with the problem. I just feel like I'm being manipulated and that she's only telling me what I want to hear, not what's really inside her. I'm just so confused about it.

What has her past got to do with you? You weren't there, it was before you met. Why are you worrying over things of which you had absolutley no involvement? Does this make sense to you? Does it sound logical? Her past has nothing to do with you and it is none of your business. In the same way, yours is none of hers. We all have a past you know and we all have skeletons in our closet. If you think you won't approve of her past, then don't ask about it. It is none of your concern. If you can't get over it, then what's the point of carrying on? If she wants to cheat on you, then she will do. There's nothing you can do to prevent this. You do not have the power to make her do, or not do anything, nobody does. You can spend 24 hours per day worrying if she will cheat on you and it will make no difference what-so-ever to the end result. She will do it, if she wants to. There is no point in keeping on and on about it to her, she can't change the past. If all of this (worrying) is affecting your life and you are miserable, then perhaps the price of being in a relationship with her, is too high. Bear in mind however, that everybody has a past (including you) and you will be hard pushed to find another who is pure as the driven snow and whose past you can cope with. Next time, don't ask about previous partners etc.