Why do people say, my husband/wife wont let me do something, they dont own you! You are free, in America, to do as you want, its your RIGHT!
by 
iamcreepin
ANSWERS: 19
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Honestly, I'm married and I don't get it either. I don't mind if my husband says "Do we have something going on on such and such a day? I'd like to go play golf." I can't stand it when he says "Can I go play golf on such and such a day?" I always tell him, I'm not your mom, you're an adult, it is your decision if that's how you want to spend your time. From the time we got married I told him "I don't want to be that wife who you tell your friends 'won't let me do it'."
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well it depends on what exactly u want to do, like when you make a commitment you should discuss it, like if you want to go to a strip club, and your husband/wife aren't ok with that thats understandible if its like that you shouldn't be married, now if it's like you said i agree with you he wants to play golf then say "yo i wanna play golf bye!" and walk out if you guys have plans on that day it doesn't matter,right you know what he shouldn't even tell you ha should just desapear, and show up at 1 in the morning smelling like perfume with lipstick marks all over his shirt... no offense
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I think it's sweet when he asks me if he can do something. And I ask him, too. I've never thought of it as asking his permission, because we already know enough about each other to know what we each like or disapprove of. But it's just sort of like 'baby talk' or a sweet intimacy to ask if he or we can 'do' something. He doesn't say "May I". It's a "Can I" which isn't like asking your mommy to me. Though I have heard some men say they'll ask their wife if they can do something but then I get the feeling they are saying that so they have an out to NOT do something. It's their handy excuse so they don't have to say no themselves and their wife gets the blame.
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Because when you're in a relationship you have to take another's feelings into account. Other wise it's not a relationship. And when you ask if you can do something it's not like "Mommy, I want to do this?" it's more "Is it okay or do we have plans?".
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I will, dammit!...as soon as I check with hunny-bunny.
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I say it because I respect my husband and if something I'm doing or planing to do disturbs him then I won't do it. It's no skin off my back and it makes him happy. I see nothing wrong with it. If I wanted to do it I would, but at what price? To me, it's not worth causing him pain or strife. If it were something like not going to my kids graduation because he didn't want me to then I'd still go. But if it's something like I don't like it when you use swear words, well then, what's the big deal.
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If your a man, and your married, you have no rights.
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The constraints of citizenship and the constraints of marriage don't always coincide. In a relationship, as in citizenship, there are negative consequences in doing things that the spouse/country doesn't want you to do. In a country, they are legal consequences, in a relationship, they are emotional consequences. Most people will consider their personal relationships to be more important than their nationality, so the marraige will take precedence.
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"Won't let me" tends not to arise in marriages where there's mutual respect and good communication. Where people say "won't let me," there's probably some degree of controlling behavior on the part of the spouse. Whether to consider it a problem depends on the degree. If it's just a minor annoyance, often it can be talked through and solved. (And also, some people just like to bitch about their spouses - it's recreation, down at the bar.) If it's severe, then it's abusive. Abusive relationships, according to loads of evidence, are difficult to leave. A person's right almost doesn't come into it, because of fear, hopelessness, loss of own identity, and so on.
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SSSHHH!! not so loud my wife might here you!
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Someone who "won't let you do something" is controlling and employs a lot of subtle and subconscious manipulation to achieve his/her goals. That's COMPLETELY different from the normal give-and-take that all spouses and partners go through, and what most of the people who've already answered wrote about. To answer your question, the spouse on the receiving end is usually so accustomed to giving in for the sake of peaceful living that he/she doesn't always recognize the other person's dominance. My parents' relationship was almost a classic example. It's unhealthy, sure, but as long as the weaker spouse gives in (or whatever you want to call it) the situation will continue. People in positions of perceived power almost never give up that power voluntarily.
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They say that because it is their own way of "bailing" out of something. After all, they obviously did not want to do whatever it was badly enough to have an adult conversation with their partner about it....
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I think that when you say 'You are free in America' is a good point as I feel there are still many cultures out there that do see the women as property.
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You may be taking them too literally. Perhaps what they really mean is 'My husband/wife has issues with me doing this and out of consideration for him/her, I am refraining from doing it.' Think of it as relationship shorthand.
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It's not about owning, it is about respecting your spouse enough to consider them when you make a decision.
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yes thats true....but marriage is also all about making sacrifices....sometimes you have to give up some stuff....if your too headstrong, there will be constant arguing....both parties have to go through this not just the man or the woman
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yes thats true....but marriage is also all about making sacrifices....sometimes you have to give up some stuff....if your too headstrong, there will be constant arguing....both parties have to go through this not just the man or the woman
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(this answer pertains to men and not women) Yeah but marrage is like a contract, and when you "sign" you are saying that from now on your wife is always right and your always wrong... its the truth
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I never understood this and would not tolerate it or subject someone to it, I would be totally imbarassed to even say that
jtolb65 
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