My fiance and I are living together (as roommates/no sex) -- is this still a sin?

I'm doing the same thing... we did this so my money could be concentrated towards the wedding - our parents are not contributing at all - and so far, we're doing fine.

We've kept it on the DL... my pastor doesn't know... but I can't find any sin in it. Thankfully, we're getting married in 30 days, so not much longer a wait ^_^

I'm sorry, for I didn't define "scandal" in one sense of the word. While you have a right definition, I am referring to is "conduct that causes or encourages a lapse of faith or of religious obedience in another" (Webster's).

The sin of scandal is precisely the behavior which leads another to do evil. In this case, there are two interpretations: they lead others to do the evil of gossiping, or they lead others to do the evil of having marital relations outside of marriage. You are absolutely right in saying that a couple is not fully culpable (i.e. not guilty) for leading others to gossip. Gossiping is a sin which is out of control of the subject of the gossiping.

On the other hand, they can lead others to do the evil of having extra-marital sex. By living together (sex or no sex) while unmarried, a couple is generally perceived as having conjugal relations. That is just how it widely appears, and the couple is responsible also for that appearance. The couple then sets an example to others that living together and having conjugal relations outside of marriage are OK and there is no problem with it. Here lies the scandal because it sets the example and promotes what they are perceived as doing.

For these reasons, living together with no sex is a sin. But how grave the sin is depends on how likely scandal is to result from it. For example, if the couple is looked up to by a lot of people (like with celebrities), then it is very grave. If the couple publicly declares often that they are unmarried and living together, then it is also grave. If everybody assumes that the couple is married, then it wouldn't be too grave. (On the other hand, they would be living a lie which is a different sin.)

No you are not committing a sin, unless it is in thought.
I have always found the idea that the thought is as bad as the deed rather a difficult one to believe.

I feel that if you are abstaining it must be much more difficult living in the same house, in my opinion you are being extremely good and I am sure that your Priest would counsel the same.

Good Luck for your future together.

If there is no sex involved, you are doing fine. You obviously are trying very hard to stay true to your beliefs, and that is admirable. However, I would advise you to marry reasonably quickly, as humans are not meant to be under that sort of pressure for long times. All the best and blessings.

First I want to give my congratulations for your promise to marry! It is a beautiful Sacrament, and I honestly send my prayers!

Now for the answer: There are two parts to any action: that which is internal and that which is external. It is not a sin in itself to live together and abstain from sex, which is very noble that you are able to do such a thing. This is the internal part of your living together. When we look at the external part, you are guilty of the sin of scandal. When the public sees two people living together, there is nothing stopping them from thinking that premarital sex is in the picture. Hence, it promotes an idea contrary to the holiness of marriage, and this is where scandal is.

I might suggest that if possible, try to live separate for the time of preparation of marriage, so that you may have a free conscience. Otherwise, I might suggest that you talk to the priest for his input: it would also show that you are willing to do anything to have a good and holy start to your lifelong commitment to each other!

The "no sex" part sounds like a sin!

dont sweat sin. sin isnt anything but a guilt trip. just have fun, have sex, dont get pregnant. dont even get married, save money from the wedding. just live together. just change your names, no one will ask for a wedding license. you can forget sin. jesus died on the cross to cancell out sin for the whole world. now there is only one law, the law of love. God is Love. Yah Yah, sin is everywhere in the new testament. Believe me just give sin the brush off. it does no good. Give it a kick out the door. Sin was just for the jews. Not for the Gentiles. Its a big brainwash. It is guilt we dont need. Its fake.

Sounds like this Doctrine might help answer some of Ur Questions. This is a good time to be asking them as well. Enjoy! John

DOCTRINE OF RIGHT MAN AND RIGHT WOMAN

A. The right woman is the oldest and one of many grace gifts to man.
1. There are three prominent grace gifts from Christ to man delineated
in Scripture, and these are the order in which they occur in the human race:
a. Right woman, He built her, Prov 18:22, 19:13-14.
b. Salvation, He did it.
c. Doctrine, He thought it, 1 Cor 2:16.
2. In all of human history, right woman is the oldest human gift, for
Christ brought the woman to the man, Gen 2:18.
3. The fall of man did not change their relationship.

B. Attacks on the gift of right man/right woman.
1. Reversionism, especially phallic reversionism is an attack on the
concept of right man/right woman.
2. Life in the cosmic system is an attack on right man/right woman.
3. All mental attitude sins attack right man/right woman, SOS 8:6, 8;
Prov 27:4, 6:34.
4. Negative volition to doctrine is an attack on right man/right
woman, Jer 15:8-9, 15-21, 16:1-2, 17:9-11, 12:7-9. Negative volition to
doctrine destroys right man/right woman relationship.
5. Scripture: Prov 5, 6:20-32; 1 Cor 11:3-16; Jer 31:22; Eccel
7:26-29.
6. No disaster, pressure, or unfaithful act, can destroy personal love
between a right man and a right woman.
7. The greatest attack on right man/right woman comes from the soul:
scar tissue of the soul, emotional revolt of the soul, and reversionism.
These attacks are accompanied by fornication and promiscuity.

C. Perversions of Right Man/Right Woman.
1. Auto-erotism, masturbation, or self-response to self.
2. Homosexuality or lesbianism, Lev 18:22; Rom 1:26-27.
3. Bestiality, Lev 18:23.
4. Fornication, Ex 20:14; Prov 5:20, 6:32.

D. Analogies of Right Man/Right Woman.
1. Right man/right woman is used to teach many types of doctrine since
it is one of the most common relationships to the human race.
2. The Lord and Israel, Jer 2, 3, 13; Ezek 16, 23.
3. The Lord and the Church, Eph 5:26-33.
4. Operation Z, James 1:19-22.
5. Christ, the shepherd and bishop of the believer's soul, 1 Pet 2:25
cf 1 Pet 3:1.
6. The mature believer is the glory of God, 1 Cor 11:7.

E. Right Man/Right Woman Related to the Laws of Divine Establishment.
1. Monogamy is designed to remind the human race that there is only
one right man for one right woman and visa versa, 1 Cor 7:2-4.
2. Under these laws marriage becomes the second divine institution.
3. Marriage is still the protection of romantic love, Heb 13:4; 1 Cor
7:9; 1 Tim 5:14; Rom 7:2-3; Gen 2:24-25; Eph 5:22, 25, 28, 31, 33.
4. Marriage forms the basis for stability in society, and rejects the
theory and practice of anarchy, promiscuity, and communal living.
5. Marriage is also protected by the third divine institution, family,
where parents have the responsibility of training their children.
6. The husband is the authority in the marriage, Eph 5:22.
7. God protects the woman from tyranny by the training of the little
boy by his mother. His mother teaches the man respect for womanhood, and
keeps him from becoming an animal. Prov 31:1-2.
8. Once the couple is married, the doctrine of right man/right woman
no longer applies. Now it is a matter of honor, integrity, and impersonal
love which must provide the power for the marriage to work.

F. The Man and Woman's Relationship at the Fall.
1. After the Fall, God confirms the fact that the man's authority is
not changed, even though he responded to the woman, Eph 3:16b, 5:22.
2. In Gen 3:6 we see the reversal of the roles of the man and woman in
the Fall.
3. Until the Fall, sex had been a total pleasure and an experience of
perfect happiness. After the Fall, a secondary role is added: it is the
means of perpetuating the human race. Without children they had only
themselves to consider. But with children a second authority develops of
parents over children, and this develops problems and complications in the
right man/right woman relationship.
4. Therefore, the woman bears the children, Gen 3:15, and through her
comes Jesus Christ, Gen 3:16.

G. The Recognition of Right Man/Right Woman.
1. Personal love is recognized by both parties.
2. Right man can always tell the mood of his right woman by her voice.
The right man's soul will have a total understanding of the right woman's
soul, emotions, moods, etc.
3. The right woman may love or hate her right man, but she cannot stop
thinking about him. Right man/right woman can never be just friends.
4. You won't be adjusted to people until you find right man/right
woman.
5. Every time right man is with right woman, it is a blessing to him.
6. The man cannot work to get his right woman; it is a grace gift from
God. God always brings the right woman to the right man. Grace takes up
the slack before you find right woman. Doctrine is your right woman until
God leads her to you. You don't need to date others while waiting.
7. If a woman doesn't recognize God's authority, she will never
recognize her right man's authority. Long hair on a woman is a sign of the
right man's authority over her. Wearing long hair is a sign that a woman is
waiting for her right man.
8. Your right woman will not react to you. Bitchiness in a woman is
an indication of the wrong woman.
9. A wrong woman is always dressing to show off what she has
physically.
10. With the right woman there is a period of waiting, resisting
temptation, and a period of doubt before God brings the right woman to the
right man.

H. Right Man/Right Woman and the Soul Climax, 1 Cor 7:8-9.
1. When you find your right woman, physical compatibility is no
problem; the difficulty is recognition in the soul.
a. Right man/right woman are not ashamed or disappointed in each
other physically. The right woman fits the right man perfectly in sex. The
right woman's body is the most magnificent thing to the right man.
b. You cannot make a woman your right woman by having sex with
her.
c. Right woman is a storm of passion when the right man makes
love to her. When the right man makes love to his right woman, he satisfies
her soul as well as her body. This gives her insatiability. The right man
sees his right woman as personifying symmetry and beauty.
d. Jesus Christ is the giver of sex as the total concept of
happiness with one's right woman.
e. Before your right woman comes along, you must have an affair
with Bible doctrine by taking in doctrine every day until it becomes the
love of your life.
2. When the right woman comes along, both will have a soul climax.
a. Sexual burning is not a soul climax. This is an indication of
wrong woman. Fornication excludes the soul, and therefore always produces
wrong man/wrong woman. Shopping around is human viewpoint.
b. The soul climax is the divine design of recognition of your
right man or right woman. "Burning" has nothing to do with libido. It
refers to when two souls have climaxed and are not yet able to make love
because the two people are not yet married. No sex can compare with the sex
between right man and right woman.
c. Therefore, it is better to marry than to burn in personal love
for right man or right woman after you have made the soul identification.
The right man or right woman can make identification without touching.
c. The right woman always emphasizes the soul of her right man
when they first know each other. She is looking for his precious soul. The
right man is the most precious thing to the right woman, but she emphasizes
his soul and hunts for that soul.
d. To recognize his right woman, the right man needs only to have
the soul climax; no physical contact is necessary. There is no need for
heavy necking before getting married. Heavy necking knocks out the ability
of the right woman to recognize her right man via a soul climax.
e. The soul climax is being out from soul control, because
someone else so stimulates your soul. This is the only person who pulls you
away from your own self-consciousness into being more aware of them than
yourself. You become more thoughtful of them, interested in them, and more
concerned and involved with them than yourself.
f. A super-rapport develops where the two people cannot wait to
share what has happened while they were apart. They enjoy conversation, and
even their silence has super-rapport.
g. Sex before marriage destroys your capacity to have a soul
climax, Prov 6:32. Abstaining from fornication protects the soul, so that
it can have a soul climax and the fantastic happiness Christ wants every
member of the human race to have. God isn't trying to keep you from having
fun, but from missing out on greater fun than Satan and his cosmic system
can provide.
h. Mentally this person becomes your frame of reference for
everything. All memories are related to this person. Over a period of time
your norms and standards change so that this person is the honorable one,
while other people are insignificant. In your viewpoint, everything in life
is related to that right man or right woman. From your volition, you adjust
your life with pleasure to please your right partner. You dress to please
them and omit things in life to please them. Your emotion has a fantastic
response to them.
i. If you are in emotional revolt of the soul, you cannot have a
soul climax.
j. The soul climax is that soul identification in every
compartment of the essence of the soul, which stimulates total soul
concentration on a member of the opposite sex. It is involuntary total soul
concentration.
k. Total involvement of the soul essence means that the climax of
the soul as an identifier will cover every area of the soul except the old
sin nature.
l. The right man fulfills her norms and standards, principles,
categories, provides soul stimulation, and gives reality to her romantic
dreams.
3. The soul climax is the divine design for recognition of your right
man or right woman.

I. Identification of the Right Woman, Prov 31:10-31.
1. Verse 10 says that your right woman will have certain things for
you that she doesn't have for anyone else. The man must recognize her first
and be aggressive to her. The man makes the identification first.
2. In verse 11, the right woman becomes a home to the right man. The
heart of the man is at home with the right woman's soul. The right woman
regards the right man as her lord. The right man's right lobe has
confidence in her. This is called love-security of the soul. The right
woman won't flirt, tease, or think about some other guy. She is totally
occupied with him when he is absent.
3. In verse 12, the right woman will do good to the right man, show
him good, and cause him good.
4. In verse 13, the right woman makes decisions to please her right
man. The right woman dresses only to please her right man. Her soul is so
occupied with him that she is motivated to always appear in clothing he
appreciates. She searches diligently to find clothes to impress him. She
works with pleasure because it is for her right man.
5. Verse 14 says that she goes to extra effort to find things for her
right man to please him, like his favorite food.
6. Verse 15 says that her mental attitude determines how things go
around the house. The right woman places love for her right man above her
own comfort and personal wants.
7. Verse 16 says that she pleases her right man in business, e.g., she
is an aggressive business woman.
8. In verse 17, her soul and body are at his disposal. She responds
to only her right man sexually, and anything goes. She encourages him with
her arms.
9. In verse 18, anything she does related to her right man always
tastes good to her. He always tastes good to her. She is stimulated by him
and in a state of perfect human happiness.
10. In verse 19, her hands are occupied with those things which bless
him. She gives him no cause for concern. She doesn't play games (cheat on
him), nor is she vindictive and seek revenge against him.
11. Verse 20 says that because her soul is full of grace happiness from
her right man, she extends grace to others.
12. Verse 21 says that the right woman anticipates certain kinds of
disaster and heads them off. She prepares for disaster before it arrives
and makes provision. Her instincts of love keep her concentrating on her
right man. She no longer depends on parties, outside friends, and fun. She
doesn't try to hurt her right man who is so vulnerable to her social or
mental unfaithfulness.
13. In verse 22, the right woman makes herself beautiful around the
house because her right man is there.
14. Verse 23 says that she is not a nag. The right woman makes it
possible for the right man to concentrate on work and be away from home
without worrying about her. She compliments and implements, but never
competes with her right man. She turns him on, but never puts him down.
She seduces him, but never belittles him.
15. In verse 24, the right woman supports her right man with fanatical
loyalty and love.
16. Verse 25 says that the right woman is the glory of her right man
and wears her glory in her soul, which includes having a sense of humor.
She has beauty of soul. She is totally relaxed, giving her the ability to
laugh at housework, office work, or whatever she must do.
17. In verse 26, when she speaks, the right man is thrilled because
wisdom comes out of her mouth. Divine viewpoint and Bible doctrine is the
basis of her conversation. She refrains from verbal sins.
18. In verse 27, she is alert in her soul and not idle.
19. Verse 28 says that her sons remember her with happiness.
20. In verse 29, she waits for her right man by taking in doctrine.
For the right man only one woman surpasses all others: his right woman.
21. Verse 30 says that you should not use physical beauty to determine
your right woman. Beauty is deceitful. Identification is made in the soul.
When you get turned on by some woman's looks, then you missed your
identification. She is not your right woman. Beauty, sex appeal, and a
great body, is not the basis for recognition of the right woman. Once
identification is made in the soul, you will find she has the most beautiful
body. The woman occupied with Christ will receive praise from her right
man.
22. In verse 31, the responsive right woman becomes aggressive with her
hands and lips. No wrong woman can compare. You don't have to prove
anything in public to others that you are right man/right woman; touching is
private.

J. The Responsiveness of the Right Woman.
1. When a woman is a true responder, she initiates her response from
her own free will. Right man/right woman have true communication.
2. A woman in response is aggressive. She doesn't stand around and
wait for the right man to be aggressive. He doesn't have to be the
aggressor on every occasion.
3. The right woman can respond to an aggressive act the right man
committed a year before. She is designed for compliments, recognition, and
individual attention.

K. The Submission of the Right Woman.
1. If a woman is in love, she is happy to surrender her volition to
the man and he will care for it. Without mental rapport, there is bad sex
life. If the woman doesn't give her soul, she is cheating her man.
2. Submission of the right woman is not slavery but fulfillment.
Grace inner beauty in the woman is something which the wrong man sees which
he cannot fulfill. A right woman may even change friends to please her
right man. The right woman's norms and standards will become one with her
right man's. One person's sins don't cause sins by the other person; the
same is true for human good.
3. The man should never demand anything from a woman, because he won't
get anything anyway. The man cannot demand volitional response or
appreciation.
4. The right woman is never shocked by the good or bad points of her
right man. Her right man is a point of doctrine. Because Bible doctrine is
in her soul and he is a point of doctrine, he is always in her soul, and
therefore she will always be faithful.
5. A woman goes quickly from objectivity to subjectivity because she
is a responder.
6. The right man will always give her something to which to respond.
She saves those things in her memory so that she can respond to them again.
7. The right man, positive to doctrine, will lead in spiritual things.
8. A woman has no security in life except the security of her right
man. When a man comes along and is faithful to her and no one else, and she
knows it, then that person has her attention forever.
9. When you keep a promise to a woman, it impresses her. She
responds. A woman who is a responder to too many things in life also makes
herself a reactor to many things in life. The more you respond, the more
you react.


Does it say it's wrong in the Bible, or did you just hear that in "the church"? Our biggest mistake as Christians is falling into tradition. How are you supposed to know someone if you don't first live with them? If you married a man you've been dating for 2 years and you have never lived with him, you can't honestly say you know this person. It's a possibility that he's been putting on a front the whole time or not. In some cases you have no idea of knowing. Then it's left up to your relationship with God and how often you talk to him and what he reveals to you. When you live with a person they can't hide anything. You see them at their worse times and in all their shame. When they're mad, glad, happy, or sad. Once you see all these emotions only then (other than your talk with God) can you decide whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. Btw yes I do believe in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit and I read my bible daily I just don't believe in religion.

Living together with your boyfriend or fiance, regardless of whether you are involved in a sexual relatinship or not, is contrary to the teachings of the Church. Love involves discipline and sacrifice. Living together becuase for financial reasons already dimishes your relationship. Did you also know that those who live together (sex or not) before they are married have a higher percentage of ending up divorced once they are married??!! There is a real maturity that is needed for marriage, why not start the right way?? There IS a reason why the Church strongly advices against it. There are many Christians who simply ignore this believing that well, now we're in the twenty first century. Morality doesn't change, whether you are in the 50's or 2010s. You'll have him soon, waiting a little longer to be together will only help you not hinder you.
God Bless