Is asking my boyfriend his email password invading his privacy?

Asking is an invasion of his privacy, but there is something much more important that doesn't seem to have been addressed here... how much privacy do both of you want in the relationship?

Every relationship is different.

My girlfriend has my bank account number, pin number, e-mail passwords, cell phone account password, voicemail password, friend's telephone numbers, and social security number. I have most of hers as well.

Some of it was straightforward: She borrowed my debit card one day when she needed money, and she wanted to download some of the pictures (mostly of me and her) that I had uploaded from my cell phone.

But I also found it adventageous for our relationship to squash any doubt that I was being faithful (my girlfriend had some bad experiences in that department in the past). I had nothing to hide, and have the firm belief that if you're going to be in a dedicated and loving relationship...then there's no reason why you should close any part of your life to that person. It brings us closer in my opinion when she is free to see what I am doing and who I am talking too when she's not around, and can ask me questions about my friends, my beliefs, my experiences, and anything else that I may not have forgotten at the time, or not thought to expose to her.

It's worked very well for us, but of course...not every relationship will thrive in this manner.

Does your boyfriend desire to have a private life from you? If so, have you asked him why? How would you feel if he asked you for your e-mail password? Would you be willing to give him yours? Would you give him your cell phone to browse through your contacts list? Do you have any of the boundaries that you are asking him to break?

Also important is to examine why you are asking him. It's not wrong to want to know who he is talking to, but if you are worried about who he is talking to then there is some trust issues that need to be worked out if you want your relationship to thrive. If you are looking to impersonate him through his e-mail, stir up trouble or dive into aspects of his life that he doesn't feel comfortable sharing with you then that is most definately wrong. And if he is in fact uncomfortable with it, you should ask him why.

Every person has different feelings on the appropriate level of privacy in a relationship, and every relationship is at a different point in the establishment of trust. He may recognize giving you his password as an avenuve for your developing trust in him...then again, he may see it as a reflection of your lack of trust in him. Some believe trust is learned, others believe it's an element of faith.

Before you ask him for his password, ask these questions of yourself, and talk to him about what he believes regarding privacy in a relationship.

You've asked a question that is deeper than it seems on the surface, and if you can get to the root of your asking, you'l probably find the answer youself.

Best of luck to you both!
shaggy
synapse7@att.net if you have any further questions!

Why do you need it? Don't you trust him? I think it is a gross invasion of privacy. :(

The act of asking does *not* invade his privacy. Partners are pretty much free to ask one another about anything. Attempting to obtain it without his co-operation or knowledge is an invasion of privacy. If he gives you his password in response to your request or otherwise, he is placing a certain level of trust in you to behave responsibly. Violating this trust could very well put you into the position of invading his privacy. Declining to provide you with his password does not indicate that he has anything to hide or does not trust you. It is simply a preference.

I have told my partner where I keep a record of my umpteen passwords for my accounts. She does not know what the passwords are, but where they can be found. This is important if she needs access to, for example, bank and investment accounts promptly, rather than waiting until access is granted to her as executor. My father did much the same for me with certain of his accounts before he died and this simplified getting immediate access to accounts to cover expenses for the care of my mother. I also had access to his e-mail, so that I could respond promptly to people on his behalf.

Simply asking is not a violation of anyone's privacy.

Yes. And completely unacceptable.

Email is a form of identity, and if you have his password you are able to impersonate him.

Do you have the PIN for his bank account? Thought not. If you have a joint bank account fine, but I bet you don't go anywhere near his individual account.

If you want to share his email establish a joint email account - plenty of people do this.

Depends what you want to use it for. If it's to read his private, personal e-mails then yes, of course it is. If there's some practical reason, like mail about joint purchases or bills going to his account, then not necessarily. EDIT- ok, maybe I phrased that badly. I meant simply to add that if he refuses to give the password when asked (for whatever reason) it would be invasive to pursue the matter.

Why would you want to know his password in the first place? I mean, maybe you don't trust him...if you don't trust him there are far more important questions to ask than his password.

Yes.

I gave my gf access to all my pass even before she'd even think of it. But, I decided it and not her but if she had asked for it without proper reason, I'd find it gross.

PS.
gf=ex gf i mean

Yes I believe it is an invasion of his privacy.

It also would seem as if you do not trust him.

I don't think so but manipulating him to get it or finding it written on a piece of paper next to the computer and using it without his permission would be. He has an Identity. You should respect it. Have you given him your password or has he asked for it?

OMG ... it's gotten late and I'm such an idiot. I completely misread the question, and almost put the stupidest answer out there!!
Yes, it's an invasion of his privacy. I don't even ask my HUSBAND for his E-mail password, and he doesn't ask for mine. If you have trust issues, find another way to resolve them. If you're worried about what's in his mailbox you need to address this at the source, not in an oblique manner.

Asking is never an invasion of privacy, ever. You have your own reasons for asking him for this information but you should first ask yourself why you even want to ask him in the first place. There is obviously something that has happened to have made you not feel 100% secure and it could be because he did something or just something bad or reoccurring in your past. Maybe a past boyfriend cheated on you or maybe you just love this guy so much you are paranoid that you might lose him. All women have felt insecure in a relationship at one time or another and they have every reason to. Women can be scandalous, yes, but it is a fact that men are more apt to going outside of a relationship for sexual gratification.
I suggest asking a less intrusive question such as \"I have been feeling insecure and it would really squash any doubts for me if I could see that you are being faithful... would you mind showing me in your email account that I have nothing to worry about?\". If he totally flips out it can be one of two things 1) He's freaking out because he really doesn't want to show what may be in there or 2) He is insulted that you'd even ask. However, if you two are a couple in love, in the end, he shouldn't mind showing you what is currently in his email account. Do not make it a habit to ask and don't ask for his password because that is asking too much and you'll get an undesired reaction which will further your insecurities.
Hope this helps!

I don't think asking or having your boyfriend's password is invasive at all. I know my boyfriend's. My feelings are that if he is honest with me and has nothing to hide, he should have no problem letting me have access to his emails. If you ask for his password, offer to allow him to have yours as well. That shows that you're willing to let him in as much as you want to be in on a private part of his life. Hope this helps! :)

The mere act of asking is hardly an invasion of privacy, but it will probably offend him. You're asking for the ability to send and receive email in his name and read his email archives. You'd also be able to delete old messages and intercept new ones. If you haven't revealed your reasons or intentions, he may assume any number of things.

I'm guessing his is a web-based email account, since most email clients that store mail locally don't require a password to read the archives. In either case, having his password would enable you to impersonate him through email, which could be used to get him into all sorts of trouble. He'd have to trust you not to. Note that the account provider's terms of service may forbid account sharing.

As for the archives, I can't imagine a guy not having at least something he wouldn't want his significant other to see. I think your best bet is to be honest with him about what you're looking for, and he can show it to you. If it's just a few messages, he can easily forward them to you, assuming you have an email account of your own.

If he's doing something harmful to you, then you of course deserve to know, but he's still likely to be offended when you ask.

Asking for it isn't invading his privacy. But unless there is a good measure of trust between you, he might suspect that you will use it to invade his privacy if he reveals it to you.

The general consensus here seems to be that people are appalled at a partner even asking for it - this is puzzling to me since partners should be able to communicate freely. If just asking gets that kind of reaction, it means that the relationship isn't too solid to begin with.

yes. how would you feel if he asked you for your password?

Asking- no.
Demanding or the use of trickery to get it - yes.

Yes, it is definitely invading his privacy. There is really no need for it, unless you don't trust him.

If he gives it to you willingly, no.

It's not like you're hacking his account.

I think its kinda like listening in on a phone call.

It's a bit weird to ask for his email password, especilly if you intend to use it

He will think it is, but I think if they have nothing to hide they should give it.

Not if he's stupid enough to give it to you.

yes

Yes....

Well, after 21 months it's got the point where all I do is give the benefit of the doubt and all he does is still keep things from me. "Oh, I have an appointment but it's none of your business what's it's for". Another issue....he met my kids early on (about 4 months into the relationship) but I have never officially met his. There are a lot of red flags here but I have a very difficult time walking.

Yes it is. You need to ask yourself why you want it so bad.

Asking is not invading his privacy. If you use it or do not except no as an answer, that is invading his privacy.

No, as long as you don't bother him about it if he doesn't tell you it.

Not If its done for the first time.But if You keep on asking instead of his denial then its sure invation of privacy.There are many things like sensitive informations or logs that a person might fear loosing incase some one else gets the password.Its not always that he is not giving the password as he is hooked up with some other girl.

He might not show his grades,his Salary slip,his Property or bank account informations .All people dont find it comfortabble sharing all these.

Many people said sharing passwords and such shows a certain level of trust between two people.
However, it's ALSO a form of trust when you feel confident enough in your relationship to NOT need to know your partner's passwords to personal email accounts. Unless like someone above said about having bills or bank information that concerns both of you sent to his account, there's no reason you need access to his email unless you're checking up on him.
The whole 'he'll be fine with it if he has nothing to hide' is a little silly. So now we take away the privacy of the innocent? Even if its for pure reasons (or to 'test' his trust of you by asking), it's bound to make him feel suspicious of you, and assume you don't trust him enough to allow him his privacy. That in itself could hurt the relationship.
I don't find couples sharing that information weird, since it does work for a lot of people for various reasons. But your boyfriend should choose if and when to give that to you himself. Unless there's some reason that you doubt his faithfulness or something to the point you need to monitor him... and in that case, you should just end the relationship there.
Really wish the questioner would have provided more info...

No

I'm not sure that *asking* is invading his privacy, though it's certainly a prviacy issue.

I suppose it depends on why you want it or what you plan on doing with it. If you're up front about it and he wants to give it to you -- it doesn't seem to be an invasion to me.

If you ask for it, he asks you why and you give him a line of crap and use it for nefarious purposes -- that's certainly a violation of privacy I think.

If you ask for it and he just straight up gives it -- he probably doesn't consider it to private and thus, you're not invading his privacy.

However, any way you look at it.. it's a privacy issue but I don't know if this rises to the level of invading privacy, but I suppose that depends on your relationship and purposes for asking.

Yes, of course it is an invasion of privacy.

Are you testing this guy?

Why would you want it in the first place other than to prove
a point, to read his mail or to view who is sending him mail.
Perhaps you don't trust him enough or you are just a nosy
kind of person. Maybe a control freak.

Your boyfriend is not obligated to give you his passwords
for anything, including computer programs or bank cards.

Email is no different than non-electronic mail.
Surely you would not ask his permission to open that mail too.

Just by asking for his email password suggests invasion of privacy.

This is not a popular answer and perhaps not what you wish to hear
but you walk a fine line when you invade the privacy of others.

This depends completely on the boyfriend, personally I'd give mine to my girlfriend without any problems. Do you trust him, would you asking for this make him think you don't? Might want to consider that before you ask.

It will never matter what a stranger thinks is invading privacy when it comes to the personal level, you'll have to figure this out on your own.

yes it is. while you are at it ask for a blood sample, a finger print ten card and implant a RFID-GPS unit in his shoulder.

My question to you is, why do you not trust him? Is it something from your past or are you just a nosey bitch?

Will you be willing to let him have your voice mail password, your email password and those for your twitter, facebook and myspace accounts.

Technically, no. It's only a request for a license to invade.

It's as if George Bush had asked Saddam Hussein to approve 150,000 passports for American soldiers in early 2003 so that they could have Spring Break on the Iraq frontier. See? The request for the passport approval itself isn't the invasion, it's what comes afterward.

Yes why do you need it?

Sure, I have my significant other's password but I didn't ask for (given to me over the phone to get a phone number out) but I don't ever go into the account nor do I have the desire to. I have so much trust that I know I don't have anything worry so why read over messages regarding random heroes info?

What does your heart tell you. If you realy love someone the trust should be enouch, to let him have his privacy. I think we all like a little privacy.

Yeah. What do you need his password for?

asking for someone's password is a bit invasive. Do you not trust him? If you did trust him you would not need his password.

Im not at all trying to be rude, but sometimes the answer that you seek is found more in the dictionary than anywhere else.

Look up the word Invading and then ask yourself what you think from the perspective of what would you want someone to do with you under the same circumstances.

"Invading" is a strong word. It implies abusing and taking, overstepping common bounds and doing it by force... Is that what you think it would be to simply ask for permission to access something private, or are you planning on just doing it anyway?

His answer to your request, could and might be seen as invasive, but not literally invading as in the act of, because if he says no... then your only choice will be to trust blind and hope for the best.

Which is all any of us really have at the end of the day anyway because a liar and a cheater... Is going to find a way no matter what you do to try and counter it.

Your best bet concerning trusting anyone else. Is to always know and trust yourself first and foremost above and beyond anyone elses actions or potential to do you harm.

Yes

well, i recntly had been trying to crack my bf's password, i was guessing everything he liked, then i just asked him for it, so i could send an email to someone on his list.. well i felt bad since his password was my name.

But, i found evidance he was cheating, but it turns out he wasnt, so .. i would say ask him for it, but, dont read something, and automatically think the worst.

you would be invading his privacy by hacking into his email. if he agrees to give you his pw than you're not exactly invading his privacy but that seems a little paranoid to me for you to snoop through his stuff. i personally would say no if a guy i was dating asked for the pw to my email or anything else. anything he needs to know, he can ask me and if he can't trust me then maybe it's not meant to be.

No, but why do you want to read his e-mail? Will you let him read yours? Where is the trust in the relationship?
If you suspect your boyfriend is up to something, you may be right. But if he gives you his password, he will probably erase any evidence you are looking for anyway.

Well, my girlfriend... the other day, went through over 8 years worth of emails... yes 8 years! It took her about an hour per years worth too! So, she spent 8 hours plus in the other room on her laptop while I was having my "me" time in the computer room just gaming, computer programming, and simple hobbies I participate in at my PC. I apparently left my email open on her laptop earlier that day and forgot! I was never asked for a password and I certainly was never approached about ANYTHING. She hid it even while she was doing it! Today, she did it again while I was away this morning and left my shxx open because I was in a hurry! This time I pressed her about why my PC screen was on and she opened up and told me. I am SO Fing MAD! Especially since there was ABSOLUTELY nothing in my emails that would justify her lack of trust and respect for my privacy! Even worse, she doesn't even slightly feel like she went overboard....hmmm.... 8 years people!

So, I only WISH she would have asked me. I didnt even get that! Now, I gotta lock all my SHxx just out of spite! Well, until she understands the invasion of privacy and how retarded that was and apologizes from the bottom of her heart. I would open my past to her when Im comfortable with it. Now, I just feel disrespected, judged, and, actually, raped emotionally. Thats BAD!

ASK for the Fing password you DAxxxx paranoid, insecure women! DONT SNOOP and betray a trust! If you should freaking ask... you better be prepared to get slammed with questions of integrity, trust, respect... and even your actual love for your partner! IF you treat your partner like he/she is doing something wrong... your liable to "FEAR" it into existence through your actions. Now, I have some MAJOR trust and insecurity issues I have to deal with and it will be hard not to break everything I touch while arguing! SAD!

Too much ignorance all from a little uncontrolled emotions!

Well, what are your intentions? What do you want to do with his password? The only reason I can think of is you want access to all his personal emails. That shows a desire to invade his privacy. Asking for the password isn't invading his privacy, but it makes apparent your desire to read HIS personal emails, which IS.
I think maybe you should ask yourself why you have this desire. Is it simple curiosity? If so, I don't think this is the appropriate time to exercise it! Find a hobby or something to keep you busy.
Is it because you are suspicious of him? If so, stop and think about whether or not your suspicions are well founded. If you truly think they are, keep your eyes and ears open, or simply have a frank discussion with him. Asking for his password just might alienate him, and ruin an otherwise decent relationship.

My now ex boyfriend gave me his passworkd one evening to read an email that he had received. Then he starting acting like he had something else going on. Kept checking his phone messages over & over and just acted like it was a chore to hang out with me. It was like the good angel and bad angel on my shoulders. I sat in front of the computer with these voices, "don't look, yes look" I did read emails to this woman that he just wanted to spoil, get to know better, and just spend time with her. I was floored. I had a gut feeling that just wouldn't got away. I told him about it, and he was shocked that I would invade his privacy this way. We've been in a relationship for two years and he said he didn't want to share me with anyone. Needless to say I kicked him to the curb. The valuable lesson. Trust your gut! If you have a feeling you don't need to snoop! So I would say ask other questions before you feel the need to be reading emails.

What's the guy got to hide and why is he confiding in you? If there is something on his e-mails he's ashamed to have you see, then he has a problem, not you. Sounds like he's the one with the trust issue.

My general rule, if someone is writing or receiving e-mails that they wouldn't want their significant other to see, they probably shouldn't be indulging in it in the first place. Either way, you'll have to let him be his own moral judge, since you can't force him to confide in you. So in the end, you've got to take it or leave it.