by Anon on May 22nd, 2007
After reading some of your questions related to your step-daughter, I have to say I agree with Yeametoo. I think the family would benefit from some counseling. You appear to me, to have some resentment towards your stepdaughter. Since her same sex parent has apparently rejected her (at least this is what I get from your previous posts)your resentment can only cause further emotional damage to the girl. Her father does not seem to be helping the situation, which is probably teaching the impressionable girl some very unhealthy things about men. You, unfortunately have been thrust into the role of mediator. This is a role that, since you are not the natural parent, you are not able to fill without causing even more confusion and difficulty in the rough years to come. IMO she is just being a teenager, and things will only get worse as she ages, especially considering her history (from what you've told us about her). I seriously suggest you find a good family therapist, or plan on having an extremely traumatic 5 years (at least) for you and her.
by idne on May 22nd, 2007
I guess that's the stress you were talking about. That's a tricky situation. It may be a point where you're going to have to let him do the wrong thing. If you try to get him to change then he'll probably see it as more of a reason to let her be that way. He's trying to make up for the fact that he and the girl's mother aren't together. My husband was the same way with his son. I tried to get him to see my side but he'd just resent my interfering. So I would just hold my ground with his son by not letting him talk to me in an ugly manner without saying anything about it to my husband. I'd just tell him that it was unacceptable for him to talk to me that way and that it was disrespectful. I would be calm and matter of fact about it. Eventually, my husband could see that the boy was being disrespectful and he stepped in and took my side. Now the boy is closer to me than to his own parents and shows me more respect than either his mother or father. I don't know if this will help you but it's what worked for me and my family. My step-son just graduated salutatorian of his school.
by larrymcjon on May 22nd, 2007
Nag?
Does tough love really work?
by Answerbag Staff on December 27th, 2009
| 1 person likes this
Grounded for a month (from my best friends) because of skinny jeans?????
by Anonymous on December 21st, 2009
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should a boy be spanked any harder than a girl
by Anonymous on December 15th, 2009
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is it okay to spank a 12 year old and if so how should it be done
by Anonymous on December 15th, 2009
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Bars of soap are potential choking hazards, so when your child cusses, do you dispense liquid soap on their toothbrush?
by 에가오노겐키 on January 31st, 2010
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Comments
I hate to admit it but I very much resent her...am I a horrible person or what???!!! I know having had two 13 year old daughters how emotional and how out of control they can be but you have to understand she is very deceitful...that is what is so hard to handle. I can deal with hormones but she tells lies and looks you square in the face and never bats an eyelash. She told a lady in our church that because I fussed at her about how she acted that she just wanted to kill herself or me one. She later says oh I was just joking which I am sure she was but she led the lady to believe that she was suicidal. Which then turned into a big hooplah that ended up being very embarrassing. I have tried being the adult and seeing she just is a child but then my husband just dismisses her behavior and makes light of it.
by MIA on May 22nd, 2007
This is twice I've tried to post a comment and it didn't work.! Boy is it hard remembering what the heck you said after they lose it. I thought they fixed this! OK I'm gonna try again and copy my answer before they lose it
by Anon on May 22nd, 2007
I don't think you're a horrible person, I think you are in a messy situation. I think your step daughter may be testing both you and her father to see just how much she can do before you leave her too. Unfortunately she appears to have learned at way too young of an age that love can be conditional. So she needs someone desperately to show her that she will not be deserted again. She may be taking the rejection of her mother out on you. She may think all women can't be trusted or relied up. Whether she shows it or not, being deserted by a mother is an extremely traumatic thing for a child, and it is bound to cause many emtional problems, especially anger and defiance.
by Anon on May 22nd, 2007
I do think IM very humble opinion that you husband is being unfair to BOTH you and to his daughter. She needs discipline, and she needs to learn respect for you and others, and he should not be putting you in this position to make his life easier. If I were you I would try very hard to place that resentment where it belongs, which is on the parents. She did not ask for the situation she is in, and she probably doesn't know which side is up at this point. I really think you should consider counseling.
by Anon on May 22nd, 2007
oh I know that is why I have tried to push my husband for us to go to counseling...I do love her and want the best for her but I do know that she cannot be led to run wild with no consequences for her actions. I raised my girls repeating the same thing to them over and over again...(yes they can quote me) but anyway I told them "if I do not teach you how to respect, who will you respect when you grow up".
by MIA on May 22nd, 2007
If he refuses to go (or puts it off until she 18, which sounds more like the men I know), maybe you should think about just you and your step daughter going. She has been through a rough time and may possibly benefit from a woman showing her some understanding. It sounds like you have already gone through raising your kids and I can imagine it would be difficult to do that again. But it appears that this kid doesn't have a mother who cares for her the way you cared for your kids, and to be honest, it sounds like the father is going about it the wrong way also.
by Anon on May 22nd, 2007