earlier today i was walkin down the street and this guy asked if i had a lighter. i said "nope, sorry dude." i walked around the corner and, somehow, i noticed there was a black lighter underneath this bush by the sidewalk. so i crawled through the friggen bush and grabbed it. it was full of fluid and worked perfectly. so i ran around the corner and caught up to the guy and said "here you go, keep it." and he gave me a weird look.

once upon a time there was a frog on a log. then he croaked and fell in the water. the end.

There is a river with a bridge over it, and a WIFE and her HUSBAND live in a house on one side. The WIFE has a LOVER who lives on the other side. The only way to get across the river is to walk across the bridge or ask the BOATMAN to take you. The HUSBAND has to go on an overnight business trip in a faraway town.. The WIFE pleads with him to take her with him. She knows if he doesn't she'll be unfaithful to him. The HUSBAND absolutely refuses to take her because she will only be in the way of his important business. So the husband goes alone. That night the WIFE goes over the bridge & stays with her LOVER. Dawn is almost up when the WIFE leaves because she must be back home before her HUSBAND returns. She starts across the bridge but sees an ASSASSIN waiting for her on the other side. She knows if she tries to cross, he will murder her. In terror, she runs up the side of the river and asks the BOATMAN to take her across the river, but he wants half-a-crown. She has no money, so he refuses to take her. The WIFE runs back to the LOVER'S house & explains her predicament and asks him for the half-a-crown to pay the BOATMAN. The LOVER refuses, telling her it's her own fault for getting into this situation. As dawn comes up the WIFE is nearly out of her mind & decides to dash across the bridge. When she comes face to face with the ASSASSIN, he takes a large knife and stabs her until she is dead. How to do this test. Now give the names of the five characters in the order in which you think they were most responsible for the WIFE'S death. ie The WIFE, HUSBAND, LOVER, ASSASSIN, & BOATMAN in the order you think they are most guilty. You need to take the rest of this "test" here: http://www.omax.co.uk/massager/river.htm

C-o-m-e listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed, A poor college kid, barely kept his family fed, But then one day he was talking to a recruiter, Who said, "they pay big bucks if ya work on a computer..." Windows, that is... PC's... Internet... Well, the first thing ya know ol' Jed's an engineer. The kinfolk said "Jed, move away from here". They said "California is the place ya oughta be", So he packed up his disks and moved to Silicon Valley... Intel, that is... Pentium ... big amusement park... On his first day at work, they stuck him in a cube. Fed him lots of donuts and sat him at a tube. They said "your project's late, but we know just what to do. Instead of 40 hours, we'll work you 52!" OT, that is... unpaid... no personal days... The weeks rolled by and things were looking bad. Schedules started slipping and some managers were mad. They called another meeting and decided on a fix. The answer was simple... "We'll work him 66!" Tired, that is... stressed out... no social life... Months turned to years and his hair was turning gray. Jed worked very hard while his life slipped away. Waiting to retire when he turned 64, Instead he got a call and escorted out the door. Laid off, that is... de-briefed... unemployed... Now the moral of the story is listen to what you're told, Companies will use you and discard you when you're old. So gather up your friends and start up your own firm, Beat the competition, watch the bosses squirm. Millionaires, that is... Bill Gates... Steve Jobs... Y'all come back now... ya hear'

I was sitting in my room one night in the pitch black and then I heard something and then I saw 2 red eyes glaring back at me.

when i seen the red eyes i got scared and reached for a flashlight when i shined it on the eyes i was shocked to see ....

You never know what's going to happen on your shift until it does. while patrolling a parking lot, and coming across a red Jeep Cherokee with the passenger door opened. I looked around but saw no one, but as I got closer I noticed a man on the passenger side with his head on the pavement, arms above his head. I'm thinking that the man may have killed himself with a gun. I walked around to the side the man was on, I saw a woman-half naked, bobbing up and down on him with her mouth. Before I can say anything, she see' me, jumps up, and runs around to the drivers side and gets in. The next thing I knew, they were hauling ass out of there, leaving me intrigued, awed, and a little relieved the guy didn't shoot himself with a gun he was only getting it cleaned!