The fact that you told her shows you care about her and the relationship, and that's a start. You have to understand she's going to feel hurt, angry, scared and as though she's lost her trust in you. That takes a while to process. She'll likely go through peaks and valleys of emotion and you can't be surprised she's calling the relationship into question. Give her time, answer her questions honestly and remind her of your love for her and desire to make the relationship work. Sometimes a couples counselor can be very helpful in asissting couples to work through their thoughts and emotions, and often such therapy is covered by your health insurance plan. If you love, her tell her. In the future, if you love her, then show it with your fidelity. Good luck to you both.

It's over. You betrayed her trust and you ruined a perfectly good relationship to ge your rocks off. The only help I can give is for you to walk away and let her find someone who does love respect, and care about her. Something you don't.

Its done! you see, you messed up TWICE, you cheated, then you told! that is NOT smart. Did she know you cheated? NO! Was everything still good? YES! so you only have yourself to blame. I hope your happy! First you cheat, then you tell, what a idiot

Wow, hind sight is 20/20 isn't it! You can recover but it's going to take you some time, she'll never trust you again however. You got your work cut out for you. Comments; People always seem to focus on the negative worst case scenario, the first instinctive impulse, or emotional reaction as it pertains to them in a given situation. Sometimes, most always, the A does not always pertain to the person answering the Q. We don't know all the facts of the questioners relationship or situation, it is our unsung duty to provide assistance in the most extreme of situations by answering Q&A with both negative and positive viewpoints, I can tell a lot about Abaggers by the way they answer Q's, whether they are more a negative person or a positive person or an equal to person, and this most often, strikes up disagreements and arguements, in any given scenario. The sky isn't always falling folks, there is always hope.

SORRY. Trust it one of the things you may NEVER get back. You may be better off for both of you to split apart. she may never trust you again ( or for a heck of a long tome) (is that any way for either of you two to live ? what kind of a relationship would that be ? Sorry to say, YOU BLEW IT ! .:( Next time think with wour heart...and your big head (not the little head) :)

thank you so much for your feedback. its been helpful. I do realise in my head that its over (well more than likely), but in my heart i still feel in time that things may not get totally resolved but at least they can be partly rebuilt. I am living in London but have to go back to australia in a few months time. i have always put her first and have always given her the utmost love and respect (before this happened of course). I just simply fu"#d up big time. I still dont have a reason for doing so (my own self destructiveness maybe). I am prepared to stay in london on another visa if it will take months to try and sort this out. i just dont know what to do.... im only 27 but this girl was my life partner. I have really fucked this up and i know i would never get over this... let alone myself for doing so. as part of my therapy i have told everyone i know (and those of my friends/family that knew her) exactly the reason why we broke up. in a way it is therapy for me cause im not hiding anything and people can see how much of a dog i have been. I am prepared to move heaven and hell to do what this takes to build things with her again. i can imagine how she feels and i know its not really my place to say but im just totally and utterly lifeless and dead inside. my whole life has dissipated in a cloud of smoke (as has hers i can imagine). im not sure what to do with this but at this point i cant just move on even though its probably for the best. thanks all for your help

The trust is lost perhaps forever because the irony is. If she decides to stay with you. You will now not trust her. The first rule of lets work it out is "payback".

Live and learn. Don't make the same mistake again. As for giving her a reason... be honest. You were stupid and made a major mistake.

oh dear - you've learnt the hard way and I bet you still feel just as bad as before you told her only now, you can't beleive you did. Without wanting to take the moral high ground, next time, if you are not found out, then keep it to yourself and deal with it - feeling guilty is a waste of time, nothing will change, at all, because you spent hours feeling guilty. Lecture over! Here's a news flash, your relationship was not perfect before you cheated. It was very, very far from perfect, at least, from your perspective it was not a love match for all enternity. Why else would you cheat? You just don't cheat on your girlfriend if she really 'floats your boat'. Stop beating yourself up (although I have a sneaking suspicion that you are have a go at a bit of engineering here, be truthful now). So, that's the perfect theory gone. Well, seriously, what did you think her reaction would be to your revelation. Unless you are under 5 years, you must have had a little idea of what might happen. She would get upset, you would feel double bad, things could be at an end. Doesn't it sound easy put like that. Be really honest with yourself, do you want a relationship with her, or not? You seem to have done the things that are guaranteed to do terminal damage to a relationship. I don't understand why you would wish to continue this relationship after you have done so much to destroy it. It OK to say, 'it's just not doing it for me, let's call it a day'. You must not feel bad about what you do or don't feel for somebody else. We all do this you know. If you want to walk away, do it. If you want to stay with her, well the ball is in her court and I'm afraid you are at her mercy. One thing, if you do stay together, a while from now, say in a year, your punishment over this should have ended, if you get my drift. I was highly successful when I used this method, it worked a treat despite requiring a huge amount of energy and effort to do.

Hey, I keep trying to give a comment and it's not posting so I hope you read this. I think going to a therapist is a great idea. I doubt you bogged down your girlfriend with any negative feelings, fears or concerns that you had. Guys are just not like that and they don't want to appear to be weak or fragile. I was in a similar position to you ten years ago but the situation was "emotional" and not "physical". From what I have heard, the physical involvement is sometimes less harmful than the "emotional". If you aren't emotionally involved with this other woman who you had this brief encounter with, I would suggest that you just leave the g/f alone for a while so she can sort things out in her own head. If you see a counselor or therapist, it may help you work on your situation and then you can have some time to see what is wrong in your situtation and how you can make it better.

dude, you shouldn't have cheated on her!! Cheating is just wrong. also, Why would you tell her!? I feal bad for you but then i cant help being mad at your action of going out with another girl while already going out wit a girl!!

Some of you guys are really being rough for no reason. Not that there's an excuse for this type of behavior but sometimes there is a reason. Are you depressed? Perhaps you were looking for a temporary lift. Maybe you suffer from some kind of disorder. If you and your girl think this can be salvaged, you BOTH need to see a relationship therapist. You've got guilt (and perhaps something else) to deal with and she definitely has some anger to deal with. If you really do love her, get on your knees and beg her to try and work things out.

well i can tell you my story with what happend to me and the love of my life. Back in November of last year, i was under a whole lot of stress, and i was cought between a huge on going fight between my boy friend and my family , over something realy worthless, and stupid. i was extreamly angery at all four of them , and i wrongfully took my familys side because they were the ones who were demanding things from him. my mother told me that she wanted him dead , and for me to move on , and i was threating to kill my self over this and i told him this tons of times . i told him what my mother said about wanting him dead , and i told one of his very personal secrects to my mother and i accendtly let it slip and told him that i told my mother this secret of his ,and he could not take any more of my threats of killing myself nor could he take the fact that i told his secret. i took my anger out on him and i let my family interfear with our realtionship , so in the end i messed up . i told him that since i love him so much i was willing to let him go, because at that point there was nothing else i could do. and he needed it at that time . back in jan i talked to him via msn and he was more or less asking my permission to sleep with a married woman who only wnated him for sex. and i gave it . because he needs it more then i do . in march he called me out of the blue to ask me what i was doing . so i asked him what is it that you want , he told me , he does not know .that same day i relized that he still loves me but he is unsure of himself as a man and he thinks that he can not live up to my expentations, that is so not true , he is the man of my dreams , and i want him back. iam broken hearted too, and i know how hard this has been on both of you, but the fact you are being honest with her, well all i can say is , she will come around and this will make your realtionship stronger. good luck to you.

This happened to me. The guy later told me I was too honest and should of just kept it to myself. But I wouldn't go back if I could. I couldn't live with myself. He cared about me so much and each day I would wonder, 'but would he still care if he knew the truth'? I cheated almost exactly a year ago. We've tried to work it out numerous times but he says he can't get over it.

In some ways it shows good character that you told her, but don't let that get to your head because what you did was the most hurtful thing someone could do in a relationship. If you honestly love this girl and truly are sorry then your job now is to give her a reason to stay. Continuing along as your normal self isn't going to necessarily cut it. You must find ways to show your love, support, and caring for her in ways you have never done before. You have to win back her trust and the only way that is done is by being the best man you can be and loving her unconditionally and making her feel like the most special person on earth. Obviously these actions must be genuine or else she will see right through your fake attempts....trust me, i'm a girl and i know! Good luck with everything!

First off, allow me to say you ought to be ashamed... cheating is.. augh! My apoliges, I've just been aquainted with the feeling of being cheated on - it isn't fun... And also, consider this - was your relationship really 'perfect' if you were cheating? It doesn't seem like it to me... Anyways, you're going to have to do ALOT of explaining and the like... show her how much she really means to you - cheating showed her you didn't care...

ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER. If you did it once, you will do it again. Just ask any man or woman thats divorced. They know the real truth.

Well ya know I once was cheayed and it feels bad and now say bye cuz well she dosent trust ya I hope this workes out for the best of you and your girlfriend.

hey dude, this song made me think of you.... if she needs a reason.... you are just not a perfect person....

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years. He is all I ever wanted in a man. He was the kindest, funniest most respectful guy to me. Our relationship was all that I could ask for. A month ago, after a night of drinking, I dropped him off at home. I then got a call from his sister about 30 minuts later asking me if I knew where he was at. I freaked out because I knew he was drunk and thought someithing happened to him. I got in my car and drove to his house. As I got to his hous a block away I saw his fathers truck, I got off the car and saw a girl on top of him kissing him. It broke my heart, but that was just the beginning. He had been depressed for the past 5 months and everyone had noticed. That day that I cought him I questioned him on why he did that. He then came clean with me and told me that on Dec. 20, 2006, his co worker invited him to have a couple of drinks since he had helped her out with some translations. They then went to her house and drank some more. She began kissing him and took her close off. He was about to enter her when he realized what he was doing and he bolted out of there. He said that after that the remorse was so great that that is why he got depressed. I questioned why the second girl then if the first time made him feel so bad. He replied that he was just drunk and his brain has been crazy but she ment nothing. I tell you this becuase even though the love I have for my boyfriend is great, at this moment, I feel, worthless, ugly, self conscience, depressed, scared and I feel as if I am the one who might of done something to make him cheat on me. He tells me I did nothing wrong but he dosn't know why he did it either. That is the scariest part because now i question if he dosn't know than will he do it again. Is that the only times he cheated? What is he not telling me? My love is great but so is my pain and hurt. I feel for your girlfriend and I hope you understand what she is going through. All I can say is that if you want to work things out with her you need to always, always be honest with her. Communicate with her and make her feel like she is the only women you are interested in and the only women you want. Make her feel special, cared for, protected. Believe me what we want, if we are willing to try and work it out is reinforcement and reasurance. We need to feel loved all the time and special. We need you to be the one to assure us that that will not happen again. This is the worst feeling in the wold for someone so much patience and work needs to be done. I wish the best for you both.

Do you know why you cheated, because i am in a similar boat, i felt up a girl at a party that we went to and i told my girlfriend about it and now she doesn't know if she wants to try, and we've been together for 3years, well i don't really have an answer for you, i know that you all should try if you really do still care about each other, maybe you should take sometime off from her to try to find out why you did it, what made you do this.

If it was really perfect, why did you cheat?

You fucked up, suffer the consequences.

Maybe my story might make you feel a bit better about your situation. I not only cheated with one person on the love of my life but I did it 20 times a day.I was a prostitute and he didnt know. He caught me in the act. Horrible. I am also an ausie living in london.