I told my teacher can't talk to my mom b/c we just don't communicate the way we should, and SO, she tells me to write an outline and PREPARE what I want/should talk about with my mom. WHAT IS MY TEACHER TRYING TO DO? DOES SHE REALLY THINK I AM STUPID?

oh thanx, I am already tearing up from your response. As you can see, this really touches my heart and this has never happened to me before. I never had to really think about talking because we have been so distant ever since I can remember that talking like we know each other so well, seems unreal to me. All my life I have been scared of her because we just have stepped foot on the wrong sides of each other and I always thought that avoiding her would make be ok for me, but I realize now it's not because it tearsme to pieces EVERY TIME.

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by Mad Truck Lady on May 13th, 2007

I cannot explain it and I thank you again for your most helpful advice. I will give it a go, definitely, I just need to wait for her to come back from out of town. thanx again!

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by Mad Truck Lady on May 13th, 2007

Good luck - it'll be fine once you get going. If it all gets a bit too much, you can also simply let her read what you have written for herself. And. pick a moment when you know she has time (and you as well) - eg, not as she's 10 mins from going out or at bed time. When you say things to her, think about the WAY you say them. So, for example, it's better to say: "When we argue, it makes me feel like blah blah blah" This should produce the desired response. However, if you say: "You make me feel like crap when we're arguing" - it will immediately make her defensive as it sounds like an accusation.

Also, do your best to remain calm - eg. no shouting or raised voices (this can be a really tough one)and definately no character assasinations! Say your bit, and then listen (without interupting) to her. Be prepared to comprise (everything in life is a pay-off, you do this, to get that and so on).

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by Mushen on May 16th, 2007

(Sorry, ran out of room above). Where was I? Ah, yes - enter into this without high expectations, this often leads to dissapointment.

And finally, (with respect), if it's any consolation, most of us clash with our parents at the age you are now. It's normal. You don't tell 'em anything - at all. When they are ask you where you are going, the usual reply is 'out'. I can remember feeling so far removed from mine that they may as well have been aliens from another galaxy - and god, did my Mum and I argue (this is putting it mildly). Unfortunately for me, my Mum was a control-freak and a bit of a witch (still bloody is). Don't beat yourself up over this, 16 is not an easy age to be - I seem to remember that I spent most of my time feeling utterley miserable.

Anyway, let me know how it goes (it will be fine and if it's not, then you will know that you at least tried). Give this lots of time and eventually your relationship with her will develop.

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by Mushen on May 16th, 2007

oh man! I know that. but you should have seen her, she assumed English was my second language and that in order to have a better relationship with my mom I had to talk to her because she also feels that may be what's bothering me for school. And well, she sat down with me and laid out everything for me. And you know what, I htink I know my own mother better than she does. My teacher only met my mom once and here she goes going step-by-step how to do this correctly. As much as I appreciate her help, I think I can do just fine without it because I simply don't do the things my teacher expected me to do. I hope this makes sense, because nothing makes sense to me anymore.

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by Mad Truck Lady on May 13th, 2007

Mad Truck Lady: Sorry to get into this thread but didn't you just asked a question dealing with how people are unwilling to accept sympathy or help? My guess is your teacher is trying to help here. Maybe I'm wrong.
Of course you know your mother. If lack of communication is the problem then identifying the problems or points of disagreement sound like a good place to start.

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by Barcaluv on May 13th, 2007

I know I don't make sense, but I really appreciate my teacher's help, I sincerely do. But, idk, i was crying in front of her because no one has ever suggested how to solve my problems with my mom...and it is hard because I hurt my mom's feelings 4yrs ago and she has been very rigid and defensive, especially when it comes to trust. It's not everyday I receive words of encouragement to intimately work things out with my mom and I started crying at how fortunate I am to have that kind of love from someone else. and I don't think my teacher thinks I am stupid, I just knew that would/might catch ppl's attention to answer my Q. thanx AGAIN, seriously.

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by Mad Truck Lady on May 13th, 2007

Very True Bar - That is all that I was trying to explain - I guess I didn't do a good enough job - Thanks for your support - HUG'S

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by Patti jo on May 13th, 2007

Thank You Mad Truck Lady

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by Patti jo on May 13th, 2007

you are most welcome, but it is you that I should be thanking, THANK YOU! Finally, I met really nice people online and its good to know that there are people like you out there. All my life, I imagined to be a cruel and harsh world, but is it really?

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by Mad Truck Lady on May 13th, 2007

MadTruckLady: Be sure to drop by often. We'd like to help anyway we can. Pattijo is an extremely caring person, seek her advice often.

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by Barcaluv on May 13th, 2007

thank you lots! I appreciate what both of you and others as well have done to make my day brighter than ever!

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by Mad Truck Lady on May 14th, 2007